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Basictakes99 Asked August 2023

How do you approach an aide that lies about tasks they have completed regarding LO's care?

I am running into an issue our caregiver whom my LO loves and is well acquainted and has adjusted too wonderfully. Has lately been lying about fulfilling the her everyday tasks. She did them prior, it is nothing too crazy like going for walks, helping with meal prep, packing and doing just my LO dirty laundry.


 


My wife would like me to leave it alone in fear the aid will quit, and we back to finding aids. I on the other hand think it is unfair. Is this common for aids after they get comfortable to start to slack off?

BurntCaregiver Aug 2023
I was a homecare 'aide' for 25 years. I now operate my own homecare business. I had many long term assignments Some were for years at a time.

When your aide starting working for your wife, was she given a written job description of what her daily tasks would be by you or your wife? Or by the agency who employs her if she isn't a private hire?

What exactly is she slacking off on? You say that it's nothing "too crazy" so that leads me to believe that maybe we're entering the realm of knit-picking here.

Yes, a homecare worker gets comfortable on the job when they've been somewhere for a long time. It is a unique position because we also provide socialization and companionship to care clients. The aide spends hours a day in a person's home. They provide very intimate care for them like wiping their a$$ and bathing them. Trust and a kind of professional friendship develops. Homecare is not like the world of 'Downton Abbey' or 'Upstairs Downstairs' where the servants retreat to their quarters until someone rings for them.

We get comfortable on the job with our clients. Everyone else on every other job in the world does too at some point. Yet somehow, when a person is a homecare aide and fails to "look busy" or be seen running around every minute of their shift, people get fussy about it. The accusations of being "lazy" and "slacking off" start showing up. More times than not it's a case of good, old-fashioned knit-picking. Mind, I tell you this from 25 years of experience in the field.

I'm going to give you some valuable advice here, my friend.

Listen to your good wife. Don't complain and knit-pick because you think it's not fair.
If you've got an aide who is competent and gets the important stuff done who your wife (the actual client) likes and gets along with, your best bet would be to pipe down and leave well enough alone.

The aide may very well leave your wife's service. I usually did when the knit-picking started.
You and your wife may not get lucky with the next aide that replaces this one if she goes.
Think on that for a bit.

Basictakes99 Aug 2023
THanks I will try this tomorrow.

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BarbBrooklyn Aug 2023
Willie's advice is brilliant and spot on, as always.

Please remind your wife that you guys (or someone) is PAYING for this service and it needs to be done according to YOUR specifications.

Would your wife allow a contractor to skimp on a kitchen renovation?

JoAnn29 Aug 2023
Oh, I like that Willie. I always say "ask" don't accuse.

cwillie Aug 2023
It sure is, and they count on people like your wife who are too afraid to call them on it.
You don't need to go into this in an accusatory way, late talk show host Dr Joy Browne used to say "be curious not furious" and I think that's a good strategy. So...

I noticed the last couple of times you were here that mom's laundry didn't get done, is there a problem I need to know about?
If they say they didn't get around to it...
Let's go over your tasks and prioritize them so the things I feel are most important get done first.
What this does is make them aware that you are paying attention, and it allows you to reinforce the expectations of the job..

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