I care for my mother in her house and am unpaid. A friend suggested I keep track of the hours I am at the house. Any suggestions about how?

If you are thinking that keeping track of hours would mean that you could eventually get some compensation out of her estate or the sale of her assets, you are WRONG. To get compensation in due course, you need a contract - with mother if she is legally competent. If her legal competence would be challenged, you need a contract with all the family members who are likely to be beneficiaries.

The amount of money involved in many hours of care may mean that it’s best to get it drawn up by a lawyer. First run it past the family members. If they say that they will not sign, you need to reconsider what you are doing. Keeping track of hours is a waste of your time, and the care is jeopardising your financial future. For contract purposes, you may need to think about the hours of care that are justified, rather than how much time you spend there.

This is a trap that many carers fall into. They expect compensation that never comes. Your compensation now is ‘looking wonderful’, and it doesn’t make up for the bitterness you feel when you know it has been taken for granted by everyone including mother. ‘Wonderful’ also doesn’t provide for your own future care when you are old yourself.

TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY!

For what purpose do you need to keep track of your hours?

Go out find a job, save up some money and move out, she can either hire someone to help her or move to AL.

Why keep track of anything. For what purpose.
You already know you should be getting a job, working, and that you have a dependent family that isn't healthy for you. You have a lot of issues to address, but numbers of hours you do anything seems irrelevant.

Of course Mom doesn't cook. Why would she? You're there to do it for her.

Please, please - look after yourself and don't depend on care assistance for your mother. When I started taking care of my mother, I asked her if she would sign off on my receiving benefits for taking care of her and she outright refused - no discussion. She believed it was my duty to put my life on hold for free, convinced me of that fact and I burned through my company pension taking care of her for 6 years. After numerous falls and injuries, we put her in a care home and now that she no longer needs me full-time, she accused me of being a power mad tyrant and abusive so I went no-contact with her 5 months ago. I had no job and had a difficult time finding one. I just gave up my apartment and moved in with my sister a few days ago to save money since I only had a couple of thousand dollars left to my name. The good news is - I just landed a great new job (signed the contract this morning) and am finally moving on with my life. Do yourself a favor - start looking for a job NOW (don't give up, keep trying!), move out and get your life back. Don't sacrifice yourself any longer. You probably won't even be thanked for it in the end.

I moved into my mom’s house before she needed care, as a stopgap after a divorce. Within a year she began a steady decline, and I felt I needed to stay. I’d lost my job of 30 yrs. within a year of moving in. Soon I couldn’t leave mom alone for more than 2-3 hours weekly to see my lifesaving therapist (my financial splurge). Sisters thought I was riding high on the hog, rent free. I was a prisoner. I finally left, and I’m sure my sibs will never understand or appreciate those 5 years of home confinement changing diapers, shopping, transporting to appointments every day.

Best to stop hoping for past compensation and work on accepting that with as much peace as you can muster. I waited too long, I hope you don’t, too.

Get it out of you head that you will receive retroactive pay.

Just like the others who have answered so far, I wonder what you hope keeping track of your hours will accomplish. No one is waiting to write you a check for those hours. If your mother is on Medicaid, you can contact your state's Medicaid department to see if they pay a relative for home care, but the process is more involved than just keeping track of your hours. Even if your state pays something to a family caretaker, it won't be much money and will not do much to help you build work skills and establish a work history.

Get that job. NOW. Whatever you can find after eight years!

Meals? Anything cold. Leave a fruit/granola/yogurt parfait for breakfast. Sandwich and chips for lunch. Dinner is whatever you feel like fooling with, or get take-out. Or open a can of soup and serve with crackers!

But keeping a log of hours to get paid? Hooooooonnney, you are sooo dreaming. Not gonna ever happen.

Job. JOB. You should have found one years ago, but better late than never.

You probably need caregiver agreement if you want to continue on this path. If your mother cannot be left alone, I’d suggest seeing elder law attorney & then tour facilities to see which is best. Any Medicaid application needs look back. Longer for nursing homes. Did you ever have in home care for her? With the in home situation, you still need to be very involved. & oversee everything. You need to start making plans for your own life too. 8 years & counting is a long time! Hugs 🤗

Goose, have you made some progress towards finding a job and a new place to live?