Grieving.

Keep in mind it hasn't even been 10 days. You're allowed to have all this pain and you should have it. You loved your child.

Later -- not now -- get a grief counselor for all of you, and find a way to make some good come of this. Perhaps start a foundation to raise money for research on her cancer, or volunteer with an existing organization.

Our neighbor's 16-year-old daughter died in her sleep from an epileptic seizure in 2009, and they started a foundation that continues today. They help people get alarms and seizures dogs for families whose kids have epilepsy. Doug and Julie Hutchison do wonderful work, and I know that work kept them from losing their minds with grief.

Here's their website so you can see what good can come from a tragedy —
https://chelseahutchisonfoundation.org


I wish you peace.

I’m so very sorry.
sending ((hugs)) and prayers to all of u from Ga.

So sorry for your loss. As parents, we do not and can not understand why our loved ones are taken away from us. Only God knows the reason why our loved ones are taken from us. Your grief right now is overwhelming, but time will lessen your grief. In order to be able to face the grief and each new day, do not focus on the cancer and why it took her, but focus on the happy times you have had with her before she got sick.

Seek out a grief counselor to help you get through your grief.

Praying that you will find a way to manage your grief.

I utilized hospice grief counseling when my dad died and still do so. Mine went to seminary but we don’t talk religion. It is a free service that hospice provides for a year.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry for your terribly premature loss. I lost my mother in April but she was clearly at the end of life yet loss can still be hard to absorb at times.

I am sorry you are smoking although I certainly cannot find fault with it. I would think it might be suitable to go on an antidepressant although this loss can't be medicated away. Perhaps it might help with some sleep.

I can only hope in time the intensity of the grief might subside. I did attend a grief support group after my father died. His end came much quicker than my mother's and caught me by surprise. I remember thinking at times why was I there as there were others who lost much younger members of their family yet the group meetings did help me. I hope you find some support in time.

Oh, I am so sorry. There's no answers for things like this. Your entire world is spiraling. 

If you are in a church or practice a religion, maybe talk with a minister about how you feel. You're mad at God, maybe even questioning God's existence, and I don't blame you. Even if you can't believe in God right now, it's okay. No loving clergy would turn you away for feeling this way. We've all felt that betrayal at some point, and yours feels the deepest. 

I know a few weeks after a loss, people tend to drift away. The ones bringing food, the ones sitting with you, the offers to run errands, it all recedes eventually. People go back to their usual routine. That's when it gets so unbelievably lonely and hard. But your family cannot do this alone. Take any offers of help. When you are ready, maybe find a support group. I'm sure there's ones online too. Only people who have been down this road know how it truly feels. 

I of course didn't know your precious girl, but I'd wager she was a brave warrior. Strong enough to be her own army! She has my respect. Her beautiful and strong spirit, soul, whatever you wish to call it, will not die. It can't! It's not possible. 

I think sometimes in these situations, the person leaves when they know their loved ones will be okay. I know none of you feel okay. But she knows you will be. She trusts you. She knows your hearts and sees the goodness within. And she would want you all to love each other and make the most of your time on this earth. If you can't live for yourselves right now, live for her. Don't harm yourself by smoking or doing anything self-destructive. Surely she would not want that for you, and would never want to be the cause of your lapsing into that habit.

 Whatever you do, please don't grieve yourself to death, even though part of you wants to.

I am so sorry for your loss. I think what you need now is to find a grief group for your family. Sometimes Churches have them. If you have a minister, he may be trained in grief counselling and can help ur family. Maybe even point you in the right direction.

{Hugs} I'm so sorry.

Sorry for your Loss when My Brother suddenly Passed I was at a Loss and Luckily I was directed to a grief counselor - all I needed was the 3 and a half hour session . I Took a Lot of Naps . When My Mom Passed I was too Busy taking care of other my brother alone . When he Passed I was angry - No One called or sent a card - I got 2 texts and went took care of the cremation . I believe It is really tough . Especially a child . it is Ok to smoke . Grief goes thru many stages . The good thing is My Mother comes back to me In dreams . I believe My first brother went to a better Place and My second brother was ready to leave . There is a Place called Upaya Zen center and I think they have a Grief class tonight - check it Out - really Its a Zoom and People Pop On and discuss different topics But a Lot is focused on the caregiver and dying Process . Joan Halifax runs Upaya a Buddhist center - You can register for free and donation . Focus On the your 2 Boys and comfort them and your wife . Go take a vacation even a short one . Eventually you will feel better May take sometime but eventually you will .

I participated recently in a group support program called “The Grief Recovery Program”.

I was amazed at how helpful it was, especially since I didn’t think ANYTHING could help before I started.

They have a website online that may be of some help even now, but there will be access to people who will tell you how to find a meeting when you are ready.

I pray every day for ‘those who suffer”, and you and your family will be included.

May the brightness of your memories lighten the sorrow of your loss.

My heart hurts to read your post. I know the grief of losing a child, as I lost my young adult son. You are in the very beginning stages of this unique kind of grief -- be very gentle with yourself. Sometimes you just have to get through it minute by minute or even second by second.

I lost my son more than 12 years ago. I have changed so much in that time.

I would think the most difficult grief is the loss of a child. It is not supposed to happen that way.
I can tell you all the "stuff" that others say that are supposed to comfort, she is out of pain, she is in a better place, now she is not suffering and on and on. All that means nothing and it does not help.
Time will help but you will always have a pain that no one else can relate to.
If your daughter was on Hospice please take advantage of the Bereavement Support that they provide.
Please talk to your doctor, your grief will effect your health. If you have not thought about counseling please consider it. There are Support Groups specific for parents that have had a child die.
Please take care of yourself, take care of your wife and other children. They are hurting as much as you are, hug them, hold them, love them.

Your sweet girl just made the transition; of course you're mourning and in deep pain. Just try to take one minute at a time. There is not a lot any one can say that will diminish your feelings of loss right now. And you're right, no child deserves what happened to her. Cancer is an insidious thing, taking healthy cells and turning them into something sinister. While you grieve, ask yourself, would your sweet girl want to see her family in such pain? You know she wouldn't. Take your time and be patient with yourself and your family as you work through this hard time. Try to recall a good time you had with her and try not to let your sadness at her loss diminish the joy you may still have with your wife and sons. May her memory be a blessing, may she rest in peace, and may you find comfort in those living with you.

Oh my goodness - I don't know your pain but I believe she loved you and you loved her! I also believe that God took her because she was in so much pain and the doctors just do not have the knowledge to heal that kind of pain. I believe she is in no more pain and she can love you fully! The pain of loss will never go away, it will lessen but know you will see her again and hug her again! That love you have for your girl share it with those boys! Also, know that you have friends here! <3 cyber hugs to you and your family!

Oh, Moua84, I am so very sorry to hear of your terrible loss. Just a baby still really at 17. This is heartbreaking.

Thinking of you and your family as you grieve the loss of your beloved daughter.

I’m so very sorry that you lost your daughter. When tragic things happen in our lives we begin to question everything.

We lose all hope and we can’t seem to find any purposeful meaning in our lives.

Your life does serve a purpose though. You have a wife and two sons who need you.

Take the time needed to grieve. You and your family need to grieve for your horrific loss.

Don’t be concerned about smoking at this point in time. For what it’s worth, you get a free pass regarding smoking. There will be time later on to stop smoking.

Wishing you peace as you navigate through this difficult time. The truth is that it will always hurt to lose your little girl. There won’t be a day that goes by where you won’t think of her.

One day, the pain will become tolerable. Maybe, you will smile at a special cherished memory. Right now the pain is so raw and fresh.

There are in person grief support groups where you can be with others who have lost their family members, spouses and friends. Look up GriefShare in your area.

griefshare.org