How do I get my stepmother with dementia to quit drinking wine. She starts at 7:00 am and doesn't stop.

She’s a long time alcoholic. I am sure that you know that she can’t quit drinking cold turkey. In fact, she won’t choose to quit drinking. Of course, dementia has complicated this sad situation further.

I am very sorry that you are going through this. My brother was an addict. He died with liver issues.

It’s difficult to watch someone destroy their life. I would join Al-Anon. It does help to speak with others who are in your situation.

Wishing you peace as you continue on I’m your caregiver journey

Momma still drinks her wine but I am not going to be the one to tell her she can't have it. She has always been a wine drinker. At the age of 89 if that is what she wants to do then that is up to her and no it is probably not a good idea to drink when you are on a list of medications. What do you do at this point?

I am sorry for your experience. Sadly if your stepmother doesn't want to quit drinking she never will. I grew up with both my parents as alcoholics and they have drank my entire life. It wasn't until my mother was diagnosed with cancer and she came to live with me that she stopped drinking completely. This is an extremely difficult thing to witness and go through.

Have you tried an Al-Anon group before? (For family members of people with alcohol dependance). Maybe look into it? See if this there is a group in your area.

I've read many posts where people report positive experiences from such a support group.

She is an addict. She is an addict. She is an addict.

That’s the problem. Unless she chooses to change, she won’t.

We tried to get mom to switch to non-alcoholic beer and wine with varying success. We ourselves quit drinking alcohol and suggested it to her as well. There isn’t much you can do about it. Maybe explain to her that her brain will never get better if she keeps killing brain cells.

Well, she has already outlived Jimmy Buffett by one year…I vote to leave her alone, and let things play out as Fate will have it. The delivery service sounds like an excellent idea.

laurie, be sensible. your mil is a lost cause. The one thing she can remember is to drink.
I hate to see such a sensible writer and thoughtful person go unchecked here.
Why cant she use a grocery delivery service? Is she on her last shekels?
dont they deliver booze???

Thank you!

Right now, she remains adamant about remaining in her home. I can't even get her to look at options, even to renovate the home in the event more supports are needed. I can force the renovation, but she won't leave the house- except to go the liquor store.

Retired & wrecked your own working future & income options? Why?

Your MIL has decided her fate, sadly.

You profile says that you ‘retired to help take care of my stepmother with dementia’, and that she is 77 years old, living at home with alzheimers/dementia, broken hip and depression’.

Comments:
- Unless your father remarried someone much younger, you would be in your 40s. Retiring at this age is quite dangerous for you in terms of your own future finances.
- She can ‘walk four blocks to the liquor store’ doesn’t sound compatible with ‘broken hip’ plus the other problems.
- If she starts drinking at 7am and doesn’t stop, surely she is an alcoholic? Surely she is incapable of walking anywhere by mid-afternoon?
- Interesting that her being an alcoholic isn’t on your list of her health issues.
- You give no information about who lives where and with whom, or what type of care Suzanne actually needs.

To me, this doesn’t all add up.

Hi Laurie - there are many types of non-alcoholic drinks that resemble the real thing...wine, beer, rum, etc. Even the bottles look the same. There are different types that are sold on Amazon....they even have mixed drinks.

Is there a chance you can get it for her and tell her it's liquor?

she sounds like she might have been pretty cool in like 1965. I knew a woman whose Mom used to ride one of those sidewalk scooters down 18th street in the castro when she was well into her 70s
steep hill, tiny woman, her Daughter couldn't get her to quit it...
I have no idea how it worked out, my colleague and I haven't stayed in touch
Her Mom would go down there to shop and walk the scooter home with her bag on it
the moral of the story?:
I'm not sure how much worse it is leaving an alchy to their fate than it is to not somehow prevent the mom from killing herself coming down market st on a scooter at 75 years old...these may be equal

I would say she has already damaged her liver. With Dementia, her life expectancy is 5 to 7 years. If she had liver damage/cirrhosis, she may pass even earlier. Me, you are not going to change her habit. Talk to her doctor and see what he says.

She has dementia, but she is leaving ALONE to go for wine?
Is she safe to do so?
Does she live with you?
Are you her POA?

Is she competent or is the POA in effect, and do you consider at all that placement for her own safety may be needed.

I would discuss, if you are POA, with MD as a sudden cessation of drinking may cause reaction; she may require medication if there is abrupt withdrawal of alcohol at this point.
Wishing you good luck.