She lost her license a few months ago because she hit a car in a restaurant parking lot & didn’t realize it. Customers called the police & they came by the house. I wasn’t there (she lives with me). I’ve discussed her eyesight, the size of her vehicle (large SUV), what would happen physically, medically, & financially if she hurt/killed someone - to no avail. She simply says, “I’m gonna do what I want.” Miraculously, she was able to pass her tests & got her license back, but she hits things (boxes, tables, etc) in the garage all the time. The entire family thinks she should stop driving, but no one is willing to give an ultimatum. Please help. What do I do? I don’t have POA.
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Mom gave up driving pretty easily--but not before she had seriously dented all 4 fenders of her little car. At the end, she was seeing the road between the 'spokes' of the steering wheel. My last trip with her at the wheel had me shaking in my boots.
Luckily--after her hip replacement, she never regained the strength necessary to even push the gas pedal. Plus YB made her show him how she was going to get her walker in the car, get HER in the car and safely back out of the garage.
She couldn't even get the walker in the car. And she HAD to walk with that.
She did reluctantly release the keys and gave us no pushback.
36 years ago, we had just bought out first brand new car--a Chevy Astro van which was such a joy after having cars too small to comfortably fit our family.
On our FIRST longer trip in this van, we were approaching an intersection way out in the middle of nowhere. We could see an elderly man in a sedan sitting at the stop sign. My DH said "This guy is going to pull out in front of me!" and he did, with no looking left nor right. Luckily, the roads were wet, so we hit him HARD, 55 mph and he spun around and around and wound up in a ditch. He had a carload of elderly ladies with him. They could easily all been killed or at least seriously hurt. Our van was huge and heavy, but it still did considerable damage. My kids learned that day the importance of seatbelts!!!
Of course this old gent lost his license, we made sure of that--but what 'could have been' still haunts me to this day.
Driving is a PRIVILEGE. Even if you have to disable mom's car and hide the keys and drain the gas--please, please don't let her drive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will never forget the look on the one lady's face as we hit the car---pure terror.
Mom lives with you.
Since she has a license, passed the test and got her license back then...
I would set some ground rules.
1. She can no longer park in your garage. If she is damaging things in the garage by hitting them she can park outside.
2. No one rides with her. (family members her friends can take a chance if they want)
3. If she does any damage to your property file a claim with her insurance. Enough claims her insurance may be increased to the point where she can not afford it AND/OR he will be cancelled.
Legally if she has a license, if the car is hers, if she has valid insurance you can not take the car away, disable the car. If there is a medical reason she should not be driving there are forms the DMV has that her doctor can complete and send in.
I hate this because you hear all the time about people that drive into stores, into a crowd and it may have been prevented.
last option might be to give an ultimatum. (and I really dislike ultimatums)
"Mom, as long as you are living here I can not let you continue to drive. If you want to keep your license and car you will have to find another place to live"
YOU are the one that has to give this ultimatum since she is living with you.
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POA is irrelevant.
Contact her doctor, who could test her for various abilities and stop her driving. Possibilities are cognitive issues, vision problems and hearing impairment. Do it before she kills someone.
You’ve already tried to deal with her rationally and she doesn’t understand. Looks like dementia to me.
Good luck.
She got pulled over for some bone headed move, and was basically issued some kind of order which temporarily revoked her license until she passed another test. I am guessing the officer knew she would not pass a test, but by this method it kind of puts the ball back in the elderly person's court.
It was winter, so my aunt thought she would wait until spring to take test, at which time she realized she should not be driving
I dont know if this procedure is state specific but I found it a good way to in a sense take away a license without actually taking it away.
My cousin who is 100 talks about her upcoming plans like she is never going to die! LOL 😆
She still drives! Gets speeding tickets! Her children have given up on what to do. I wish they would pass a law where seniors have to take a driving test more often. Our license is good for four years. Seniors should certainly have to renew their licenses before four years.
My cousin is an energizer bunny! She lives in a senior independent apartment all alone, no walker! She cooks, cleans and helps the other seniors in her apartment building! She’s quite unusual for her age.
In short, there's not a thing you can do but hope and pray she doesn't have to live with injuring someone ELSE on the roads before she dies. Your dilemma is all too common. Too many don't give up their licenses. My own brother only gave his up at 84 after a very serious accident that resulted in his diagnosis of probable early Lewy's dementia.
As with so many things, you aren't in control of this. Be certain never to ride in the car with her, and advise others likewise. You have done your best. Just take this one off your plate.
Then she tries to shame the cop for giving her a ticket! Or she will tell him that her grandson is a cop. She still gets the ticket and is miffed.
I have stopped telling her that it probably isn’t a good idea to drive because I am not one of her children. Actually, they have given up too.
She still lives alone in her senior apartment. She won’t go to assisted living because she says that it costs too much and that the “old” people in her building need her help with cooking and cleaning.
We call this tiny woman who is barely 100 lbs the energizer bunny! I kind of feel like one day she is just going to drop dead!
She doesn’t have any major health issues. She loves stylish clothes and loves going out to lunch with her friends.
Not many people have this quality of life at her age! I’m amazed at her attitude. She will talk about what she’s planning to do in the upcoming year!
When I hear about seniors who won't give up the keys, I think of the story of George Weller. Google it if you haven't heard of it before.
Witnesses were quoted as hearing him say, "Well you shoulda gotten out of my way!"
She slammed into my car and caused quite a bit of damage. Then, she foolishly tried to drive away from the accident.
I immediately wrote down her license plate number and called the police. I didn’t have a camera on my cellphone back then.
She tells me, “Honey, I have stuffed peppers baking in my oven that I need to tend to.”
My response was, “Lady, I don’t care what you are cooking! I am missing physical therapy because you plowed into my car! You are going to wait for the police to come and make a report!”
She says, “My daughter is going to be so upset that I had an accident.” I said, ‘Well, I am sorry about that but you are not going anywhere until the police speak with you to file a report.’
So, the cop came to the scene and she proceeded to lie to the officer. This old lady was working on my last nerve!
She told the cop that the accident was my fault! The cop took one look at my car and discreetly said to me that he could tell by the damage that she hit me.
Thank Goodness she had insurance. Her daughter never allowed her to drive her child to school ever again.
My 100 year old cousin still drives. It’s ridiculous! The DMV worker asked her boss, “What do I do? This woman is 100 years old!” The boss said, “If she passes her eye exam she can get a license.”
My cousins can’t stop their mom from driving. She is stubborn! They don’t live near their mom.
My cousin tells off the cops when she gets speeding tickets driving to Walmart, dollar store, lunch with friends, grocery, doctor appointments and church!
I think seniors should have to take driving tests more frequently than they do. In Louisiana it is every four years.