How do you handle inappropriate comments?

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AngelKayLee Asked September 2023

How do you handle inappropriate comments?

My father is currently on Hospice at home (he is bedbound and is dying) for his declining health and dementia. Several times a week, Hospice has a CNA come in and bathe him, etc. My nephew is home when this happens and the last time the CNA came and was performing her duties, he heard my dad say something sexually inappropriate to her.

Should my nephew tell my father not to say things like and to apologize to the CNA right whenHo it happens (if it happens again) or should my nephew just apologize directly to the CNA for what my father says? I know he has dementia, and can't necessarily comprehend that what he is saying is morally wrong, but should we still let him know it's morally wrong and something to apologize for (in his current state)? Side note, there are no children in the home nor is my father ever around children so no worries about him ever saying something to a minor.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Communication & Language Dementia Behaviors Sex

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score 0 · Answer 1

It seems to me if he can't control his sex talk then he would be talking that way to everyone. Yet I am sure he probably doesn't. As Burnt would say dad needs to be told to knock it off with the perverted comments. I really have to wonder how the mind and memory seems to go but this behavior seems to linger and intensify with many old men. I would hire a male CNA if you can find one. I can bet he wouldn't make lewd comments to him as he was getting his bath.

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score 3 · Answer 2

Momma has done this. I might have already mentioned this before but one of the ladies came in to take the trash out momma makes comments about their weight, the way they wear their hair, their nails and race. She talks loud and has done it in the drs waiting area, at dinner in public and in her assisted living facility. Anywhere really. My husband gets embarassed. I am used too it but she has emabarassed me a number of times. I don't say anything too her but we just try to distract her change the subject and move on. I will apology to the person that is offended if needed. The workers at her facility seem to take it in stride.

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I am reading your message and laughing because you just described my father LOL He does the exact same thing with his Phisycal therapist, the CNA's, nurses, Dr.s anyone, anywhere LOL I apologize to them but several times they tell me not to worry about it, they know that the "filter" is gone due to the cognitive impairment.

(2)

score 2 · Answer 3

You don’t really need to ‘say’ anything. Tap your head a couple of times, and do a spiral with your finger. Less fuss for everyone.

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score 1 · Answer 4

You or your nephew could talk to the CNA, although I’m sure the CNA has heard it before and is assuming your father does not have his faculties .

10 years ago when my daughter was 17 , a senior in high school , she worked in the dining room after school a few nights a week serving dinner in AL. She used to tell me about the “ dirty old man at table 4” . Even at 17 she figured out he had dementia .

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score 1 · Answer 5

There’s an old joke about old men whose ambition is to ‘die hard’. Perhaps that’s it?

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score 4 · Answer 6

My Aunt with mod/adv dementia used to spout all sorts of nasty racist things. Whenever we took her to medical appointments where there were people of all flavors, I'd take them aside privately and let them know my Aunt will say atrocious things to them. Every single person would tell me not to worry about it, they've heard that and worse.

Unless you think the CNA is wet behind the ears, I would ignore it. His brain is broken. He wouldn't be able to understand what he did or offer a sincere apology.

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It's funny about racist clients. They seem to forget a lot of things, love ones, and good memories. However, they can recite every racist and nasty thing they can remember.

The disease is weird.

(6)

score 5 · Answer 7

Nephew should speak with CNA and tell her he overheard the comment, that your father has dementia. He should apologize and let her know that your father isn't in charge of his mental capacity at this time. I am quite certain any CNA with any experience at all is well aware of all this (I was an RN and cannot imagine she isn't). I am certain she will reassure your nephew that this is not at all uncommon nor unexpected by medical personnel.

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Thank you so much for letting me know a gracious way to handle this!

(0)

score 8 · Answer 8

The CNA has heard it all.
I am sure what he said was of no consequence to her.
Ignore his comments, I am sure the CNA ignores them as well.

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score 6 · Answer 9

Waste of time, he won't get it or remember for more than 3 seconds. I am sure the CNA has had to deal with dementia afflicted old men before.

I would TT the CNA about it.

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How do you handle inappropriate comments?

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