How do I go about getting paid to be my husbands caregiver through the state?

KatieLee7210: Check with the social worker at your town's Council on Aging.

If it’s not feasible to get paid with the model you explained, I’d ask about setting up a home care LLC (it’s got a little paperwork but very doable) and possibly include an Airbnb model for his room. Then have your ex or his family hire your company (you are both the CEO and caregiver and landlord). May not make sense but it might…

Don't ruin your life taking care of your separated spouse just because you feel bad for whatever unfortunate circumstances made him bed bound. You will get paid a measly amount for taking care of him full time and it won't be enough to cover your bills and living expenses. Find a facility to place him in.

Me, I would place him in care. If ur still married, see an Elder Lawyer about splitting assets you have together. I so hope the house is in your name and has been for over 5 years. Once you get assets split, husband gets place and he spends down his split then applies for Medicaid. Once on Medicaid, you remain in the home, get one car and enough or all of your monthly income of Social Security and any pension to live on. You will not be made impoverished. I have given u the basics, an EL will go into more detail.

Is he a Veteran? If so check with the Veterans Assistance Commission and they can help with the paperwork to find out if he is eligible for any benefits from the VA. The VA is now paying spouses to care for the Veteran.

I also suggest that you contact a Hospice of your choice and let them determine if he is eligible. You will get the supplies you need. All the equipment that you need as well as a Nurse will come at least 1 time a week to check on him and a CNA will come 2 to 3 times a week to give him a bath or shower and order supplies.

With Hospice you can request a Volunteer that will come in and either sit with him or they will often do light housecleaning or run errands for you. They can not do "hands on care" so their time is limited to about 3 to 4 hours.
And one of the benefits of Hospice is Respite is covered by Medicare or Medicaid and that is about 1 week (a little less than a week) but it will give you a break.

Here's a helpful article from this website's home page:

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-get-paid-for-being-a-caregiver-135476.htm

If you do get paid by the state (through an Elder Waiver program that your husband applies for) it won't be for full time and it will be minimum wage most likely. Talk to social workers for your county. He may qualify for some in-home services, like light housekeeping, food prep and hygiene help.

You need to consider that at some point his care will completely overwhelm you (and it sounds like you're on your way there right now). Things like, his incontinence, mobility, turning him in bed, medical issues, etc. Please consider that he sounds like he'd qualify for LTC and therefore possibly Medicaid. If so, he can be transitioned into a facility near you. There he'd get all the medical help he needs and you won't be drained. Many a person starts out caregiving with good intentions but ends up burnt out (and sometimes even broke and bitter).

If you're going to be his caregiver he should assign you as his Medical and Financial PoA so that you can legally help him manage his affairs and medical care. He should create a Advance Healthcare Directive (so that he makes his EOL medical care known and you don't have to make those decisions for him), and a Last Will & Testament.

You wrote that, "Taking care of him takes up my whole life. I’m hoping I could even find respit care for him when I need a break." It will only get more so and you will need more than just a break -- you need to still have your own life right now, not later.