Nursing home jitters and feeling sad.

I was totally distraught when the time came for my father to go into assisted living. Within days of him being there his condition surprisingly improved. I got to know the managers and staff and some of the other resident's children within a short time and everything is as perfect as it could be. Some staff are moody at times but most are so caring like I could never imagined. They go the extra mile in everything they do. Every need is taken care of and done promptly. I have no concerns at all with him being there. In fact if he decided to leave I would be distraught!

There’s no denying the sadness of moving a parent into a nursing home. It’s not a phase of life any of us wants to see come to fruition. I remember it well and am sorry you’re there. But also glad to hear you’ve done so well in finding a good place. My mom’s nursing home was about 30-40 minutes from me, I went on average twice a week, my dad was there twice a day, mostly due to missing mom. And yes, we labeled everything. Meet the activities director and have her encourage mom out of her room and make introductions to others of similar abilities. Hopefully she will feel comfortable soon

Great the move went well.

Is there any area of the NH that is "happy"?

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You're not going to be a "full time caregiver" obviously, your mom is in a NH. But you will need to be there for a wide variety of needs and issues that arise. It's better to wrap your mind around that fact now than to be gobsmacked with the reality of the matter later on. You'll need to decide on a schedule of times to visit her, since she's wanting to see you a lot. Create a schedule that works for YOU as well as mom. Expect that she'll make friends in the NH in time, too.

Personal property does go missing in managed care, especially hearing aids for some reason, probably bc they're so small. My mother used to run over her eyeglasses with her wheelchair when she lived in memory care AL. The best I could do was call her eye doc and order her a new pair from the last prescription on file. You'd have to do that from her eye doc in CA. Just something to keep in mind in case there's an issue with her glasses. It used to stupefy me the things mom needed in memory care AL. Like when her feet were super swollen and I had to go to WM and buy 8 pr of men's sneakers in all different sizes, drive them to the AL so she could try them on, then drive the returns back to WM. Or Kohls for 10 bras for her to try on, pick a few that fit, etc. 🙄 Then she wanted sports bras so I bought out Targets supply of them, dropped them off, and said THAT'S IT WITH THE BRAS MA.

Wishing you the very best of luck managing your life and creating time for YOURSELF and your family.

Congratulations on achieving your goal of moving mom closer.

Now you’re entering the full-fledged crisis of caregiving. Yes, it’s going to be more difficult than expected. You don’t have to stop whining, but I’ll tell you what the social worker told me: “Forget about all that. You’re a caregiver now.” Meaning that I should forget my satisfying career, social life and hobbies. At the time I didn’t think she could possibly be right, but she was.

I'm happy for this success! You are doing the best possible for her given any and all circumstances.

This is where you start practicing the counting of blessings (since many seniors don't have a caring daughter willing to do what you're doing); reminding yourself you are feeling grief, not guilt (because there's a big difference); reminding yourself that this set-up may not be perfect but it's the "least bad option", which is often all that is available on the aging and decline journey.

You can't let yourself burnout, for your own sake but also for your Mom's. You put on your oxygen mask first so that you're there to put on hers. May you receive peace in your heart!

Have peace knowing that you did your best to have her placed closer to you.

The rest will fall into place. You sound like a conscious person who will handle everything appropriately.

Best wishes to you and your family!

“Do we really have to worry about things going missing?”

Of course yes. There are countless stories of stealing or missing.

Also, if you want, you’ll have to be careful of neglect (advocating), and generally watching out for your mom. Unless you walk away, the problems don’t end with a facility. Whether at home or in a facility, the problems never end, until death.

Jenny, I'm so glad the travel went well! Good for you for getting that all sorted out successfully!

Did you label your kid's stuff for school and summer camp? Nursing homes are no different. Things get misplaced.

What is the plan going forward for mom's doc appointments to address pain, bowel, spine and heart issues?

I was 90 minutes travel from my mom's NH. When she had a doc appointment, I had medical transport take her there and I met her at the doctor's office. Frankly, we used the NH doctor for almost all her issues; she was on palliative care from the outset.