My Dh has to sedate his mother into sleep every night. She keeps saying she's "not that kind of person' (One who takes any kind of mood altering medications) but her fears come into play as the sun goes down and w/o her Xanax, she becomes completely frantic--and once that is in play, then it's near impossible to get her to calm down.
He says that they start with one pill about 2 hrs before bed, or even sooner if she starts showing signs of agitation. Then the 'whopping' dose is taken when she is put to bed with her CPAP on. She usually, sleeps about 12 hrs with this on board. If she isn't sedated into sleep, she doesn't GO to sleep. Just stays up all night fretting and fussing. Since her kids care for her pretty much 24/7, they have opted to utilize more sedation meds than they'd like, but overall, they have to keep her calm, or they have horrible nights.
Keeping a level of anti anxiety meds in the system, rather than waiting for the 'drama' to start has helped a lot.
Yoiu can't stop the paranoia. To them, what they fear is as real as anything you can see or touch. My MIL is terrified that mice will get into her house. As silly as that sounds, it's a very real fear for her.
She has a RING doorbell and she is actually scared of that, too.
A broken brain's fears is probably not going to be allayed by tactics like pushing a dresser up against the door.
I am sorry. Meds will help. While it is a safety issue, make sure you can move it yourself in case of emergency; like others have said. However me personally, I would look at it kind of in the frame of mind that at least he obviously wants to stay in the house at night. That is one less worry.
Talk to his doctor. My mother barricaded herself for maybe 2 years. She dumped her bookcases, boxed the books and pushed the boxes against the doors. She took cardboard and covered half her windows. She had some sense of logic left and I was able to convince her that papers in the closed windows would show they hadn’t been opened. In the midst of the worst, we got her into care, and, interestingly enough, her paranoia didn’t follow her there.
He needs to be drugged at night so he doesn't get up. His doctor can prescribe medication for this.
Also, a new sleeping arrangement might be a good idea. Can he be put into a bedroom where the only furniture is a bed and that bolted to the floor? Then put a lock on the outside of the door so he can't wander?
Or it may be time to start looking into memory care for him. Barricading doors with furniture cannot be allowed.
It seems like a safety issue if it blocks you getting out and others (EMTs) from getting in. If you can figure out a way to stop it, that would be best.
I would start by talking to his doctor to see if there are any medications that help with paranoia. I'm sure there are. And usually paranoia doesn't last all that long, as he soon will be on to another symptom of this horrific disease called dementia. If things get to be just too much for you, you may have to start looking into placing him in a memory care facility, where you can get back to just being his loving wife and advocate.
If it is a potential emergency, i.e., someone needs to get in and cannot, then yes, it is an urgent situation that must be addressed. Are you able to move the furniture if needed? Although in case of a fire or something needing immediate attention, it needs to be addressed (due to underlying issues / needs) for safety - of both of you.
Without knowing more, I would encourage exploring assisted living or memory care, depending on needs.
Or
Have a caregiver overnights.
While medication might help ... I believe that you cannot 'stop his paranoia,' you can only address it and take preventative safety measures.
You didn't mention if your husband was diagnosed with any type of Dementia. Has your husband been checked for Lewy Body Dementia?
You may have to make an appointment with a Geriatric Neuro-Psych doctor or a Psychiatrist. Check out all of their credentials on your State Medical Board website.
Perhaps, some anti-anxiety medication would help. It may take a little adjustment period but oftentimes, it's a must, unless you want to be up 24/7.
You husband's behavior does sound like dementia or Parkinson's paranoia. You cannot stop this paranoia by reasoning or conversation or shouting. Your resistance will only make him more insistant about his fears.
You may need to consider placement for him if it has become to much for you. A friend of mine is finding placement right now for her husband for exactly what you describe. The husband's behavior has become too much for her to handle.
22 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
He says that they start with one pill about 2 hrs before bed, or even sooner if she starts showing signs of agitation. Then the 'whopping' dose is taken when she is put to bed with her CPAP on. She usually, sleeps about 12 hrs with this on board. If she isn't sedated into sleep, she doesn't GO to sleep. Just stays up all night fretting and fussing. Since her kids care for her pretty much 24/7, they have opted to utilize more sedation meds than they'd like, but overall, they have to keep her calm, or they have horrible nights.
Keeping a level of anti anxiety meds in the system, rather than waiting for the 'drama' to start has helped a lot.
Yoiu can't stop the paranoia. To them, what they fear is as real as anything you can see or touch. My MIL is terrified that mice will get into her house. As silly as that sounds, it's a very real fear for her.
She has a RING doorbell and she is actually scared of that, too.
A broken brain's fears is probably not going to be allayed by tactics like pushing a dresser up against the door.
ADVERTISEMENT
Also, a new sleeping arrangement might be a good idea. Can he be put into a bedroom where the only furniture is a bed and that bolted to the floor? Then put a lock on the outside of the door so he can't wander?
Or it may be time to start looking into memory care for him. Barricading doors with furniture cannot be allowed.
And usually paranoia doesn't last all that long, as he soon will be on to another symptom of this horrific disease called dementia.
If things get to be just too much for you, you may have to start looking into placing him in a memory care facility, where you can get back to just being his loving wife and advocate.
Without knowing more, I would encourage exploring assisted living or memory care, depending on needs.
Or
Have a caregiver overnights.
While medication might help ... I believe that you cannot 'stop his paranoia,' you can only address it and take preventative safety measures.
Gena / Touch Matters
You didn't mention if your husband was diagnosed with any type of Dementia.
Has your husband been checked for Lewy Body Dementia?
You may have to make an appointment with a Geriatric Neuro-Psych doctor or a Psychiatrist. Check out all of their credentials on your State Medical Board website.
Perhaps, some anti-anxiety medication would help. It may take a little adjustment period but oftentimes, it's a must, unless you want to be up 24/7.
I hope I was of some help. I will pray for you...
You may need to consider placement for him if it has become to much for you. A friend of mine is finding placement right now for her husband for exactly what you describe. The husband's behavior has become too much for her to handle.
See All Answers