My dad who is still able to drive and still makes gets ss every month has sold his house and made a profit of 113k. My sister said for a year now before moving him in that she would use the profit from his house to build on a suite for him. He moved in and told me if he didn't give her the money she was going to kick him out. So he finally gave her the money and is no longer building on space for him. My poor dad, without the renovations is in an office with glass doors and shares a bathroom with 3 teenagers. When I questioned my dad about why now does she need 110k when he's living in a closet with no privacy my sisters husband was listening in and told my sister and she told me she never wants to speak to me again. I'll stop there but there is more.
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Unfortunately, your dad is going to be in the same situation. He made the decision and now has to live with it. Dad had many choices as did my mother and this is where they landed. I'm sorry. But I would not rescue Dad like I did my mother. You will end up regretting it.
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If Dad is competent he can ask for his money back. The agreement was a suite would be added on, sister is not going thru with it. She needs to give back his money. He needs to then move out. This situation is not a good one. If she refuses to give the money back, she needs to give him a reason why. If he ever needs Medicaid this will be looked at as gifting. He may need a kawyer to straighten this all out.
The OP says there is more to this story and I'm sure there is.
What could be going on is the very common practice of an elder making all kinds of promises of money and "helping out" if they can move in with their adult child.
Then once they're moved in they renege on the money and the helping.
They never had any intention of paying. That's when the entitled senior behavior kicks in. Where the adult children should be taking care of them for free because they owe them.
My friend's mother pulled this. She wasn't a big part of her life because her grandmother actually brought her up.
Narcissist mom was too busy enjoying life with a different boyfriend every week to pay her kid much attention.
Until her last boyfriend who was so emasculated and beat down by her that he catered to her every demand, passed away. She was getting older and needy. She was also entitled, demanding, and spoiled because she'd always been catered to her entire life by everyone in it.
So she made a deal with her daughter to move in.
She had money because the boyfriend had bought her a house and it was paid for.
The plan was that she'd sell her home then move in. Not only was she willing to give my friend a lump sum of money to help pay for her house, but she also agreed to take care of her grandkids for free to "help out" because my friend worked full-time.
She watched the kids for about a week one summer, then they had to be put into daycare because she was tired of it.
She squatted in my friend's house for almost three years. Never paid a cent or lifted a finger to help. Never washed a dish or cooked a meal. Never even chipped in for the grocery bill.
She refused to leave claiming that they could be arrested for kicking out a sick elderly person. She had some arthritis (I have more) and took medication for her anxiety.
My friend and her husband had to legally evict her mother from their house.
This was her plan all along. She had no intention of ever paying anything or helping out.
Her plan was get moved in and she will be taken care of.
I'm not saying that this is what the OP's father had planned, but it's not unusual for a senior with adult kids to work this scam to get a free place to live and taken care of.
Why did you and your father not arrange to pay the contractor who was going to do the renovations directly instead of paying it to your sister?
Some of the responsibility for this financial mess belongs to you for not acting when your father told you before he paid her that she was going to kick him out if he didn't pay.
I'm going to assume that your father is still in charge of his own decisions (financial and medical) if he was able to sell his house on his own and move to your sister's place.
So, it's not elder abuse if he gave over the money willingly on his own and there's no diagnosis of dementia or any other reason that would make him mentally incompetent.
Based on what you've told us here, your sister is doing exactly what she said for a year that if your father is going to be living with her then he has to come up with the money she wants for that.
Just because the renovations haven't started on the house yet, does not mean that your sister has no intention of doing them.
Unfortunately there's really no way to find out for sure unless you talk to her.
Everyone needs to have a sit down here and find out whats going on.
The money is already in your sister's account. Unless there's a contract stating that she'd be building an extension onto her house for your father to live in, she doesn't have to do it. You can't prove that she coerced or bullied him either.
All of you have to have a serious discussion and talk about some things.
Either your sister starts the renovating or she gives the money back and you help your father find a different living situation.
If she refuses to renovate or give the money back, talk to your state's Ombudsman's Office (if there is one) and explain what happened.
They will direct you on what steps come next as far as a possible lawsuit suing her for a return of the money or even criminal charges of fraud or elder abuse.
I’d suggest that you help your dad find a place to live independently as an interim solution and find an elder law atty to do new legal for him. The atty will do the letters on the behalf of his client and the POA to your Sister to seek details on the 110K. & would do the same on any other questionable items. Don’t try to DIY this, it’s too adversarial. DD has SSA income, he has this $ to use to pay for an attorney.
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As far as amount of rent, Ask your dad exactly what his monthly Social security income is after whatever premium paid to Medicare is taken out. Then find him a simple efficiency apt to live in for short term rental that fit his budget. & you help him move in, maybe short term rental. If his fund are limited, you get him placed on whatever low income housing lists in his city & hopefully a spot open up within 30- 90 days. Or there’s community based housing he can go into that is rent based on resources.
You said you dad still drives, so he has a car, correct?. Then he can drive himself out of this daughters home and over to the new place. This keeps it all neutral.
AND please pls realize, that for this to go anywhere your dad has to - HAS TO - be willing to file charges against his daughter for theft, for taking advantage of him. She can say that he of his own free will gave or gifted him the money or gifted it to her and each of her kids (to reduce the amount of the gifts). Then he’d have to file against each of them….. grandpa not doing that. It’s really hard to get the elders to be willing to file charges, to meet with the police, give statements to detectives, go to court to do this. They won’t and so nothing happens. APS makes a visit and find that actually dads living situation was technically ok, or was actually more than fine as he had meals, clean clothing, taken for health care, had his medications and socialization, taken to church, etc. If dad has dementia, his retelling of the situation may not be accurate. To me, the “living in a closet…. glass doors”, sounds odd. Just sayin’. Moving from a quiet home living alone to one with 3 teenagers is a huge seismic change; if he has early dementia issues, change is really hard to process. Or his expectations of what this daughter was flat supposed to do for him hasn’t been met. That’s why I think his living independently for a short period of time - 3 months or so - would be good so you have a more accurate understanding on what his capabilities are. Plus gives time to perhaps get that $ back so he has $ for his own Independent Living or Assisted Living. Or Sissy is just evil.
Its still TBD.
Whatever the case, He will need the $ and will need a detailed accounting as to where all his Act of Sale $ went to because if $110,000 is considered all the resources he has as assets, he does not have they type of financial resources to private pay for long term care in a NH. He will be eventually filing for LTC Medicaid and that 110K will be considered “gifting” by him to her unless she repays it or it has a police report or it was spent on something allowed by LTC Medicaid. ((Sissy using it to do renovations on her home is not an allowed use of his funds)). An experienced atty familiar with Medicaid in your Dads state will be invaluable in guiding both you and dad on this eventuality. It would be the same atty who does all his fresh legal, eg the POA. Good luck in all this.
It's not theft if the father willingly wrote a check out to his daughter.
He still drives. He's still independent and managing his own affairs.
He can give or spend his money any way he wants to.
Proving this is theft is next to impossible considering he's not been declared incompetent and they have no written contract with an exact date of when these 'renovations' to thee sister's home are supposed to start.
Contact the Elder Abuse Hotline in your State. (or the state where your father resides.)
If your dad can leave the house take him to an Elder Care Attorney and they will also file a report. (they are mandated reporters of abuse and their report may get acted upon quickly)
I say "if" because in some cases like this the financial abuse goes beyond that to the possibility of physical abuse or the act of keeping someone housebound (read that as a "captive / prisoner" ) or the fact that she may not allow you access to him, or into the house to visit or come get him.
You and your father should see an elder law attorney AT OONCE with all evidence of financial transactions involving the sister. Sadly, he may be unable to do something, because there can of course be no PROOF of bullying, and gifting is often done by elders despite the fact it is poor decision making.