I guess that sums it up.
I had to give her a COVID test today and some Tylenol to get her fever down. She complained I came too late (6:30pm), but I got her to take the pill and take the test
She is negative, her temperature is down.
She asked me to message her sisters and my sister, that the COVID test was negative, but she thinks she has heat stroke. No mention of me at all and I sent the message for her.
This is nothing new. What path should I take? I am tired of trying so hard and being hurt and ignored.
They revere people who toe the line and look good on the outside even tho they never have helped.
In other words, phony even in their late 80s it's sad IMHO.
I want to disengage, there is no reason to keep trying when they resent my help
Maybe a care package from vineyard vines would do the trick (my sister's favorite store).
Ok this is a rant. I apologize.
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Happy to hear that test results are negative. I’m sorry that your mom isn’t appreciative. It’s makes it so much harder for you.
If they have always been this way, I am sure that you don’t expect them to change at this point in time.
Are your parents living with you? Or do you live with them?
Do you have anyone helping you with their care? Can they be placed in a facility and then you won’t have to do the actual hands on care.
Wishing you peace on this difficult journey.
You know I just stopped driving. Peak hour urgghh but all 80s music makes it better...
Stopped & having a read to relax..
your post made me think of George Michael's Everthing She Wants;
"One step further and my back will break
If my best isn't good enough
Than how can it be good enough for two?
I can't work any harder than I do
Somebody tell me, ooh
Why I work so hard for you?
All to give you money*
All to give you money*, ouh"
* just replace money with CARE.
Put some music you like on & pump it up! Shake off all that negativity.
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People who are thankless. I get it :(.
Regarding thankless people, most of the seniors here are thankless, demanding, self serving and just plain nasty.
My mother is the same way, she is 98 and lives in AL, appreciates nothing and no one.
I stay away from the negativity, there is no place in my life for this.
This mindset disgusts me.
I am sorry that you have to deal with this toxic behavior.
If mom is physically and mentally able to text a message....Why did you do it?
If mom is physically and mentally able to do a home COVID test...Why did you do it?
If mom is physically and mentally able to take an aspirin (or any medication)..Why did you do it?
Some responses you can use..
Sorry mom I was just stepping into the shower.
Sorry mom I just left to go shopping
Sorry mom I have a lunch date with "Betty"
Now if mom is physically or mentally unable to do these things she probably should not be living alone.
BOUNDARIES.
Boundaries are important for you as well as the person you are caring for.
Without boundaries you set yourself up for trying to do it all, the care recipient begins to think and expect that you do it all.
You have to realize that "NO" is a complete sentence.
I am sure your parents told you "NO" when you were a child and they were caring for you. Well same here. And once you say NO do not cave in.
Honestly if the person is cognizant I would not put up with any verbal abuse. And never any physical abuse.
If it comes to verbal and or physical abuse with a person that is not cognizant then placing them in a facility that can meet their care needs would be the safest thing to do. No one should care for someone that has physically or verbally abused them currently or in the past. It is just not safe for the caregiver.
So, I've gone completely no contact. If they have something to say to me, they can call me.
Is she home now? Does she have hospice services?
Whenever folks here post "I had to..." I like to ask the question "why?"
My SIL, years ago, prompted me to start thinking this way.
If you are resentful of your mom and her relatives, YOU can't be giving her the best care, so it's time to find another solution.
I'm sorry for this awful situation you're in. Maybe we can find a better way.
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