Let the person know they're hurting your feelings with this type of talk, and you'll be leaving their presence each and every time the topic is broached. Even with dementia, they'll likely catch on.
It’s tough. I am sorry that you are going through this.
Even if a person is aware of a parent’s dementia, it still hurts and doesn’t take your frustration and pain away.
I’m curious, has your parent always been this way? Throwing the past up in your face? Or is this relatively new behavior?
There is absolutely no point in throwing the past up in someone’s face. First of all, the only thing it accomplishes is making them angry.
I think people should question why they do this. It isn’t helpful for them or the person that they are humiliating. They only think it makes them feel better and perhaps it does temporarily but in the long run, it is only prolonging everyone’s suffering.
People can be stuck in the past with or without dementia. It’s truly sad.
Adding one more thing, no one, absolutely no one wants to be remembered for the last mistakes that they made. I so wish that people could understand that doing this is completely futile behavior.
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You might watch some Teepa Snow videos and see if they are helpful to help you recognize behaviors that are part of dementia and techniques to help you guide them past the bumps in the road.
With anyone who is angry, try what will help them regain their composure. Change of scenery, soothing music, ice cream, phone call to favorite Grand etc.
If possible see if you can find a therapist for you and one for them. Medicare pays for therapy and it allows the person to be heard.
If your person has dementia, know that this could be a stage as they forget the hurts. Usually some other symptom will appear as that one fades as dementia is progressive.
Try reading a little about rumination to see if that fits your loved one.
Since you put ur question under Dementia I will assume your dealing with someone who is suffering from it. Know that even early on, a person suffering from Dementia cannot be reasoned with. Short-term memory is the first to go. The ability to process what is being said to them goes as does empathy. They become self-centered because their world is becoming smaller and confusing. And paranoia sets in.
You respond with "I am sorry" It will just be said the next day. Some times they get in loops and won't let go. You come into their world, don't expect them to understand yours.
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”I’ve been meaning to ask you, what did you dad used to do for a living?”
redirecting works well with my MIL.
Even if a person is aware of a parent’s dementia, it still hurts and doesn’t take your frustration and pain away.
I’m curious, has your parent always been this way? Throwing the past up in your face? Or is this relatively new behavior?
There is absolutely no point in throwing the past up in someone’s face. First of all, the only thing it accomplishes is making them angry.
I think people should question why they do this. It isn’t helpful for them or the person that they are humiliating. They only think it makes them feel better and perhaps it does temporarily but in the long run, it is only prolonging everyone’s suffering.
People can be stuck in the past with or without dementia. It’s truly sad.
We will give more custom feedback with more information,
You might watch some Teepa Snow videos and see if they are helpful to help you recognize behaviors that are part of dementia and techniques to help you guide them past the bumps in the road.
With anyone who is angry, try what will help them regain their composure. Change of scenery, soothing music, ice cream, phone call to favorite Grand etc.
If possible see if you can find a therapist for you and one for them. Medicare pays for therapy and it allows the person to be heard.
If your person has dementia, know that this could be a stage as they forget the hurts. Usually some other symptom will appear as that one fades as dementia is progressive.
Try reading a little about rumination to see if that fits your loved one.
https://theocdandanxietycenter.com/rumination/
Since you put ur question under Dementia I will assume your dealing with someone who is suffering from it. Know that even early on, a person suffering from Dementia cannot be reasoned with. Short-term memory is the first to go. The ability to process what is being said to them goes as does empathy. They become self-centered because their world is becoming smaller and confusing. And paranoia sets in.
You respond with "I am sorry" It will just be said the next day. Some times they get in loops and won't let go. You come into their world, don't expect them to understand yours.