How can I prepare for my mom's reaction to Dad's passing?

My friend and her husband were very attached to their dog, Gigi. Husband went to memory care, and friend brought the dog to visit him often. Then Gigi died. Friend decided not to tell husband because it would make him sad. Husband started asking, "Where's Gigi?" Friend said she's at the groomers, or at the vet's or whatever. Finally after a few months the husband said, "Gigi's passed, hasn't she?" Friend very gently said that yes, she had. He took it in stride. The key was to let him guess on his own. He never brought it up again. Friend didn't even think he remembered it.

You really Just do Not Know - Let her visit him and hold his hand . That way she has peaceful memories and knows she was with him till the End . Usually after someone Passes Its a state of shock and gradually You know they are gone . There are social workers with in Hospice that can help you and your Mother and support groups for the grieving person / persons .

I would say nothing until it happens. I would tell her one time. Aft that the little lies. If u have a service, I may take her there but ask that it be kept short. Depending on how far gone she is, I may not take her to the graveside. If your having a luncheon, maybe a family member who lives close by can take her to ur house and later to the luncheon. I would ask that people not overwhelm her by giving condolences and hugs. I would allow her to eat and then someone take her home.

My Dad died 8 yrs before my Mom's dementia was diagnosed. She never talked about him. My sister passed 19 yrs before, she never mentioned her. When she would get paranoid, which was not often, she would blame me and my youngest brother. No mention of my other brother who we in jest called the golden child. As Moms Dementia progressed, I saw no reason to tell her family members died.

My step-father died, my step-mother has dementia, they called my brother and I when he passed.

We went and told her the next day, she stomped her feet, never cried and said "He didn't recognize me yesterday" that was it, she never brought him up again.

See their minds are broken, they do not empathize or feel like the rest of us do. You cannot look at the situation through your eyes, your feelings.

You do not have to tell her either, that is your choice.

I am very sorry about this, take care!

You don't have to tell her that he's died. You know that right? Because your moms brain is broken she is not going to understand it anyway, so why put her through it.
They are called therapeutic lies or as those of us in my caregivers support group like to call them "fiblets."
So when she asks about your dad, you just say something like....He's still in the hospital recovering, or he had to go to rehab, or he will be home later.
Whatever it takes to keep her calm.
Wishing you peace and comfort in the days ahead.

I'm so sorry for this situation you're in. Very sorry to hear about your dad. You'll also need to look after yourself too. I understand that long husband/wife relationship is different.

Can you openly discuss it? and break it to her gently. It's going to be heartache either way, can you say I feel dad will not be with us much longer. There's no avoiding the heartache, just providing a much love as possible from the entire family if there's other people, members of the family to provide support too. If you have a loving family around you to give support it can help to know you are all going through the same. I think just love & compassion from many people as possible.

Blessings.

(((Hug))) to you, your mom, your dad.

Her concern shows how much she loves him. They’ve been married for a long time.

It’s hard for you. Her anxiety, worry.

At the same time, it’s great to see such pure, deep love.

Have you read “The Happy Prince”? Oscar Wilde. A very short story. Very sweet. Also about pure, deep love.