It’s not uncommon for parents to play siblings against each other.
Sometimes, parents are quite convincing and they are able to cause problems, other times the children are able to remain independent and not buy into it.
In my case, my mother’s pot stirring created issues for my brothers and I. Fortunately, we were able to work through it. We actually have a very good relationship now.
I don’t even think that my mom did most of the things that she did intentionally. She was frustrated with her situation and people generally end up hurting the people that are closest to them. I know that deep down she loved us all.
You may very well have a vindictive mother. I would try to speak to your siblings without your mom’s involvement.
If you don’t feel like your conflicts can be settled, then go your separate ways. It’s not worth ruining your life over.
We read every day here about sibling rivalries in which parents either manipulate or maneuver or are victims of their own children at war. It is either working for them or not working for them, and a sad part of family dynamics that we see play out both with aging care, and with inheritance. It's all very sad.
I have a situation with my sister turning my other sister against my mother while we were staying with her for my mom to get medical treatments. It made a healthy, workable situation into a nightmare. My sister ended up making us leave and I had to find a place in a state I had no familiarity with for me and my handicap mother to stay. It was a very stressful, weighing time. Are you looking for advice or just wanting some support for what you are going through?
It sounds like a tricky situation all round. You think it was a ‘healthy, workable’ arrangement for you and your mother to stay with your sister during mother’s medical treatments. Your profile says that mother is 65, with ‘cancer, depression, incontinence, lung disease and mobility problems’. There are probably reasons why not everyone found it straightforward.
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Sometimes, parents are quite convincing and they are able to cause problems, other times the children are able to remain independent and not buy into it.
In my case, my mother’s pot stirring created issues for my brothers and I. Fortunately, we were able to work through it. We actually have a very good relationship now.
I don’t even think that my mom did most of the things that she did intentionally. She was frustrated with her situation and people generally end up hurting the people that are closest to them. I know that deep down she loved us all.
You may very well have a vindictive mother. I would try to speak to your siblings without your mom’s involvement.
If you don’t feel like your conflicts can be settled, then go your separate ways. It’s not worth ruining your life over.
Best wishes to you and your family.
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Are you looking for advice or just wanting some support for what you are going through?