Mom's doc said that she can't live alone/drive. Does that mean she needs assisted living or can she live in some sort of retirement facility?
She had the neuropsych test. After the doc said she can't live alone or drive. She's currently in an assisted living facility, but I want to see if she can live in a retirement facility?
As others have said there are big differences between assisted living facilities, nursing homes, memory care facilities, independent senior living, and retirement communities.
To start with, your mother's doctor needs to explain to you what he means by 'can't live alone anymore'. That's your starting point. If your mother needs to be supervised 24/7 and can no longer make decisions or be held responsible for her actions because of dementia, she should be in a locked memory care facility.
If she struggles with ADL's like making meals, staying clean, loneliness and depression, but is still lucid enough that she doesn't need to be locked in, then she would probably be a good fit for a nice AL facility with plenty of socialization and activity.
A retirement community or independent senior living facility does not have the appropriate level of care for her if her doctor is telling you she cannot be alone anymore.
Get the doctor to explain better to you so you can make the right decision for your mother.
A retirement facility sounds like an over 55 apartment with lots of planned activities, but not necessarily supervision or assistance. From what the doctor says, your mom needs a set of eyes on her and if she doesn't already need help with things, she is moving in that direction. I would not lessen the level of care. I would keep her in assisted living, then as things start to happen like forgetting to go to the dining room to eat or she attempts to leave the facility or has the same clothes on for days on end, they will notice and recommend memory care.
If she needs assisted living, please do not consider independent retirement facility because it means she needs assistance that is not available.
We tried living in an independent living retirement facility because I felt it would help me as a caregiver since meals and light housekeeping was included. What happened was, to fill empty apartments, the management began to bring in folks who needed assistance but the families only hired caregivers for a few hours a day to help. The rest of the time they were on their own and when they needed help they began turning to their neighbors who were elderly themselves. They still are alone in their apartment except times they come out into the public areas.
It is one thing for folks who have been living independent in the facility for a long time, the neighbors are already friends and they don't mind offering a helping hand when needed. But when someone new comes in already needing assistance and begin asking neighbors for help, they are often resented.
The worse case scenario is she may turn to someone for help who is worse off than she is. This can be dangerous because they may be trading medicines, "borrowing" from each other or have other issues trying to get along.
If I feel I really need the amenities of an independent living facility, I would try it again but I would not be as social to avoid others turning to me for help. It did make my job easier with my husband but I would still be sure he had me or someone else providing 24/7 care just like in our home.
Great advice & insight. Very helpful that you shared your experience. I see this scenario where my mom is currently living in a beautiful independent senior community. I am there supporting my mom many days a week to keep her in independent living, and happy! I find I want to assist her neighbors with difficult things… but I realize that could get out of hand real quick. Thanks again.
I don't know what you mean by retirement facility. If you mean independent living, no, it is unlikely if she cannot live alone that she can do independent living. Speak with mom's doctor for these questions as he is the one who knows this individual patient.
My mom had a neuropsych test and was told she could no longer live alone. Prior to that, seeing big changes in her ability to manage day to day life, we moved her to a nice AL where other family members had settled in well.
It was a disaster. It was too much help of the wrong kind.
Mom ended up in the hospital and we asked for a psych consult. The geriatric psychiatrist pointed out that mom didn't need help with Activities of Daily Living (toileting, bathing, dressing). She was riddled with anxiety and lonely. He recommended someplace where there were always people and staff around, lots of activities and ongoing therapy from an onsite mental health professional.
We got mom into a good Independent Living Facility--3 meals a day, housekeeping, a doctor and psychiatrist with offices on site. Her anxiety was medicated with a mild benzo; I set up her pill boxes once a week and my SIl and my brother managed her money.
Think about asking for a professional "needs assessment" from either the local Area Agency on Aging or get a recommendation from her doctors as bout who can best assess her needs.
It's really a matter of a good fit between mom's needs and what the facility provides, rather than what it's called.
Her brain is dying and she is never going to regain skills. She is only going to decline. Keep her where she is and she will eventually have to move to a higher level of care.
Or did I miss something important? Why would you want to move her to even less care than she has now?
I agree with AlvaDeer that if by "retirement facility" you mean senior living community or independent living... no, she can't. She cannot live without assistance now and those places don't offer that. It would be a disaster for both of you to put her in that type of place.
All retirement communities and all levels of senior aging residency , facilities, ALF, Memory Care, skilled care etc etc have requirements that residents must meet to be considered appropriate for that level of care. Your mother needs a " level of care needs assessment" ( which the PCP has started) and a licensed social worker or other case manager can help you determine what facility she needs and options for her care.
" Retirement community" often means independent living; some do offer levels of care such as memory care and skilled care as well as ALF. It sounds like if she is in ALF already that her PCP has identified that she needs more care than ALF provides. Get a case manager assigned to help you both.
A lot depends on how much time you have to keep moving her and her belongings up in care. From what you describe, she needs memory care. This is usually a locked facility. If she is still driving now, she will try to walk out
If she doesn’t have dementia, she might be a candidate for an apartment in a retirement community with elevators, meals, transportation, activities. It’s for the person who isn’t totally independent but doesn’t need one on one care.
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To start with, your mother's doctor needs to explain to you what he means by 'can't live alone anymore'. That's your starting point. If your mother needs to be supervised 24/7 and can no longer make decisions or be held responsible for her actions because of dementia, she should be in a locked memory care facility.
If she struggles with ADL's like making meals, staying clean, loneliness and depression, but is still lucid enough that she doesn't need to be locked in, then she would probably be a good fit for a nice AL facility with plenty of socialization and activity.
A retirement community or independent senior living facility does not have the appropriate level of care for her if her doctor is telling you she cannot be alone anymore.
Get the doctor to explain better to you so you can make the right decision for your mother.
A retirement community usually offers residents a chance at socialization, activities, meals, and housekeeping. They really don't offer care.
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We tried living in an independent living retirement facility because I felt it would help me as a caregiver since meals and light housekeeping was included. What happened was, to fill empty apartments, the management began to bring in folks who needed assistance but the families only hired caregivers for a few hours a day to help. The rest of the time they were on their own and when they needed help they began turning to their neighbors who were elderly themselves. They still are alone in their apartment except times they come out into the public areas.
It is one thing for folks who have been living independent in the facility for a long time, the neighbors are already friends and they don't mind offering a helping hand when needed. But when someone new comes in already needing assistance and begin asking neighbors for help, they are often resented.
The worse case scenario is she may turn to someone for help who is worse off than she is. This can be dangerous because they may be trading medicines, "borrowing" from each other or have other issues trying to get along.
If I feel I really need the amenities of an independent living facility, I would try it again but I would not be as social to avoid others turning to me for help. It did make my job easier with my husband but I would still be sure he had me or someone else providing 24/7 care just like in our home.
My mom had a neuropsych test and was told she could no longer live alone. Prior to that, seeing big changes in her ability to manage day to day life, we moved her to a nice AL where other family members had settled in well.
It was a disaster. It was too much help of the wrong kind.
Mom ended up in the hospital and we asked for a psych consult. The geriatric psychiatrist pointed out that mom didn't need help with Activities of Daily Living (toileting, bathing, dressing). She was riddled with anxiety and lonely. He recommended someplace where there were always people and staff around, lots of activities and ongoing therapy from an onsite mental health professional.
We got mom into a good Independent Living Facility--3 meals a day, housekeeping, a doctor and psychiatrist with offices on site. Her anxiety was medicated with a mild benzo; I set up her pill boxes once a week and my SIl and my brother managed her money.
Think about asking for a professional "needs assessment" from either the local Area Agency on Aging or get a recommendation from her doctors as bout who can best assess her needs.
It's really a matter of a good fit between mom's needs and what the facility provides, rather than what it's called.
Or did I miss something important? Why would you want to move her to even less care than she has now?
" Retirement community" often means independent living; some do offer levels of care such as memory care and skilled care as well as ALF. It sounds like if she is in ALF already that her PCP has identified that she needs more care than ALF provides.
Get a case manager assigned to help you both.