If husband is kicked out of memory care due to extreme agitation, high maintenance tendencies, and volitivity to others, where does he go next?

Yes, and sadly, a nursing home with a psyc unit and/or medications may be the last and sad answer ultimately. There is no question of your taking him home. He is currently being assessed. Keep close contact with the Social Worker. There are few choices left in such sad instances, and I am so sorry.

Sounds like the order that things are happening right now are correct:

He's safe in a psych wing and seeing what meds may help him. After he has consistently good result, then time to find placement for him.

You're doing great! Make sure to take care of yourself first and foremost!

I was told if my step-mother continued her outbursts that she would have to go into a psychiatric home.

We tried some new meds and she has calmed down, so she is still in MC.

I don't know where he may have to go--but why don't you kind of wait and see what medications may help him before you get too worried about this.

It doesn't make sense that a MC facility isn't the first and best course of options--NH's are less capable (in my experience) of caring for people who are agitated and volatile.

Hopefully the pysch unit will be able to help you out with the next step.

The psychiatric unit is his best option for now. Once his anxiety and agitation are under control, placement can be addressed. Most hospitals have either a social service or case management team to help with placing patients after they are stable. Ask to meet with the case manager or social worker to discuss his options for placement.

See if you can establish a connection between your husband’s psychiatrist and the memory care unit where he was previously placed, if you were satisfied with his care while he was there.

By dumb luck, I asked my LO’s memory care administrator to recommend a psychiatrist to see her when she was painfully agitated, and the resulting contacts served her well for the rest of her life.

Please continue to be steadfast in your decision to seek appropriate placement for him and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES consider bringing him “home”.

MC costs are higher than other AL units despite being incapable of providing appropriate care for “difficult” residents. Your story reinforces my poor view of MC units. My very docile sister is in MC in CA where I’m told a dx of dementia requires placement in MC. When she posed a risk of falling, memory care staff were unwilling to provide a higher level of supervision requiring family to hire private staff. I’ve instructed my adult children to avoid MC for me if/when I need care secondary to memory loss. At least where my sister is I see MC as a ripoff.

This exact same thing has happened twice to my husband. The first time he went to a behavioral hospital was for sexual behavior. They gave him meds to curb those tendencies. This last time was for abusive behavior both verbal and aggressive behavior towards other residents. Another 2 an a half weeks with new meds and he was sent back to his MC facility. He’s pretty much just there now with all these meds. He keeps falling and has busted his head open a few times. It’s been a long journey that’s in its eleventh year. He’s been in MC a year an a half of those years. I’m 83 and he’ll be 83 next month. We are both old and tired of this journey. He’s has hospice care now, but they call yesterday and with hospice there to care for him he still fell.

Get direction from the social services and discharge planning services where he is presently hospitalized.
DO NOT, let them return him home as you share your age and his condition, this does not sound safe for either of you. Be clear with the discharge planning that YOU CANNOT TAKE CARE OF HIM and, he must be placed. Be sure that his PCP and others are included in the conversation. You may also want to speak directly with an Elder Law Attorney to help navigate this. Hopefully you have other family who will be supportive for you. Take care of yourself.

I experienced something similar with my father. I know state laws are different everywhere, I'm in Wisconsin and it is illegal to place a person with dementia (incurable disease) to a psychiatric facility. Also illegal to force the person to take medications. APS, my local ADRC, and ombudsman were all extremely helpful getting us the resources needed and educating me. APS helped me obtain guardianship and got him placed on a protective order in a SNF temporarily where they could level out his meds, which helped to calm his agitation and we were able to get him placed in MC. The ombudsman helped to facilitate meetings with the MC facility so we could all get on the same page to make sure dad was happy to be there and the staff was happy to have him. Good luck and don't be afraid to get APS involved to help you.