I need help, finding out where I can take my mother-in-law for some type of mental health help or rehab?

My heart goes out to you. This lady is not your mother, so why are you taking full responsibility for her? Your husband needs to do something about this stressful situation that you have with HIS mother, so you need to give your husband an ultimatum that if he doesn’t then you are walking out the door and never coming back. DO NOT let this woman break you as it sounds clearly that you are at the breaking point. It’s time for you to take your life and your sanity back.

Good luck.

Get her placed. TODAY. You have a walking toxic health hazard with a very sick husband who needs you. Ten years is LONG ENOUGH.

Cleaning up her crap 12 hours is the deal breaker. O-U-T!!!!
Call 911, have her taken to hospital and tell them you WILL NOT have her back, she is an "unsafe discharge" and you have a seriously ill husband. You don't care where she goes, you cannot take care of her anymore (incontinance, dementia, you name it) just do not pick her up or take her back in your home!

Good luck!

Parkinson's Disease & Stroke jumped out at me from the profile.
Both neurological conditions, both causing brain changes (damage).

I think MIL is in the hospital now?

I really hope you can get a throrough medical picture of her situation. Then with her medical team & Social Worker input, hopefully a plan for her ongoing care.

You may have just arrived at the depot.. where your time as a passenger ends & you can now drive the bus.

Her ' "fainting" spell in the bathroom again' is probably a vagus nerve reaction, which is common and not life-threatening except if she falls off the seat and injures herself during an episode. My MIL had this problem quite often in her facility.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/vasovagal-syncope/symptoms-causes/syc-20350527

"She needs to go somewhere for a few days and see how good she's got it"

No, she needs to be permanently placed. Can't tell if this is cognitive decline, mental illness or both, but she's not going to "shape up".

Get her to the hospital in the shape she's in next time to they can see the self neglect.

I would also call APS if she ends up back at your place. She is a danger to herself; you also forestall her accusing you of neglect IF YOU call first.

Um, re: takingher to the Dr--

DON'T clean her up. Let her go in the state she's normally in. That should signal to the Dr the mental status w/o having to say a word.

Look into placing her. You've done all you can and now it's just going to get harder and harder and worse and worse.

You've basically given up your LIFE for her. You've given up financial stability for her. Personally, I think she's pretty much used up all the love you may have had for her.

She will likely thrive much better with care in a NH. You are going to kill yourself trying to make her life 'perfect'. My SIL is currently doing the lion's share of CG for my MIL. SIL popped by last night to get some documents signed and I looked at her and tho she's a year younger than I am--she looks 75+.(She's 66) Exhausted, gray stringy hair, no makeup--she has no time for herself and she actually said "I'm sorry for how bad I look--I've got no time to care for me. Mom is slowly killing me."

Dh should have said " it's time to put mom in a home") but said "I should take more shifts and help YS out".

He won't DO anything, and that's his perogative. But it breaks my heart to see my selfish, entitled MIL ruining the lives and marriages of all 3 of her kids. Not one of them is in great health, and MIL, while supposedly actively 'dying' is having every need and want met and met immediately. I fully expect my DH to have another heart attack--or his OB have one, before this mess ends.

Dh has learned the hard way how NOT to be. Given a do-over, MIL would have gone straight from rehab after her last fall to an ALF. They made the HUGE mistake of letting her go home. She allows only her kids in the house and lets the Hospice care workers in, but hates them all.

Thank you all so much for your answers. It seems like the first thing to do is to take her to see a DR. Should I take her to the hospital again? Her regular DR. can't see her until her regular appointment next week. She hasn't showered in a week, refuses to. So, I guess I will have to wash her off in the bed, dress her the best I can and try to get her in the wheelchair. I can't lift her anymore and she knows this every time I have to pull and tug on her I feel like I'm killing myself. I have very severe Endo. and I will have to spend the next 2 days in the bathroom. The woman is healthier than I am. I rented the wheelchair from the med supply co. so she could attend my son's graduation from UT (go Vols), then thought it's affordable enough and could help maybe if the situation arouses. Well, I used it last week bringing her in from the car last week after wasting everyone's time at the ER. Big mistake! Now she can't walk either. Our little house is not very wheelchair accessible so, I don't know if it's any better and she can't use it by herself. She needs to go somewhere for a few days and see how good she's got it. She hasn't always been this bad. She had a stroke in 2013 then her husband had a stroke 6 months later. She was in rehab for 3 months and came home. He on the other hand was in and out of the hospital then nursing home back and forth until sadly he passed in 2015. During this time, she also lost her oldest son so, my husband and I were in a good enough position to move into her house (only one mortgage and she could be at home), I quit work so, we didn't have to pay for daily care for her. She was pleasant for the first few years, behaved as normally as you would expect. I thought she would grieve and then learn how to live again; I have given all I had. We sold everything we had to pay for her husband's final care expenses and all her rehabs, just her monthly bills alone were more than her income, so we really thought that we were doing the right thing. This lady is my husband's momma, she helped a lot when our children were little, and we both were working. In my crazy mind somehow, this was going to help me heal. I lost both of my parents before I was 30. They both passed very suddenly. I really thought she would be okay after some time but, the last 3 years have been he#%. No one outside of this house has helped not one day. Could she have dementia? Altamars? She's always been a little narcissistic and selfish. But she is an emotional vampire now a lazy, helpless attention hound. I am drained.

Call 911 and tell them she is non responsive. Get her to the hospital via ambulance and then refuse to take her home as it’s n unsafe discharge.

Seems your MIL may have a mental illness. She wants attention she is not getting. I would tell her you are calling the Adult Protection Agency because you cannot care for two people. Maybe they can find a place for her till her son is better. Hopefully, that will straighten her up. If not, I would call them. Tell them you can't care for both. She needs to be placed even temporarily.

If APS can make this happen have MIL evaluated while in the facility for 24/7 care. Then you have a nice talk with DH that she is not coming back. If it is found what she is doing is on purpose, this means there is a mental component at work. She does not come back to ur house.

How old is MIL? What type of health problems did she have 10 yrs ago? I know this is hindsight but u never cater to these types of personalities. First, your husband should have been involved. Like when he comes home, Mom was his for the night. If she was perfectly able to do certain things for herself, then she did them. Living with you did not mean you were her slave. It meant that she needed to fit into your routine.

She Needs to go - next time she is admitted to the ER let them care for her and Place her in assisted Living . Talk to a case manager and social worker - Just say " I Can Not take care of her any More " Cleaning up Poop everywhere is Not fun and your husband should Not expect you to do that . Sounds Like a Nightmare .

You need to have a major talk with your husband! Next time MIL goes to the hospital refuse to bring her home. Need to get her into an Assisted Living facility so she can do for herself what she can and then they can assist her with other things, and most important when you visit her then you can visit and not have to be a work horse. Blessings