There's a highly rated memory care facility that doesn't accept patients against their will. What are my options?

Question

L

LaurieBoo Asked September 2023

There's a highly rated memory care facility that doesn't accept patients against their will. What are my options?

My stepmother is living alone at home. We have health care aides coming in regularly because I live 3 hours away. Recently we've had some problems with inconsistency. Yes, they will send a substitute, but often at different hours. Several times this has interfered with Dr's appts. She is adamant about staying at home.

Assisted Living Elder Law Long-distance Caregiving Refusing Care

5 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First

Recent Questions

Related Questions

score 2 · Answer 1

OP says “The home health care aides are paid from her estate.”

A person doesn’t have an estate until they’re dead.

Helpful Answer (2)

semantics- her account

(2)

score 3 · Answer 2

Talk to the admins at the facility to discuss strategies to get her to go. First, if she has a tendancy towards agitation/anxiety I would discuss meds to address that with her doctor.

Then, you figure out a "therapeutic fib" to motivate her to go: "The house has a gas leak and you need to go to temporary housing until it's fixed"; "the house has an infestation / black mold / a dangerous structural problem" anything you think will get her into the car for the ride. The staff at facilities have seen it all and will help you get her in by playing along. It would be best to try to get some of her furnishings there in advance so that there is some familiarity in place.

If the facility you refer to won't do this, then find another facility. They are being unreasonable and unrealistic. I wish you success in this transition!

Helpful Answer (3)

Thank you!

(1)

score 1 · Answer 3

Why did you retire to take care of your stepmother who lives alone 3 hours away?

This makes no sense.

Who's paying for the health care aides that you hire? Her, I hope.

Helpful Answer (1)

The home health care aides are paid from her estate. But there were things that needed to be taken care of during the working day - calls from drs, therapists, and sometimes her (she can't keep track of time). I was a teacher, and didn't have the luxury of taking these calls, so it was stressful not knowing what the messages were- like the day she turned on the gas with pliers (we had taken the knobs) but couldn't figure out how to light it so she just walked away from it (we've since disconnected the gas line completely). Another day she fell, had a big gash in her head but wouldn't go the the ER. Both of these incidents were reported by the aide. She cannot follow up on routine tasks- call an exterminator because mice chewed through her heating lines, pay bill appropriately (let home insurance lapse and currently has a $530 credit on EZ Pass because she just kept paying them when she doesn't drive), A lot of this build up over time, COVID intensified things. By the time we figured out how bad things really were (she used to cancel visits because she wasn't feeling well), it was a mess- a very stressful mess.

(0)

score 3 · Answer 4

A memory care facility that does not accept residents against their will would not stay open for very long.

I was a caregiver for 25 years and can't event tell you how many of my clients had to be put into memory care.
I can tell you that not a single one went willingly.

Unless you can get her a live-in caregiver or two (one does the week days the other weekends so everyone gets time off) the only other safe option is facility placement.
Unless she's going to be moved in with family or family is moving in with her.

Of course she's going to be adamant about staying in her own home. Who isn't going to be when there's discussion of going into a "home"?

If one memory care won't accept her, find a different one.

Helpful Answer (3)

Agree Burnt.

My mind is boggling.. how many people that need memory care, know or remember they have memory problems, know they have lost independance, accept it & willingly leave their own home?

1%?

(3)

score 0 · Answer 5

If she has not been judge incompetent then she will likely be sticking to her guns on this one. Yes, this is a problem when someone doesn't show up and the elder is in need of 24/7 care. Memory care that doesn't accept people against their will? I have almost never heard of a Memory Care in which people were docile and agreeable enough to be there, but I guess it must happen. I think you will have to do what you will have to do. If your Mom isn't competent in her own decisions, who is her POA?

Helpful Answer (0)

I am both her POA and Legal Guardian. That gives me some leverage, but I have heard that it's not good to place a Dementia patient against their will, which is why I didn't question it when the facility said they wouldn't take her. I have a tour on Tuesday- I'll confirm that, and then maybe need to look for another place. Maybe the reason that particular facility has such a great reputation is because they hand pick their residents?

(0)

There's a highly rated memory care facility that doesn't accept patients against their will. What are my options?

5 Answers

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions

Ask a Question