Late last May my husband entered memory care in a well-run facility. I'd been caring for him at home (with caregiver help) for five years as his dementia and mobility worsened. Then Covid struck and further damaged his strength and cognition. He became too weak and confused for me to physically manage his care at home (too many falls, unable to stand or walk more than a couple of steps, severe incontinence, etc.). His first month in the new facility, he seemed blissful, often telling me what a wonderful place it was and how happy he was there. My last two visits, he started asking when he would be coming home, that he does not like being "stuck" in this place. I say things like "you need to be here to be getting stronger," which he seemed to understand at first. Do forum members have experience with this shift from happy to restless and discontent? I felt so lucky that he seemed to love it at first, and it pains me that he is unhappy. There is no way he can come home, but I am feeling sad and more guilty than I did at first. I wonder if anyone has useful phrases or conversations to divert the attention from his unhappiness at my leaving him there?
Thanks to everyone who has chimed in on my various postings. I so appreciate this forum.
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Please don't be swayed by posters here Trying to guilt you in any way. Memory Care Assisted Living is often the best case scenario for elders suffering with dementia to keep them SAFE and well cared for. We're not The Bad Guys, nor is the MC facility, but the miserable disease itself.
Wishing you the best of luck with all of this.
I only can hope that he will change back to loving it. You can't predict where his mind will take him. Use the right G-word because what you tell yourself in your own mind is so important. You are Grieving, and that is g-word enough. This is worth the grieving, for it is terribly sad and heartbreaking.
I hope things get better for him. Ask at the facility and I bet you will hear he is OK after you leave with his own routine. My best out to you.
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Wishing you and your husband peace during this difficult time in your lives.
Please know that you made the right decision to place him. He is safe and that is what is most important.
You need to stay until Doctor ABC believes you can go home.
COVID is still making everyone sick and you're safer here.
Our home is getting [insert something here] and we'll re-talk about it when [something] is finished.
When it is safe.
If he's made friends:
If you leave now, [person 1 and/or person 2] will miss your company. We'll visit this again later.
Or even:
We can't move you today because it is a holiday. We'll try again some other time.
and change the subject!
At this point all you can do is continue to "lie" and hope he doesn't keep bringing this up.
I will get the "I want to go home" speech this week too.
Please seek out a support group for yourself.
The scan itself is upsetting to go through at this stage .