Is it wrong to take mom to the assisted living then tell her that it's her new home? Otherwise, I'm not sure how to get her in the car.

You gotta do what you gotta do. Smile a lot and try to relax so she doesn’t feed off of your emotions. Good luck.

My friend took mom on a day trip gone all day.
meanwhile
family/friends and hired help moved furniture into new apt set it up in relatively the same as old place hanging pictures, setting up tv chairs tables in the "right" places. After the long day, of driving around, visiting people or places drove to the new place and while walking in saying "Oh isn't it great to be home" "I'm so glad we are home" "oh what a wonderful place like home".
It may work but once she's there she may be too tired to fight.

Thats how I did it. Mom was too into her Dementia to explain it. So I took her there and told her it was her new apt. That she would make new friends. She adjusted well.

You’re the only one that can make this decision.

Ideally, it would be nice to be able to tell her the truth. If she won’t be able to comprehend this news then what choice do you have?

You can’t leave her where she is if she isn’t able to do everyday tasks anymore.

You have to find some way to get her to the facility. Don’t beat yourself up over what you may have to say to her.

Consider it an accomplishment that you have brought her to a place where she will be well cared for.

It's a tricky one. You know her best, go with your gut instinct I guess.

Personally, I dislike dishonesty. BUT reasoning & logic only works when someone can understand the reason & logic.

Maybe a 'Don't tell, don't ask' approach eg only disclose what you truly have to?

We are going out this morning. Bring you coat. We'll have coffee, I want you to meet ... from the other week. There's a lot of cleaning & maintenace to be done at your place but there is a nice room you can stay here. There are meals too, no cooking required. Best of all, no cleaning up either!
All of that IS true.. (hopefully the room is nice..).

Over the next few days, each visit you cabring g some personal items. I thought this photo could go here - here's that good rug from home - that nice cushion from your sofa - a few more clothes each time.

Gently or with straight up honesty.

I don't know if there there is a RIGHT way, just what will be best for each family.

She will be angry, sad, grieve her home, maybe blame you. My heart goes out to both of you.

My husband and his family went to support group to learn how to deal with their Mom. They were advised that they could stretch the truth when dealing with her. She was diagnosed with vascular dementia and for her own safety aging in place was no longer an option. She was placed in a secure unit in a beautiful facility. She was told her deceased husband (who she adored) purchased this “condo” for her. She accepted that answer.

Tell her, knowing her, whatever you think will work best. This is a matter of making this as good for her as you are able. But I will warn you that habit is all, for our very impaired seniors. She will notice and she will be anxious, and perhaps tearful. She hopefully will adjust. Not everything can be fixed. And isn't this loss, yet another one in a world of losses, worth grieving, for you both?

I wish you well and hope that this goes better than you hoped.

What’s wrong is to leave her alone in an unsafe situation. Many here have used “therapeutic lies” to gain someone’s cooperation. You can also let experienced staff at the place she’s moving to give you guidance on making the move happen as peacefully as possible