Should I tell my mom I am leaving for vacation or no?

If you have a brother that is willing to come and stay with mom when you go, I would do whatever will make HIS life easier while staying with her, otherwise this might be the last time he volunteers for this.

I like what Willie said. Tell her when ur ready to leave. "Mom Joe is going to stay with you while I go on vacation for a few days." Then kiss her on the cheek and leave. Just like you would a small child going to Nursery school for the first time.

I would tell her that you’re leaving. I wouldn’t allow her reaction to change any plans that you have.

You’re already expecting her to get upset. Don’t stay longer and prolong the agony for either of you. Say, “Goodbye Mom, I’m heading out. Your son will take great care of you.”

I was the hostess for every holiday gathering for my family. I enjoyed it for many years but when I grew tired of it I quit. My mom wasn’t happy about it. I decided that I wanted a complete break and made reservations at a hotel right on the beach! Best Thanksgiving in years!

My brothers looked after my mother while we were away. My younger brother is single and he stayed in my home with her. They did all of the holiday cooking that year while I enjoyed the beach with my family. My mom got over it and said that she was glad that we had a nice time.

I think she expected me to go back to cooking huge dinners for every holiday. I told her that I was done with it forever! My mom and brothers were surprised but I kept my word.

I started having the holiday meals catered for our immediate family. Everyone needs a break and we deserve to pamper ourselves once in awhile. So, go on your trip and have a great time! Leave the caregiving behind with your brother.

I wouldn't sneak off, that will just cause her to distrust you. I would tell her when bro arrives and you are heading out the door - "I'm heading off to shangi-la for a week mom, but don't worry bro is going to take care of everything here. Love ya, bye!"

No, you should tell her. Let her get angry, tell her you are sorry to cause her distress, but brother has your phone and can get you in seconds, and that she will be safe. Let her cry or shout, whatever she needs to do, but just calmly stick to it. I wouldn't tell her more than a few days ahead.

This is a big question to me. My mother is in a assisted living facility, a few months ago my sister went out of the country, told my mother, and even emailed us her itinerary. On the day my sister left, My mother had a mental breakdown, she was physically and emotionally abusive to hospital staff. My mother since then has been diagnosed with minor to major dementia. What to do now?

Tell her that you are going on vacation and that your brother will care for her in a manner of fact way. Make sure your brother is with her before you leave. Give a short and cheery farewell... then go enjoy yourself.

We always tell my Mom about 1-2 days ahead of time. If you tell her more than 1-2 days ahead of time, she will ask the same darn questions...Did I hear correctly that you are going on vacation? Why are you going on vacation? Where are you going? Who is going with you? Who is going to take care of me?

We tell her so that she does not feel abandoned and think it was her fault that I left.

Vacations have always been a thorn in my mom’s side since dad passed 4 years ago. She’s lived in a few AL facilities since his passing, and makes it an issue or reason to say, “oh you’re going again?” It has become more common now for her to misbehave and act out when my sister, myself or both of us are gone. Then we come back and have to set her straight after going to the AL “principals” office. We have sat her down and told her that her rude and misbehaving actions are unacceptable, reminding her that she and dad traveled the world in retirement, visiting places I have yet (and maybe won’t get) to see. We’re now retired and it’s our turn, she should be happy for us. She is in good hands at AL.
However, in your situation, we have learned to only tell our mom a few days prior to leaving now. She has a calendar to write it down on, yet she still asks when are we coming back. It’s a difficult situation but you are entitled to a break.

So let your brother take the reigns and enjoy yourself. Perhaps it’s also something your brother can help by letting your mom know that he’s coming to stay with her while you’re away, and they have some catch-up time together, putting a positive spin on it. Wishing you the best, and an enjoyable trip!

It depends on how she handles it. If she is fine with it then tell her. Since you say she gets mad I wouldn’t tell her and see how she acts with your brother.

In my own case, my mom would often find a way to try to sabotage the trip by suddenly getting sick. When she didn’t do that she was begging to go along. It was always a gamble what she might do but it was never “Okay, have a nice trip!” so we stopped telling her. The funny thing now is that she often suspects we are on vacation even when we aren’t but since she has a caregiver it is none of her business and we just let her think whatever she wants to think.