Is this the right response?

Lisa,, you have been told many times "
Could that be the right response or would the right one be something like "I think you need to go see a professional councilor. They probably can help you. I am always available if you need someone to speak with""
You seem to not get this, and I can;t see where you have any caregiving responsibilities at this point. Your father is being taking care of . please get on with your life

Your brother, or whomever you speak of, has no empathy for you, or the hypothetical person involved.

Move on from trying to find empathy in that corner of the garden.

When I was in high school one of my favorite albums was Tea for the Tillerman, Cat Stevens.

There is a song called, ‘Sad Lisa’ on it. Every time I see one of your posts. I think of that song.

Just like Lisa in the song you are lost in the dark.

Here we go again, right on schedule. This has nothing to do with aging care.

Surely there are other sites that you can post your hypothesis on.

I think the very best thing that you can do at this point is to do exactly as they suggested which is to ‘get over’ it.

Why do you torture yourself like this? Unless you are a glutton for punishment, then move on. How many bricks have to fall on your head before you take the hint?

Find something happy to do and for once try to enjoy life. Life is too short to waste it. You’re missing out on precious moments and building beautiful memories.

I have a sign in my kitchen that says ‘No Whining.’ Do you know why I placed this sign in my kitchen? Because my wonderful therapist said to me one day, “Has anything ever changed due to whining about it?”

For a split second I was taken aback by his statement. Then I thought, I knew there was a good reason why I have stayed with him. He is a no nonsense guy who speaks plain English instead of ridiculous woo woo stuff!

So, stop whining and start living your life in productive ways. If you were in my kitchen I would point to my ‘NO WHINING’ sign!

Good luck to you. I wish you well.

Tell this person that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. This person keeps going back to the same family member who has no time or interest in them, expecting this family member to suddenly develop a genuine interest when the likelihood of that happening is slim to none and slim just left town. Unless this person enjoys continuously pointing out that the Family Member Is Wrong and They Are Right, which serves no useful purpose, advise this person to seek advice from someone who actually cares. In the meantime, this person has probably been advised 1000x already to seek counselling, keep in mind, so the issues fall on deaf ears when the advice constantly sought is never taken seriously.

Are you talking about you and your brother or you and your Dad? If its you, why do you even try.

You have no caregiving duties anymore. Your Dad is in an AL being cared for. Your brother and his wife probably make sure he gets what he needs. All you need to do now is visit.

Again if you, you expect too much from your family. I am going to be blunt here, I think your family is tired of the drama. Your always finding fault in something they do or say. I have followed u from day one. Its not them, its you. Members have been telling you this for months. Your family is not interested in what you have to say. Why do you keep banging your head against a wall. Maybe get therapy to find out why you keep subjecting yourself to this. You know the story about the boy who cried wolf, well your the boy. You have cried wolf so often, no one is listening now.

I am not the first member to be blunt. And if you go to see a therapist, take some of your posts with you. Its like a diary. And sorry to say, its mostly "poor me".

If you are the recipient of the comment, it will probably be in your best interests to accept the comment as a reality, and IMMEDIATELY do the very best thing you have access to to feel better and support yourself.

In spite of the seeming callous, ignorant, rude abruptness of the three words of sympathy, the family member may actually have done you a huge favor.

Family member has gone right to the heart of the issue and given you the unrequited right to figure out exactly what your needs are, and access what you need.

Now take the offer and do something self nurturing because YOU DESERVE THAT.

I imagine this is the brother and wife again, Lisa, and that the person being told to "get over it" is you?

You have a long history here with us on the Forum. And not a few people have essentially told you something similar in the past, if not quite so brutally, one would hope. I think that sometimes you tend to see the dark side of things.

I Listened to a podcast recently and title of it is "Does ANYONE Really Like His Job?". Essentially the premise is that jobs are tough. And they ARE. I love retirement (tho the next step is not so pretty).

I think, given history with family, that it would be better if you shared the day to day woes of work (trust me, they will ALWAYS be there) with friends, not with family.

People's responses, when they are mean, often come of their own frustration, of their feeling burdened, or of frustration with the person sharing with them. Maybe don't share with those you know will likely be unsympathetic.

While job issues don't really fall within the perview of this Forum, you're a regular here. Just perhaps put it in the "Discussions" section in future, under "My Whine". We all have those days! Take care.