Hello all, my wife is in her third year of this dreadful disease and is only 62 this year. I could use your advice.

First, breathe. I’m sorry that you are going through this. My husband just turned 62 and he’s in year 6.

Contact Alzheimer’s Association and see if they can help you figure out your options. Next, Social Security said my husband wasn’t eligible for disability because he hadn’t worked enough recently. The lawyers said there was nothing I could do. Alzheimer’s Association to me to file a Compassionate Allowance application because there is an exception for dementias. I did and he received benefits no problems. You will need to be her representative payee due to her condition. My husband gets $1,418 per month so that should help.

Next, I would educate the kids about her condition and ask them to commit to whatever help they can provide. Dementia/Alzheimer’s is hard for people to conceptualize because they can’t easily see it. They will have to learn what the disease is. There are movies about people who went through this on Amazon. Search “Alzheimer’s movies”.

Finally, take care of yourself. Research the illness so you can deal with it better. Love her while you can and know that in the end, it will be okay.

Best

Yes definitely talk to a elder law attorney and then apply for Medicaid. You are in for a very long haul as your wife has early onset Alzheimer's which sadly can go on for 20+ years.
One of the gentlemen in my caregivers support group just lost his wife this month and he was in year 21 with her suffering from it, as she too had early onset Alzheimer's.
He had to place her 7 years ago in a memory care facility as she just got too much for him to handle at home.
I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. Look to see if your city has an Adult Daycare Center as they do a wonderful job with dementia folks. You can take her there 5 days a week and up to 8 hours a day. They will feed her breakfast, lunch and a snack and they do great activities to keep the folks busy. Plus they have a spa day where they will shower and wash your loved ones hair.
And if money is an issue for that they do offer some help with that.
And most importantly make sure that you're taking time away for yourself to do the things that you enjoy, as that will keep your spirits lifted up and will help on this very hard and long journey you're on.
And if possible, find a good local caregiver support group as there is nothing better than being able to share with other folks who know exactly what you're going through.
May God bless you and keep you.

Grandma1954 August 1, 2023 2:47pm
If you and your wife have been married at least 10 years when she turns 65 she will be eligible for Medicare because of the marriage.
Your wife should now be eligible for Social Security Disability.
Please contact your social Security Office and talk to someone.
Please contact your local Senior Service Center and see if they are aware of any services or programs she would be eligible for.
You could also contact the Area Agency on Aging and again ask what services are available.
I honestly do not think it is safe for you to leave your wife at home alone.
If you have been members of a Church or other religious organization they may have a Volunteer program that might offer some help.
A call to the Alzheimer's Association might help they may have a list of services and Support Groups in your area.
this is the 24/7 help line number 1-800-272-3900

For a caregiver contact your local Community college and ask if they have a Nursing program or a CNA Certification program. Anyone that has just completed classes might want to work privately rather than in a facility.
I would still do back ground checks and you should pay a fair rate but it might be less than if you went through an agency.
And even though it is more paperwork do not "pay under the table" as you now see having the income declared and reported is important.

Make a free consultation appointment with an Elder Law Attorney to figure out how your wife can qualify for Medicaid.

As far as I know Medicaid and Supplimental Income (SSI) are not based on earnings you made in a lifetime. There are immigrants in the US that after getting residence established (greencard) they are entitled to Medicaid after 5 years. If ur wife was paid under the table, you don't need to mention this. She was a homemaker. As such, she is entitled to Social Security and when 65 Medicare based on your earnings as her spouse. She can apply for Social Security now, she just does not get 100% like she would at 67. (Not sure if by getting SS on ur earnings, she needs to wait till u retire)

Now Medicaid, I think you may want to see an Elder lawyer. I know you want to keep ur wife home as long as possisible but she eventually will need more care than u can give. Medicaid allows for assets to be split. Wifes split going towards her care and when gone, you apply for Medicaid. I think an Elder Lawyer maybe able to help u in other ways too.

She may qualify for Social Security Disability. That is different then Social Security.

Hi gman, I'm so sorry to hear all that you and your wife are going thru. It must be overwhelming to manage it all. I think you've gotten a wealth of information from others on this site re: social security benefits and a slew of other options. The only other small thing I will add is in reference to your being exhausted from working and then having to jump into all of the household responsibilities. For that, I wanted to suggest the following ~
- try to make this as simple as possible to navigate - such as, forget about using regular plates to then have to wash - and instead, just use plastic disposable plates (or paper plates) and disposable cutlery. It's worth it.

- regarding laundry, you can google dry cleaners in your local area and most of them offer bunk laundry - it's very inexpensive and sometimes, they can pick up and deliver. I arranged this for my elderly parents and every other week, it's all done for them - also comes folded. They just leave out their laundry bag and it's taken care of. Their laundry costs about $15 to take care of - for a huge, heavy laundry bag.

- cooking - you can order online instead of grocery shopping - Amazon Fresh or WholeFoods - try to get simple pre-made meals that just require microwaving - (such as pizza, frozen pasta meals - or cold cuts, etc) or a food service for meals.

- house cleaning - if you can get a housekeeper every 2- 3 weeks just to tidy up, it will help keep things organized.

For now, until you can get her ss benefits and anything else others have suggested, you may want to look into adult day care options to keep her occupied.


I think you wold benefit a lot from a support group for Alzheimers as well to keep you connected with others. Wishing you all the very best.

Hi Jeff. Sorry for what you’re going through. It’s a tough journey. I recommend you look up your city/county’s Dept of Seniors & Aging. Look for resources. contact the agency and establish a case worker/contact to do a needs assessment. We were able to get a financial grant that partially paid for my Mother-in-Law to go to Adult Day Care while we continued to work. We paid some, the grant picked up the rest.

We quickly learned that hiring a babysitter for an evening out at $30/hr cost more than the evening out. When we needed a break, we would ask a trusted friend to visit with Mom while we ate, shopped or whatever.

Wishing you all the best in this sad journey. Don’t hesitate to reach out to this forum. It’s a great resource.

She is disabled now and no longer able to work. I believe you should be able to file for SSI for the disabled. https://www.ssa.gov/disability/

Also, since she is now 62 she may be able to apply for early retirement. But, the problem may be that she did not pay into the system as you said. However, disability is different and she does not need have paid into the system.

Please confer immediately with her PCP, share these behaviors of your wife ( which are unsafe) and get PCP to refer you to a elder care/ senior services case manager, usually a licensed Social Worker who can begin to help you navigate the options for your wife's care and safety. She is not safe left alone from what you are sharing. Also, you should get legal input ; an Elder Law attorney should give you a no charge initial consult to at least start getting input on legal responsibility, accountability aspects of caring for aging relative with cognitive challenges.