DPOA

I don't see the problem here. When my Mom went into LTC, there was not much I needed to do. I gave the NH the right to become payee for Moms SS and pension. They set up the Personal needs account for the $50 allowed for personal needs.

Why would ur Mom need to make any financial decisions. She has no money. All she may have is the 2k (in my State) allowed for assets. She should not have the ability to touch that. Your Mom must need 24/7 care if she is still in a NH.

What kind of calls are you getting? I think in the 5 months my Mom was in the NH I may have gotten 5 calls two of which were asking if I wanted her placed on Hospice, the other telling me she had passed. Of course I was able to visit every other day.

I would say there is some Dementia going on here and because ur not there everyday you don't see the changes but the staff does. They call you because Mom cannot make an informed decision. She can't understand she has no money. Is she able to call you, maybe you need to have her phone taken away? Or you just don't pick up her calls all the time.

If these calls are about things the staff should have no problem in deciding then tell the DON this. If your being called because she is being uncooperative or wants this and that, tell the DON you do not want these type of calls. You only want emergency calls, like she was taken to the hospital. And remind the DON that you live 1200 miles away and will not be able to rush over anyway. They need to treat Mom like she has no family. What do they do in that instance? They handle the problem. If u get a call from an aide tell them u have made a request to the DON that no calls are to be made unless an emergency. By law though, falling out of bed or any type of fall has to be reported to family. Maybe in those cases, ask that text be done.

Clothes, Mom went in with a certain amount, she should still have them. If not, they need to be found. Mom only needs basics. I understand where ur coming from, but you just need to learn to let this stuff roll off ur back. Its OK to use a little fib to make Mom happy.

If you have taken on POA continue it and keep meticulous records. Get all accounts safe, allowing mom only a very small spending account of her own. Supply her with her monthly records enumerating her assets and accounts and expenditures. I did this with my brother and it was great comfort to him to have his spiral notebook to look at monthly and be reassured. He kept his small spending account up to date with ease and in fact only grew the amount in it with sales of some of his last "treasures".

If your mother now has a diagnosis of dementia, then you cannot abandon her at this point without officially and legally resigning as POA with an attorney. Often APS can handle this if you do not wish to serve, but do know if another siblings steps in the POA will be given to them, and you have already indicated this could be a problem.

I suggest you continue to serve, be certain all accounts are correctly done with bank offices. It will take a good year and more to get your POA papers registered with every entity and get all bills coming to you. Sign all checks with her name by you as POA.

IF you resign that is easiest on you, but it leaves your mother absolute PREY to a family that has already financially abused her. If you love her I think you've a duty to attempt to protect her. My brother ASKED me to serve as Trustee and POA when he was diagnosed with probable early Lewy's Dementia. He knew where it would take him and wanted things kept safe. You have done the same and much of your work is already done. Be patient with your Mom because quite honestly her complaints DON'T indicate she has got better, but rather that she has got WORSE and doesn't understand you are protecting her.

Resigning a POA is easy when someone is perfectly competent. Just a simple letter and notifications to entities you are registered as POA with. But when someone is no longer competent to manage his or her own finances you cannot simply abandon them at the side of the road because they've become difficult.

Thank you reading the on Medicaid part...a trust or allowance or spending money in my state is not possible > 40$ a month for her. Also I live 1200 miles away.

When talking about her day to day needs and things she needs to get by from day to day, would be a good day to talk with her, and be by her side, and reminisce about the days gone by...
Do be by her, do make her day fun, do give her milkshakes and fun things to eat, play music, and dance... just make a joyful time of these precious moments. Why sweat the issues about what she needs to buy? Power ofAttorney. Give her an allowance, if you are so worried about it. So the place I had my aunt, would keep a certain amount of money in her name so they can provide things she may need...
She's your mom, don't make this an issue... You are POA... for when she cannot make a decision... ... .... oops my kid is going to ..... start being....

activity involved... I cannot finish a sentence... so ... you get my drift... be there for her... honestly.... just be there.... You logged in to this site, you typed up your questions, I am sure you can type an email to her nursing home as fast as you typed up this question...

type the nursing home and see if they can hold $200 a month for her to spend as she thinks she needs.. Do they provide a service to take them to a store once or twice a week?
It is important.. .human contact... especially family... If yo think it's hard on you, just think what it is doing to her?.... :(
Poor thing... maybe she was not as good of a mom as some other people had.. and did not or could not care for all her offspring..
I am pretty sure... I will have my kid thinking.... why? why me? well my darling...

TAG YOU ARE IT... sorry....

honestly... you are the one whom she trusted or, you were just the lucky chosen one... either way...
If yo can't take the heat... get out of the kitchen...

step aside and hand the reigns to someone else... Apologize to mom and move on.

Life flows and moves so quickly... it is done before you even know it... even when the creek is barely moving... oh believe me... IT's MOVING.... yup... I'm realizing it now.. and all over again... :(

bless these moments with your loved ones... You can't get them back...

once they are gone... they are gone.... no do overs, folks....

just do good... that's all... just do and try to do good...

I saw on the news 12 years ago a Dodger fan cold cocked opposing fans... one got it, fell on the asphalt... he basically lost his everything. Advocate against bullying... while the "thing" slugged someone to the ground for no reason, is already out of prison (8 years) and the man he slugged and kicked has a life sentence of life altering ailments due to this violent act...
things happen that we cannot control... and if being a POA is causing you stress, and you do not want to be an advocate for Mom, then kindly, for mom's sake, give someone else the privilege to do this...

It doesn't sound like your mom is competent, if she doesn't understand her finances.

Do you think she can shop from a catalog independently or go to a store without someone's assistance?

You can resign your POA and allow the state to gain guardianship.

Does your mother understand that she has no money except for her monthly personal needs allowance?

If you've explained "mom, you have NO money" and she's badgering you, ask the NH to contact you when she legitimately needs something and stop taking her calls.

Is she getting meds for agitation?

You can, if she can manage her own finances. Otherwise why not help her set up a trust with you as a back up trustee? It would feed a checking account each month with a set amount of money to cover her bills, but protect the majority of her funds. That way she has enough money to cover her living expenses and she can purchase things (via the checking account), but the majority of it is sequestered from the siblings, and you can step away but keep an eye on the run-down to Medicaid. Plus it will be neat and tidy after all your hard work if you need to step in again.