I witnessed the most caring aides today. Is this at least fairly common?

The NH where my father now resides is affiliated with a Catholic convent. There is a sister on each floor. They are very kind and they frequently just stop in to chat with a resident. You can just tell they care. Makes me feel good too.

The two aides we have caring for my mother also are very caring kind people. One will go shopping for my mom at Costco when she is out doing hers. The other has oftentimes brought my mothers laundry home and insisted on doing it at no charge.

In this journey as miserable as it is, I have found there are compassionate capable people who do this work because they choose to.

I feel that my family is very lucky to have found wonderful caring people.

I employed a live-in CNA for my parents plus some relief aides. They had all worked in facilities. They were all the kindest and most caring people ever. The live-in said she’d always had an interest in old people, and she was totally dedicated. They were her life work.

Such people do exist.

I’d like to add that my mother was released to this home by the hospital. (She was released with a day’s notice and I was not equipped to bring her to my house. Plus many of you already know how ugly things became when she was here.) We rushed over to see the home before the medical transport arrived and were warmly welcomed. We sure lucked out!

My mother (98, advanced dementia) is in a small (approx 10) care home and the staff is wonderful. We are thrilled and relieved! Especially since my mother has negative delusions about me so I don’t visit as often as I used to. (we’ll test the waters again) I often dropped by unannounced and found the place spotless and staff chatting with residents about this and that as they worked. My mother is quite content there. I tell them how much we appreciate them and occasionally take treats.

We used a respite home prior to finding this gem. The staff was warm and caring but the boss was controlling - a real micromanager. I felt awful for her staff. You could sense the tension rise when the boss came around.

I wish everyone care as good as we have for my mother. We’re very grateful.

This story gives me some hope that if I become disabled or simply live long enough to end up in a care facility (I'm 86), it might even be a great/good one! Totally agree with the suggestions to recognize the attentive staff in some way. They have a tough job and kudos X 1,000 to those who care and do it well.

I’m so glad that your dad is in a great facility.

The aides at my mom’s end of life hospice care home were wonderful. My mom was very pleased with the entire staff. They loved her and she loved them.

It was the norm at my folks AL and again at moms Memory Care Assisted Living facilty. My folks always treated the staff with respect which helped, I think, to establish a good relationship.

It was the norm at my mom's nursing home.

If you got the names of the Aides that you spoke to or saw the interaction with the other resident PLEASE send a little note to the facility and let them know how impressed you were with the caring attention that they displayed.

And always if there is someone that goes out of their way for you or your dad let the management know and send a copy of your praise as they can use it in their resume. Or it may help if they want a promotion or get a better schedule. A facility can not afford to lose good staff.

And always remember when you enter the facility smile and say Good Morning (or afternoon) to the staff you see, even the person moping the floor. They remember you and if you treat them with kindness and respect they will treat you and your dad the same way. Say good bye and thank you when you leave.

If you happen to think about it stop by Sam's or Costco sometime and pick up a tray of cookies or other treat. Spread the times around so that each shift gets an opportunity for a share. (I am sure homemade goodies are not permitted otherwise I would suggest that) Some ideas:
cookies
fruit tray
popcorn
a bag of individually wrapped candy or mints.
for a splurge, coffee, hot chocolate and donuts
Sandwich tray
Call in a pizza delivery for them
box of chocolates.

Your experience mirrors what we had at my mother's memory care. They adored my crunchy, crabby mother because they could understand her frustrations and noticed when her real personality came through. They were kind, attentive, snarky when she was snarky, and loved to hear her recite her old college yell. (It's a nonsensical chant that starts with "Och tamale gazolly gazump, deyump, deyatty yahoo!") One of them even signed the condolence card saying she was going to miss hearing her say the "Och Tamale."

Count your blessings.

When visiting my father one day one of the male aides was walking down the hall and I was surprised at how much this aide knew about my father's personal life. Like he really listened to him when he talked. That was really nice. Other aides there were snippy with me. One snapped at me for walking in front of my father instead of behind him. My father wouldn't move without me 'leading' him so walking behind him was not an option. If they were worried about him falling that is just something that will happen with a 90+ year old. Where I am positioned is not going to make any difference in the outcome.

In every job everywhere, you’ll find good and bad people.

Yes, my mother’s little place is absolutely a hidden gem. Neat as a pin, barely any turnover as far as I can see - even during Covid - which says volumes. They go bananas decorating for EVERY holiday, Halloween is particularly hysterical. I almost never announce visits and once walked in on an aide hugging my mom and snuggling on her shoulder while they looked at pictures. They also do the occasional van trip to ice cream.

Have to add I never would have found this place, nor even chosen it had I time to look. It’s embedded in a larger graduated care compound and they don’t advertise their MC. Also the cognitive levels of residents are mixed and the layout looks goofy on first impression - you walk in and right in the entry space they hold their chair exercise class for example. As time has passed I realize how completely awesome they are. Knowing what I know now I pretty much worship the ground the entire MC crew walks on!

This place prioritizes admitting residents from the compound they’re attached to, however I would guess that they and other embedded MCs accept respite patients and people from outside the regular facility when there is extra space. For anyone looking for an MC I highly recommend peeking into these embedded MCs as a possible option.

I would right a nice not to the Administrator and the head nurse. I would say that these aides have been trained properly. I may even bring in some treats and leave them in the aides break room with a thank you note.

My Mom was in a small AL and like everything else in life, you have your good ones and not so good ones. At Moms AL the good out weighted the bad. Another thing to remember, is that the nice residents will get more attention then the ones not so nice. Its human nature. My daughter was an LPN now an RN and she takes the "not so nice" as a challenge. My Dad was a Curmudgeon and daughter says that having him as a grandfather helps her deal with the other Curmudgeons she comes across.

I think it's very common. Just as caring, professional teachers, EMT's, LEO's, wait staff, and all of the other jobs whose primary focus is helping people in various capacities. These people go through their lives every day, doing their jobs very well, without looking for accolades or public praise. Mostly they just want to be left alone to do the careers they decided on without outside interference from arm-chair critics. The problem is, while people are very quick to write about criticisms and complaints, they are far less willing to write praises, which is really a shame.

And, quite frankly, instead of asking if this behavior is common, you might have asked how you go about acknowledging and thanking these people for their kindness and dedication.

Because even if this behavior wasn't common, it apparently is in the facility where your dad resides. This might be a good time to be grateful and find a way to express that gratitude. I imagine the staff would very much appreciate it.

I don’t think it’s uncommon. My friend is in such a place. She’s a professional artist and they help her order art supplies. She has a special table in her room, and they made sure she had a special chair so she is comfortable. They are aware she can’t see well so they are very helpful with that, going the extra mile to make sure she can go on creating.

A smallish memory care near me finds something to celebrate almost every day. A birthday, holidays, they have picnics and BBQs for aides, family and residents. Rides around the property in the golf cart are a treat. So are trips to the ice cream place in the minivan. Praise from aides for any accomplishment is common. This starts with the owner of the facility, who runs it according to Teepa Snow advice.

If you don’t look for these places, you won’t find them, but they are out there.

As others have mentioned, you are blessed. We hear more stories of the opposite. My experience was over worked aids who were doing the best they could with a detached management. Unfortunately, I think what you are seeing is the exception. I am so delighted you are experiencing a great environment.

Can you share the name of the place and its location?

You found a great place for your dad. Be sure to compliment them and say something positive to the management.

care aides work so very hard and some receive nothing but complaints. It would make their day to hear a thank you. Yes, you are very lucky to have found such a caring place. Recognition is usually passed down through management of the company.

HAve you taken the time to write a note to the supervisor recognizing such positive behavior? It's something I try to always make time for. They receive such little recognition...for such a difficult job. I'm sure you would make their day.

Sounds like you found a place with caring people - so good to hear - like the news, people are more likely to share / remember the horror stories but there are many caring folks.
There’s also a tone set by the leadership that you can sense when you walk in - the stress of even those looking to do the right thing can be palpable - and they’ll likely tell you with words or body language.

As humans, we are wired to remember the negative moments so your surprise here is not surprising! Also it’s why it’s important to remember to thank folks (at least 5 compliments for one criticism).
glad you found a caring place