I could really use some advice. My mother has been in a nursing home for over 1 year. She shares a room with 2 residents.

When this happened with my mom, the DON ordered headphones for the offending resident and she was instructed to use them.

When she became crazier, started hoarding and shouting obscenities, I wrote to the DON, SW and executive director, telling them that my mother was being subjected to an abusive living environment and that legal consequences would be forthcoming. I cc'ed mom's lawyer.

The offending roommate was moved the next day.

Paper trail. Actionable "threats"--legal action and reports to the Joint Commission on Nursing Home Accreditation.

Making phone calls and being polite will get you no where. Put it in writing.

We have had the same problem at my mom's nursing home. One time there was a resident that yelled for help anytime she was awake for no reason. The staff would need to run up & down the hall to check on her. A cna told us that when they ask why she was yelling, she said it was because she wanted to. I asked several times why she wasn't moved into the memory ward. I was given every excuse possible; her family didn't want her moved or evaluated, no one else felt it was a problem, the director disagreed after spending time on the floor. I told them that neither I or my mother were imaging it. Finally, I made a formal complaint & asked if they needed it in writing from my attorney. That week she was moved.
My mom's next roommate was not only rude, she was combative & disturbing. She became angry & my mom felt threatened. She was afraid to go to sleep that night. We called the director & she was moved that day.
Your mother has a right to dignity and respect. This includes a safe health care setting, free from mental, verbal, physical or sexual abuse; neglect; exploitation; and harassment. Inform them that you will contact an attorney if the problem is not addressed.

What has been the answer to your complaints? I SO sympathize here. Were I ignored this long I am afraid I would be considering some dire measures. Given that, how often do the roomies tend to switch out? Might you try living with this for a bit and see if "things change"?

I meanwhile might tend to look into some board and care if this is still an option for living and if there are any assets to cover?

I wish I had a better answer. Were I your Mom I would be quite desperate.

The residents at my brother's ALF became very creative about the communal TV when a particular HOH resident took it over, disturbing the entire one end of the cottage living facilities. There was no end to "lost" remotes and other odd occurances.

They need to move the woman. The other 2 residents have rights too.

DHs Aunt had a roommate that did not like TV, she chose not to have one so complained about Aunt having one. We bought Aunt a headset with a long cord. The handyman took the cord from the TV up into the drop ceiling and down to Aunts chair. That way the woman could not hear it. But then she complained she still could see it. 😏

Read and closely examine the contract signed when she moved in. A friend did that and found a clause that she took to the administrator and had a new roommate moved who was yelling out all night. I don't know what the clause said, but yours may have something similar that would be appropriate to use. If you find one, put it in front of them and just like you have to obey the contract so do they.

1. Write to the City/County / State, whomever oversees there NH in your case. If you have an Elder Affairs Council, include them. Explain how the constant loud noise is agitating your Mom, this is bad for her health. Detail how you have asked for help from staff and they are not at all responsive.

2. When you visit, as you enter Mom's room , put on the call button ( call button response times are recorded, as required by medicare). When staff com into the room tell them in a very soft voice that nobody can hear anything with all this noise and it disorients you Mom. If they do nothing , call again and ask to speak with DON, again very softly. After 14 days you can ask for a case management meeting to review how unresponsive the staff is. You are entitled to know how long Mom has to wait for responses and what is being done.

3. Also you can record the loud tv, and roommate. Then ask to speak with DON, or higher. Play the recording while you are in their office. Ask them how long you should sit there before they realize the conditions unhealthy.

That’s abusive … 3 in a room ???
with one roommate like this ??
why allow that to continue ??
i’d move mother asap !!! Find a decent place for your mother.

I agree they need to move the wonen that’s causing problems and put her in a room by herself. That’s not fair to the ones in the room they way she’s acting. If you know the family of the woman or if she has family coming into see her I would talk to them and see if they can have her moved to a room by herself

Lord, in a lot of ways the new roommate you describe could be my FIL. He can't hear a thing (well barely - he has about 70% hearing loss and refuses to wear his hearing aids) and can see just about as well. But he will not turn his tv off. Just recently the cable went out in the facility and you would have thought that the power was off and they had no heat in sub-zero temps with the way he was acting. When we call him (or when he calls us or "butt dials" us which is much more frequently) we can barely hear him for his TV. He has no idea of what he is watching and it is so loud that I can hear it through DH's phone (that is NOT on speaker phone!!)I say all of that because this was one of the MANY reasons we knew going in he would need a single, private room. HE thinks it was for him. But quite frankly - it was more for the sake of any potential roommates. They didn't deserve dealing with him as a roommate. He would never be able to share a TV or a bathroom or even the space itself without being a jerk about it. It would take another very strong personality to balance sharing a room with him and most people don't have the energy for it. I agree with others. The new roommate needs to be moved. I know it feels like a reward for the new roommate to get their own room. But often in cases like this - it is really to protect other people more than for the resident themselves. There are just some people that shouldn't be around other people especially if those other people aren't able to advocate for themselves.

Shared room usually means one other person will share the room. The fact that they have crammed three people into one room seems like a lot even if they didn't have conflicting personalities, habits and levels of care.

If they aren't willing to group the quiet folks together and the noisy folks separately, then your only option is to move her. You might be able to find a place that has 2 people per room and cares enough to group folks that aren't going to drive each other crazy.

Good God there is nothing easy about this stage of life!