Wandering out of memory care. Now what?

TwistVolt2: Locate another memory care facility with better safety procedures in place.

Care facilities SHOULD HAVE alarms on their doors.
I would ask them about this and ask them if there is a legal requirements to have
OR
Ask / contact the licensing board of this facility / facilities to ask if this is a legal requirement. I thought it was - is. Alarms are on all the doors I've encountered at memory care facilities.

* Ask his MD about medication.
* Can you hire a caregiver to be with him, too? At least some of the time.

This is a huge red flag to me.

Of course, they will say the doors were locked ... but, of course, they weren't. They are trying to protect themselves from a lawsuit ... and by the way, contact an attorney. As if possible, move him out of there ASAP and see if you can get any money returned.

Certainly you are concerned. See if you can arrange friends / church / networking organizations (college kids (geriatric, nursing dept., social work) to volunteer or pay a few $ per hour to visit him.

Gena / Touch Matters

Get his PCP to assign you to a new case manager to assist you navigate the options. Also get PCP to evaluate his medication for possible changes needed .

Speak with an Elder Law Attorney about your experiences; get direction from legal perspective not only about caring for this person but also about your responsibility and, how best to deal with facilities etc etc. For example, if a facility cannot keep patient safe and admit to staffing issues, an attorney may have some good advice on that for you 😉.

You can also call APS, Adult Protective Services, and advise them about the safety issues you are exy; they may have some suggestions....

I would start with filing a complaint with your State Health Services Dept. The fact that he was able to escape "multiple" times says that this facility is not safe for memory care people. Then they have the nerve to say that his escapes will go on his record which will prevent him from getting into another facility. They are covering their behinds. I hope you have documented all of these episodes. My guess is that if the State conducts a surprise review/inspection of the facility, they will find a lot more violations than just your husband getting out via a fire escspe.

In terms of the placement person, there is not much you can do because you are the one who decided which facility to place your father. My placement person did the same thing to me. When I asked for her help in getting back $1,500 that the owner ripped off from me, she disappeared. I found her on Yelp and posted it on there.

From my experience with my BIL who is in a NH memory care unit. He wears a watch sort of that if they go anywhere near the door to go out it sets off alarms. To enter and exit the memory care unit you have to put a code in and its changed every month. My BIL is an escape artist too but that watch on his arm sets off the alarms alot but he has never escaped from the place and the memory care unit they have at the NH is on the third floor.

The health problems like being mean a doctor can put him on something that will help with that. I know this for a fact they can put them on medication because my BIL was put on medication for that. He can get mean and he doesn't know how strong he is especially when they can't remember like him. Being an escape artist that place where you had him can be turned in for allowing him to escape. That isn't on him or you its on the facility where he was.

I would search for another memory care that has something like what my BIL is in to make sure he doesn't get out. At the place where my BIL is they take the one that can walk out to place like Walmart to buy items they need. They also go to other places. At the facility there is an outdoor area that is fenced in where relatives could take them out too.

When we started to look for a place for my BIL we visited the area NH and when he fell he was placed in the one that we wanted him in. He has been there now for 9 months.

The best thing is VISIT these NH to see what they have for security. And yes put him back in one because you can't do it alone. I know we couldn't do it alone anymore, we had ring cameras in his apartment where they would let us know what he is doing also we had to call him everyday for him to make meals, take his meds, and anything else he needed. There were just 3 of us watching him inside his apartment but he still had free rein to go outside and walk to places we couldn't stop him. A fall took him out of his apartment to the hospital to the NH. It did the thing we couldn't do because he wouldn't have gone on his own.

Best of luck finding a place. Prayers

Here’s a thread that some of us put together about MC, a while back. It might help, as well.

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/questions-to-ask-memory-care-facilities-before-placing-a-lo-470196.htm

So my latest update is that Mother is considering a nursing home instead of memory care. Siblings don't seem to care either way. Her concern is that we will go through the exact same thing again as previous facility. The worry is that he will have to be sent to a pysch hospital because of behavior and possibly have to be sent home. That memory care won't have him and we will have to take him. We can't. We just can not do this anymore. Physically and mentally for both of us. I'm the one doing the leg work though so to speak.

I am worried about their property. That the state will just come in and take over. Sell off all their assets and leave my Mother without a home or anything to support herself. Is this possible?

Do Elder Care Lawyers specialize in this type of situation? We really need guidance. Legal and finding him a new place. Things are not getting better of course only worse.

Thank you all for your response. I believe their memory care unit is really more for those on hospice. A majority were in wheelchairs. A handful were walking. I will make sure people know about how it is actually being run. I think locked memory care does not apply to this place and should not be advertised as one. Can't believe we are going to have to start all over again. We had our hopes on this facility. We have been and still going through so much trying to watch Father and then looking for a new facility. Its just so much. No family to help. I just try to tell myself that it will get better soon when we find the right place for him. No one really knows unless they are going or been through it. Thank you.

Call around tomorrow morning and find another facility. If you have to get on waiting lists, do it ASAP. I agree with suggestion to tour facilities to see if they have the proper set up that Lea describes. They shouldn't be able to exit without an alarm sounding.

I would also talk to his doc about something to calm him down a smidge.

It's a lot more work for you, but you can do it. Sorry you had a bad experience. While he's home with you, maybe get some aides over to help with him.

The memory care place failed, not you. I’m sorry for both dad and you. Visit new places as soon as possible. Leave a bad review wherever possible to help warn others about the place where he was, you may save someone else some misery. The memory care attached to the nursing home my mom was in was a complete square of rooms with a lovely garden in the middle where residents could enjoy being outdoors safely, otherwise they had no way to escape, as that’s exactly as the idea should be

I’m so sorry that you had this experience with your dad in his facility.

Most facilities are very good. A few years back I heard of a resident in a facility north of where I live who got out of their Memory Care and was walking along the highway before they caught up with her. That is terrifying to think about. It was a very expensive facility too!

My mom tried walking out of the front door several times. Her neurologist gave her Ativan and Seroquel and she stopped trying to escape.

I hope that you are able to find a suitable facility soon for your dad.

My mother lived in a Memory Care Assisted Living residence that had no "escape" doors, no fire exits open to residents, all doors were kept automatically locked at all times except the French doors leading out to the walled garden which they had access to. No escape from there either. The locked doors leading to the lobby had bookcase murals painted on them, so residents paid them no mind at all. And even if they did, the doors were locked 24/7. Which is the whole purpose and intent of Memory Care AL......that the residents be unable TO get out of the safe environment and wander off to get hurt. It makes no sense to have the bldg set up in ANY other way.

When I worked at a national chain memory care AL, it was set up the same way. The residents living area opened up to locked doors to the lobby reception area. Only the receptionist could buzz someone through those doors once they were viewed on camera. The residents living area had no outside access at all, except for the outdoor garden area.

Nobody likes the thought of being "locked in" nor does anyone like the thought of suffering from brain damage that requires being locked in for their own safety. Dementia is a lose-lose proposition for all concerned, in reality, so we make decisions based on the best of a bunch of not-so-great choices.

Go look around at a few Memory Care Assisted Living facilities in person that will show you what their security measures are. Do not take their word for anything. Also pick a facility that has locks on EACH RESIDENTS APARTMENT DOOR, that locks others OUT but not them INSIDE. That way, you are keeping wanderers out of dads room and out of "borrowing" his belongings. Or sleeping in his bed when he's not around, etc.

No MC facility that has PROPER security intact is going to label your father a problem child with an escape record since you will make it clear the place he was Living in was NOT SECURE in the first place! Had he not required such a thing., you wouldn't have placed him there to begin with.

Don't let anyone cow you here! They were wrong, you were not. Your father did what most people with dementia DO: he tried to wander. No shock there. The shock is that he was able to! 😑 Any decent MC facility knows that proper security is basic for all residents safety, and never to be compromised or shortchanged. People's lives are at stake!

Wishing you the best of luck with all of this. I know how hard the whole situation tends to be.

You're here on the Aging Care website. Talk to an advisor. Or call the Alzheimers Association hotline. The number is listed on their website. They may be able to give you information and resources to help.

So sorry to hear you are having to deal with this. As my college roommate told me after seeing her dad with Alzheimers, this is tough stuff.

You are back to square one. You did this once. You can do this again, though it isn't going to be easy. There is honestly no choice in this matter. Your FIL has a bad habit of wandering and wherever you place him he may prove himself an escape artist. He may need to be fitted with a tracker that can let people know where he is. How that will work, I have utterly no idea.

So sorry this has happened. And wish there was a magic answer I could come up with.