Suggestions for convincing a dementia patient to shower?

I'm sorry my phone is glitchy for some reason, anyways, the right caregiver with the right personality that complements your wife. May do the trick. Sometimes one care giver can de stress a person , another caregiver may add to the stress, it just depends on the personalities of your wife and her caregiver.


I got called some really nasty names getting a women in the shower once, but I don't think anyone else could of even gotten her near there

Also there are some great dry shampoos out there

I feel like the right care giver that has the right relationship with your wife, and a personal

Is she afraid of falling? This fear will keep her from wanting to shower. We had grab bars, a comfortable seat, etc. I had the bath water set at a comfortable temperature and so on, yet my mom was afraid.

Mom asked me for a washcloth to hold while she was gripping the grab bar. Bingo! She felt more secure than when her hands would slip on the wet grab bar.

We have another poster who calmed her mom’s fears by placing water shoes on her mom’s feet. She was no longer afraid. I thought that was a brilliant idea!

I do think that it is easier when an outside person such as an aide does the showering. It’s easier for them to tell a child or spouse no.

Sometimes a sponge bath will do. You can only do so much.

Best wishes to you.

I'm going to tell you that there is no need for you or anyone else to get in the shower with her. That is ridiculous. I did homecare for 25 years and have given thousands of showers. I have never gotten into the shower with a client. That ain't happening. You say the bathroom was set up by a nurse so there's not worry about it being unsafe.

Your best bet in my experience would be to bring in a CNA for the showering and not you doing it yourself.

When the aide comes you tell your wife she's a nurse (sometimes people with dementia don't understand "caregiver" or "CNA" but everyone knows "nurse") and she's been sent by (name her doctor) to come and help her with the shower. Then the three of you head for the bathroom.

If she gets stubborn, look her straight in the face and speak to her in uncomplicated language. Tell her plainly that her doctor called and said she must take a shower and will hear no excuses. Promise her a nice treat if she takes her shower and gets fixed up. This usually works.

If it doesn't work, you force her into the shower. It's not safe or healthy for a person to go months without showering unless she's being washed up regularly. Does she get soap-and-water washed up? If so then she doesn't need to shower She can be kept clean this way too.

It can be difficult especially when they lose their spatial abilities and become frightened of the depth of the tub and getting in or out. They don't like the feel of water. The brain is broken; so, what looks normal and non intimidating to us may seem like a huge scary dark pit to them. I would try sponge baths at the sink in between main showers. We are trained in class, but in real life situations, you have to do what is right for the person and you. Just make sure that you are both safe.

Also, it depends on how the bathroom is set up. Some bathrooms are huge with nice large showers. I've known nurses who do home care who would wear clothes to help a client maintain their balance and to wash their hair while in the shower. There is no right or wrong way to do this. As long as you get your person clean and showers are not too long and too hot.

We Got a CNA ( certified Nurses assistant ) who came twice a week . We were Lucky to get him In Once a week . Try That . This is Common . They dont Like the feel of water or the sound .

Agree with Funkygrandma59. Get in the shower with her! Wear swimtrunks if need be. If she is apprehensive at first, Make it more than just a shower, make it special so she learns to look forward to it. I give her the Spa Treatment every other week. Sometimes she asks for it now. My wife is 92yo, I'm 70. For me, it is a delight to shower bathe her. We have showered together during our 25 yrs (not always). Dementia took away her memories of me in 2019 and she now calls me "Mom". But she remembers being pampered. Before showering, turn the heat up and close door with lites on. That will make it cozy for her. Just treat her as special, as she always has, with compliments to keep her at ease. Like a SPA Treatment. We use a shower chair. I wash her hair and massage her scalp while she holds the wand and keeps herself warm. Ask her to wet you down to stay warm from time to time and Ask her how good the massage feels to engage her. Leave the Conditioner in until you rinse her whole body. Then, using nice scented body wash with lotion in it, GENTLY wash her from shoulder to toes, being sure to get between the toes. If she is able, hand her the well-soaped washrag to clean her private parts while you hold her up. Have towels for drying her hair and for drying off handy so you can remain in the warm shower. I have her clean bra, panties, and bodywrap ready. I escort her to her bed, have her sit, and blow-dry her hair. With a large beach towel on the bed, I let her lay down while I put lotion all over her body like she has always done for herself. She enjoys the special treatment and looks forward to her next SPA day. A side benefit, she usually falls asleep during the lotion rub and I get to rest! Best to you!

Have you watched any Teepa Snow videos on the topic of showering?

Hi Fred,
Have you considered finding out what it is specifically about showering that she’s avoiding? Is she fearful of falling at some point in the process, is her skin too dry & bathing makes it worse, is her energy too depleted that the thought of the entire process of showering is too exhausting for her?

I have early onset myself & am finding that I simply need a reminder to shower a couple of times a week. When I learned more about my MRI brain scan & that things like my thalamus had atrophied to 4% etc , & learned that it regulates a lot of things including consciousness- well, I began to have a much better understanding of why I am beginning to do the things I am doing, like feeling exhausted all of the time…etc.
If you can get at her reason for not taking them the solution may follow more easily.
Smartphones are nice too. I have a calendar reminder of the days I need to shower. I’ve set daily alarms for taking my medications.

Your best bet will probably be hiring an aide to come once or twice a week to give her a shower, as often folks with dementia do better with a stranger doing that than a loved one.
And of course you never ask her if she wants to take a shower you just TELL her that it's time now to get in the shower and you take her hand and lead her, and if need be you shower her yourself. I had to help my late husband in the shower and then stand outside and wash him up to make sure he got good and clean.
And for the in-between showers you can use the extra large body wipes and waterless shampoo and conditioner caps that you can order either on Amazon or Walmart.com.
Good luck.