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SheisKillingme Asked August 2023

Thanks to everyone that helped me earlier today. I can't find our discussion now. MIL is at the hospital now.

DH & I were able to get to the hospital by forcing her to clean up. She had been on a personal hygiene strike for about a week now & we couldn't take it anymore. MIL started screaming that we were killing her by bathing her. DH helped me get her into her shower stool. The stool is about 18 " off the floor so when she felt like she was done cleaning she ever so gently slipped off the stool onto the shower floor for her "fainting spell" and that was my chance. I cannot lift her anymore. She outweighs me by 20 plus #s, DH has 5 broken ribs so, I refused to let him even try and I called the rescue squad. She didn't want to go to the ER but I suggested that maybe her uncooperative behavior was a sign that she had hit her head (she did not) but, luckily one of the EMTs wanted to go by the book and said they needed to take her and have a DR. look at her! DH knows I am all but done so, he went to the hospital & was able to convince them to keep her overnight and, we are going to try to get her evaluated tomorrow. I would love to see her go to rehab for a week or so. That is my selfish prayer for tonight. I've been cleaning her room this evening, scrubbing and flipping the mattress, scrubbing the floor and disinfecting everything. Does anyone know of a good resource to find free answers about her Medicare, Humana and short-term care insurance? It's so hard to read all the member books and understand any of it let alone find the answers I need.? Thanks again for your all's help and letting me vent and know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I had no idea there was a whole community of people that were burnt out, used up and didn't recognize themselves anymore. I'm finally not alone anymore.

BurntCaregiver Aug 2023
While she's at the hospital refuse to allow her back into your home. Ask for a 'Social Admit' and tell them that you and your husband are not able to safely care for her anymore.

They will send a social worker to talk to you. This person will make all kinds of promises about infinite homecare services that will come to your house and endless resources if you allown your MIL to go back to your home.

It's one great big lie. If she's lucky they will send a bath aide once or twice a week that insurance will cover.

The hospital will keep her admitted until a bed becomes available in a LTC facility. You will not have to take care of getting her on Medicaid or anything else. The facility the hospital puts her in will do the application.

Good luck and stay strong. Don't let her come back.


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AlvaDeer Aug 2023
Call SS in on this at once. With Social Services there say that you are disabled by her and cannot take her home at this time or at any time soon and she requires placement, at least temporarily. Go from there. Do not take her back home with you or allow them to send her there.
BurntCaregiver Aug 2023
DO NOT take her back home is right, Alva. The hospital will find placement for her and will kepp her admitted until they do.
Fawnby Aug 2023
Wahoo! I’m happy for you. The hospital will help you figure out programs and care you need. Don’t do all the cleaning at home by yourself. Hire a professional company as a treat. Then congratulate yourself for a job well done.

JoAnn29 Aug 2023
This is how you get her care outside ur home. Like said, you refuse to take her home. Have a list of answers why. She needs to be evaluated for 24/7 care in a Long-term care facility. If no money, then Medicaid is applied for.
If she is in the hospital long enough for Rehab Medicare pays 100% the first 20 days, 21 to 100 50%. None of these days are guaranteed. Medicare can have her discharged at anytime. Supplementals may pick up the 50% they may not. For my Mom they didn't. So I told the finance office they better do what they needed to in that 20 days because there was no money after that. She was out in 18.

CTTN55 Aug 2023
Excellent responses below.

This is where the rubber meets the road. Will you stand strong and refuse to allow her to return to your home? WILL YOUR H REFUSE, ALSO???????

Keep us updated.

BarbBrooklyn Aug 2023
UNSAFE DISCHARGE.

SHE CANNOT COME BACK TO OUR HOME. WE CAN NO LONGER CARE FOR HER.

WE WANT A SOCIAL ADMIT.

Sorry to yell. That is what you need to say.

If they "threaten" psych until, ward of the state, say "yes, please".

Don't let them snow you.
BurntCaregiver Aug 2023
Amen to that, BarbBrooklyn.
BlueEyedGirl94 Aug 2023
Ok repeat after me.

UNSAFE DISCHARGE!! UNSAFE DISCHARGE! And if you want her to go to rehab make sure you know the requirements for her transfer. I believe that she has to stay in the hospital 3 full days (3 midnights) in order to qualify. Don't let them talk you into taking her home before that. Tell them that she is an unsafe discharge and you cannot take her home and that you need a social worker.

If you are concerned about mental health, tell you them you want a psych consult while you are there. Tell the charge nurse and the social worker what is going on. Do whatever you have to in order to keep her there and do not under any circumstances agree to take her home - they will help you but you cannot make it easy for them to "not" help you.

Be careful because they will promise you lots of services at home if you take her home. That's not what you want. You want them to send her to rehab at the very least to give you time to figure out your next steps.

From your earlier post she has the following:

1. Mental health issues
2. Bowel Incontinence and lack of awareness of proper toileting
3. Fainting spells
4. Multiple falls
5. Loss of hygiene

Add to that the fact that her caregivers can no longer provide the physical caregiving that she needs. You are going to have to stand your ground and tell them that you can no longer provide her care and tell them that she needs assessment and placement.

But use those exact words - UNSAFE DISCHARGE and do it with anyone that even mentions taking her home.
BurntCaregiver Aug 2023
Always remember the words:

UNSAFE DISCHARGE

SOCIAL ADMIT
Lvnsm72 Aug 2023
Remember to tell them that you can't take care of her. She needs rehab and assisted living.

Take care of yourself, all the best

Sendhelp Aug 2023
Your first post:

"I need help, finding out where I can take my mother-in-law for some type of mental health help or rehab?"

Click on your own avatar and screen name.
Click on "following".
Click on the question.

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