Hey, still dealing with my mother's verbal abusive behavior towards the staff. We are currently trying anti depressients to see if this helps, too early to tell. We have tried them in the past they did nothing, but I am humoring her current facility.
This brings me to the my question, we have found a new facility, thing is they have policy (which I have to look into if it this is legal) where they do not allow overnight stays outside the facility. Outside of that one policy they have good reviews, we toured the place it seems great. They also claim to have experience with difficult residents. As did the other place but it is what it is.
Should I view the request / policy to not take my mom home for the weekends as a red flag?
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Have you tried telling mom if she mistreats the staff during the week then no weekend visits?
I only ask because she clearly can control this behavior since she doesn't do it to the other residents.
If the place that allows no weekend visits wants her, let her live there. Allow the professionals to deal with her.
Then you can stop thinking the problem to death and resume normal life.
Cover909
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Might be time to let the trained people handle her and not keep running the same tape over & over in your head and accomplishing nothing.
She is a manipulator, has the routine down pat, gets you all worked up, keeps the stress level high. Works for her, what about everyone else?
Cover909
I keep thinking about Barb saying that her mother grabbed the steering wheel when her husband was driving. They never took her out again after having that experience.
For many over night stays can be confusing.
Often there can be behavior problems when the resident returns.
For many routine is important and a visit overnight throws off the routine.
There are regulations for each State.
It is possible that the Doctor has to sign off on the visit.
Check "Medicare Bed Hold Policy"
You can view it on line. Might be faster to look through if you Google the Hold Policy for your specific State rather than going through each state.
If it doesn’t help her by taking her home, plus the fact that it is going to be against the new facility’s policies, why would you even want to bring her home?
What stage of dementia is she in? I hope that you see some improvement with her meds.
In theory she probably did not "need" to be placed but we also could not afford the 24/7 care required to keep her safe or the people in her building. We placed her after she nearly started a fire that could have burned down her apartment.
We enjoy her company, and she enjoys seeing her family that is why we take her home. We placed her because it was unsafe to keep her home, not because we never wanted her to engage with us.
My LO was taught to be 'good in company'. This is deep seated & she shows respect to any staff/ care workers. But out of their view, with family.. she can become bossy & attempts to control us.
Your Mom is sort of the opposite. Pleasant to you & other residents but reacts with rudeness to people in 'authority positions'. Has she always been like that?
I hope the next month brings positive change.
I swear when she hears people say we can handle it. In her head she is like hold my beer, and takes it as a personal challenge.
I would keep searching for a better place.
Are there Board and Care facilities in your area?
Is there any staff training around dementia for the staff? Watching a couple of Teepa Snow videos and having a facilitated discussion with the social worker might make a huge difference.
Are you in the habit of regularly bring treats to the staff?
I will look into Board and Care facilities. I assume they are more akin to group homes by the name alone. First time I have heard of them.
Unfortunately each place came highly recommended for as dementia specialist.
I use to bring snacks and stuff at the start regularly. Then the complaints and death glares started. More and more I felt unwelcomed. I am sure my mom felt the same.
More and more it sounds like there is something else going on here besides dementia.
That has been a working theory her doctors have had, but without prior documented baselines and assessments it is difficult to determine now post dementia.
Also as family many behaviors many thought were out there we just passed as old country shit lol.