For those of you were tired of my posts, sorry. For those of you who understand how sick this whole thing is, thank you. To sum up, narcissistic mother left at age 13 (but waited until 13) to go to Europe. Depressed. Anxious. Never took responsibility. At age 17, called me every night about problems. Swore would never live in the same city with her. Did not come to wedding, graduations or pay for anything. One-way relationship.
I felt compassion and fear so tried to keep her at bay. Paid for her to live as she lost money and I wanted her FAR away from me. About 1.5 years ago, at 77, she had another life attack and was frozen after acting semi-decent. We saw her a couple times in 10 years. Maybe 15 days. Now for the past 1.5 years she emails 10 times a day (to multiple emails, from 5 emails, pretend rabbis), skypes, LinkedIn messages, facebook. I've blocked and blocked. I've called police in Florida 5 times. I've gone to police in San Francisco and filed a harassment order. I've spoken with lawyers. She has clearly stated that there is no way she is honoring boundaries at her age. She will not be decent. Not with her world crashing down. She will not stop. I am the only one. Doesn't want to be in St. Louis with my sister. Doesn't want to live alone in nice condo I offered to buy her. I'm still working through how to not feel guilty and how to be okay with not knowing her whereabouts. She really doesn't leave the room in the hotel. She really is miserable. But, she won't agree to anything but me coming to save her and that's not happening. She is evil and conniving and manipulative. I need some more support. Yes, counselor supports me to meditate, set boundaries. She will not honor any. Interrupts my daily life and my thoughts and my activities. Uploading to police file now. More time. Her sick thinking is that she gave birth to me and I owe her my life.
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Please stop being afraid of this paper tiger.
So she's outside. Does she have weapons?
You are making decisions for your own life based on I am uncertain exactly what. You already have done this for years, and you know the outcome. You are enabling your mother by spending on her and attempting to make her happy. Her limitations will never allow her to be happy, so you are wasting your own life. No one can stop you from throwing yourself on this sacrificial pyre.
This is entirely in your own hands.
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I used that term advisedly. Many posters who come here have grown up with mentally ill parents who've told them that THEY are the ones who are not fitting in, not normal.
The OP who has lived with lifelong craziness deserves to know that their parent is very off balance and that damage has been done to their perception of reality.
It must be such a weight to be under.
"My husband will monitor the 1 email account channel we keep open. If this is foolish, maybe but I will follow this and I will not fund her next year if she violates. That is going to be hard. She will go nuts. She won't spend $20 on an uber with $170,000k in the bank. She won't spend a nickel, so a hoarding disorder on top, with depression and anxiety."
The OP is has self-named herself OCDtrauma.
The OP can choose to seek therapy, to be open to new ways to respond to her world. Or not.
Choose to stay entwined into this, stay a victim. Let this Mother-obsession rule her life. Or not.
I wish you clarity & courage OCD.
The problem isn't your mother. It's with you. As long as you continue to play her games and I think a few of your own, nothing can improve or change with your situation.
I've done quite a lot! I've stopped sending her money. I won't see her.
But she emails my work constantly from 5 emails, pretend emails. I guess the next thing I have to do is just delete. Hard to not see my voicemail full on my phone. It's all blocked. Have not answered one of 250 voicemails.
I guess there is nothing other than to accept to call police if she shows up.
In a prior (but very similar post), you left some alarming news late in the day about your mother having just messenged you that she is going to kill herself. Others continued to write to you for support - but you left it silent after that. And you wrote back the next day the thoughts you had while you were at the theater the nite before. You were fine enough to go to a show, but I do believe that you left that climax as is so as not to respond back to others on this site that your mother was checked on and ok because it added to the drama.
I see question marks in your story - again on this post, you're referencing that she didn't pay for your wedding 20 years ago? I thought that's more of a father thing to do anyway - and, seriously, some people pay for their own wedding. She probably wasn't invited to your wedding and graduation, but you write your post in a way that makes her negligent. I think your narrative enables you to get exactly what you want and need - which is for people to support you in not hearing and speaking ever to your mother and relieving the guilt - and to feel sorry for you. But, you've heard it all already. Do you see this as taking advantage of others' good nature and time by continuing to say the same advice again to you?
You're sending her photo and story to your entire townhouse community like she's some kind of armed, deranged fugitive - and to be on the look-out because she's dangerous - but, in reality, she's not. She's just a drama queen and neurotic - and pathetic. And that's about it. So, I really think you need to put your mother in perspective - because there are some really hideous mothers out there - physically and verbally toxic, violent and abusive - who have caused way worse. I'm truly not trying to minimize your own suffering with her, but rather trying to get you out of your own self.
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