Find Senior Care (City or Zip)
Join Now Log In
M
MamaChar Asked July 2023

Any advice on moving elderly parents into AL?

We have just signed my father (95) into hospice and are hoping to move him and my mother (92 w/dementia) to an AL in about 4-5 days. My father took a very sudden change for the worse (pulmonary fibrosis) and we are needing to move fast. I'm seeking any advice to make the move smoother and anything I need to be looking for or asking about so as not to be blindsided later on.


The AL is amazing, as is Hospice, but we will be in charge of providing for my mother until she qualifies for Hospice. Any experienced advice to make the move more comfortable for her? She will be okay with the initial move as we've explained she will be going so that our father won't be alone there.


My one and pretty much only concern for her is falling. She is still continent if she can get to the bathroom, and she will get up several time during the night to go and there have been some falls here at home.


The AL doesn't allow alarms, restraints, side rails or anything I can think of due to state laws (Texas). They can send a check by every 1/2 or 1 hour but I fear she will be sleeping until they've gone and then try to get up.


With her dementia, she will not remember to push any type of call button.


Any help with ideas and suggestions most welcome!


Praying and hoping.


MamaChar

ventingisback Jul 2023
I have a friend whose dad gets up at night to go to the bathroom. Fell many times. My friend hired caregivers at home, throughout the night. The caregivers help to walk to the bathroom.

MamaChar Jul 2023
Just a quick update: After about 3 days of mother not wanting to eat (at all!) she has started to settle in and is now eating somewhat. A few hiccups, but the staff is amazing and caring for her as well as can be expected. No where and no one will ever be able to provide the care I'd like her to have...not even myself! I have come to terms with letting her adjust, adapt and to be there for her as much as I can. I feel like she knows she is loved and it does help that she is still sharing her apartment with my dad...who is also being very well taken care of. I'm starting to relax and unwind. Thank you all for listening and sharing.
Blessed Be!
ventingisback Jul 2023
Great!!!

ADVERTISEMENT


Grandma1954 Jul 2023
MamaChar,
I used to wake my Husband up and get him to the bathroom before I went to bed.
(sometimes it helped and he did not soak though his pull-up brief (aka diaper, I do not like that term)
He would go to bed much earlier than I would and I would get him up and he would go to the bathroom and then I would get him back into bed.
Then it got to the point where it was safer to change him in bed, by then I/he was using the tab briefs. The reason it was easier was that in order to get him up I had to use equipment
Would she use a bedside commode? It might be safer than her getting up to walk to the bathroom.

MamaChar Jul 2023
Do you know anything about waking up a dementia patient during the night...like waking her every two hours to go instead of waiting for her to get the urge by herself? It that safe or smart thing to do with a dementia patient. It definitely wouldn't cause her to lose any sleep as she's already waking on her own 3 to 5 times per night...just a thought... Thank you for your feedback!

MamaChar Jul 2023
Do you know anything about waking up a dementia patient during the night...like waking her every two hours to go instead of waiting for her to get the urge by herself? It that safe or smart thing to do with a dementia patient. It definitely wouldn't cause her to lose any sleep as she's already waking on her own 3 to 5 times per night...just a thought... Thank you for your feedback!

JoAnn29 Jul 2023
I don't understand this "we will be in charge of providing for my mother until she qualifies for Hospice" Do you plan on being there every day caring for your parents? Maybe this why Mom was excepted at the AL because you will be there. Mom going into hospice maybe far off. My Mom was in LTC and Hospice was not brought until she was in transition. Mom suffered from Dementia at least for 6 yrs. I think you will find eventually that Mom will end up being better suited to Memory Care.

Sounds to me you have all your ducks in a row for now. The AL seems to be in agreement with it all. Good Luck and update us on how its working out. We learn from others experiences.
MamaChar Jul 2023
That wasn't very clear, sorry. No, she'll be full AL care, we're (she's) paying for that, but no bed, medical equipment, safety equipment...as would be covered by Hospice. Medicare only covers those if on Hospice...
NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2023
You’re moving in the right direction! Wishing you all the best during this transitional time.

Keep us posted on how things are progressing.

Fawnby Jul 2023
Checking on mom every hour and one-half hour is about the best you can get. That should give you some reassurance, because that's more than anyone can do at home during the night. But - elders with dementia fall. That's just the way it is, and as much as we wish to protect them, we can't do that 100%.

Even with three people in attendance, we couldn't keep my dad from falling.
We'd be one on each side and one behind, and he'd just go limp and be on the floor. Not always - mostly we could stop it.

You've done such a good job in finding care for your parents, so relax and accept that you've done your best. Whatever happens, happens. It's kind of like with our kids; we'd like to wrap them up in cotton batting to make sure that nothing hurts them. Same thing with elders. In either case, we can't always keep them safe.

I'm sure that the facility doesn't want anything to happen to her either. So there's that.
MamaChar Jul 2023
Thank you for your kind encouraging words. I'm definitely at that place where I will be letting go now...time to be the daughter again :)
AlvaDeer Jul 2023
I am assuming that you have discussed completely with the administration the appropriateness of an admission with an elder this much in need? I only say this because in my brother's ALF this would have been memory care needs, esp. for checks this frequent. You clearly will be paying for a level IV plus care with a care plan this inclusive, and for the staff needs, and memory care may not be that much more costly. Given they are entering together they would be roommates so that is another problem sideswiped.

Only you and the administration (and it sounds like a great place from what you have told us) can decide the appropriateness.

I sure do wish you the best of luck. You have, it seems to me, tried hard to think of everything. There are always surprises, but that's life. I wish you the very best.

ADVERTISEMENT

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter