I have been caring for my Mom, who lives with me, for 5 years. It has been stressful and a very lonely time for me . I was at the point realizing my life had no joy and I was only existing and not living. Very quickly my social contacts and activities dwindled down to nothing. My Mom's needs became my life. I felt trapped, resentful, tired and depressed....mixed with a huge dose of guilt for feeling this way.
I had a wonderful opportunity to travel to Greece with old friends and I did it! It was such a wonderful experience. I placed Mom in a lovely retirement home, a Respite Care suite. She didn't want to go and did make me feel guilty sending her there, ie. she would refer to it as going to jail.
Well turns out it was the best decision. She immediately made friends, got involved in activities and for the most part enjoyed her stay. The bad part was she had a fall which required a trip to the hospital, thank goodness no broken or fractured bones. She was also diagnosed with a UTI. One of my daughters stepped up and made sure to visit her and offer support so she didn't feel alone.
Long story short, during the 16 days while I was away she seems to be declining and is in no condition to return home. I have extended her stay with the possibility of permanent residence. We will be viewing permanent suites in a few days. I do hope all works out as planned.
I live only a few minutes away from the residence. My hope is this will be the beginning of a new relationship for us. She will have 24-hour care and I will have my freedom back.
My advise to anyone experiencing burn-out is to do something for yourself!!!
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Your Mom could have fallen anywhere, including your home. And whether that is even true or not, this trip let you know that there is a life for you to live, and that you should be living it.
Your mom, tough as this sounds, has had her life. You love her and are still participating in her care, but you DO have a life to live and should be living it.
I hope your post helps others.
Thanks for posting this. I'm hoping it will help convince some of these die-hard miserable "I'm going to keep mom (husband, father, son, grandma, grandpa, dog) home with me forever even if it kills me" martyrs who won't give up. One can at least hope. (Sigh.)
Congratulations. I mean it.
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I did not plan on Mom living with me the 20 months she did. Her decline was monthly. (waiting for sale of the house) I wanted to go to my nieces wedding, at a resort, without taking my Mom. It was 8 hrs away for one thing. My Moms Dementia had progressed to the last stages and she was incontinent. So I went to the AL up the street to see if I could get respite care. While there it was explained if I placed Mom by the end of the month, her rent would be 50% off and that would stand for her stay there. That meant she had money for a year and if the house sold, even longer. I placed her. By the time of the wedding, Mom had been there for two months, had acclimated and good with the staff. This made me feel comfortable and I so enjoyed my weekend away.
Stuff happens regardless of where your loved one lives. It's a shame that you had to suffer for five years until you finally got some freedom and your mom received the care she really did need, but congratulations for making that big decision to take time for you at last!
Kuddos to you for getting your mom in a home. I can't get my aunt to go, even though that's where she needs to be.
It's hard for the elderly to understand that when they reach a certain point, they need round the clock care, and it's sometimes often difficult for family members to provide it.
Anyway, I hope your mom gets better.
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