How do I get her to bathe?

KB, this is from last September. At that point, you had been away from your job for 6 months. Your grandfather passed away in January.

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I think it's time for Grandma to be placed. She is beyond the realm of amateur care

Grandmother needs someone to bathe her. Often this has to be a nurse, care assistance, or home health aide.

HI. We had this at the beginning, house smelt and she smelt also would not accept help. You basically have to clean the house, even if she gets upset, we used to spill things on purpose, as a way to clean things up..or il go the the toilet, while there I would clean it.. if two people go to house, one can chat to her, whilst the other cleans it, or one taker her out to lunch and the other goes in and cleans, if you have a pare key...within a few hours she will have forgotten you have done it.
The personal care us harder, we git the incontinence team in, who provided the pads.. we bought kylies for her bed, they absorb the pee in her bed and we would whip them of the bed and into washing machine, when she was distracted. We would do this with her clothes also.. if she thought she was going out, she would change her clothes, so we would call round and take ger for coffee etc, thus then gave us a chance to help wash her...but its blumin hard..you have to be mentally strong to take the abuse..but they don't mean it, they don't remember once it has been done

1. Add a tranquilizer to her meds
2. Put out clean towels and clothes for her to see.
3. Have a bench in the shower stall.
4. Hand held sprayer is helpful
4. Liquid soap and a scruffy and a bath toy for fun
4. Don't ask, just lead her in.
5. At night put an Always pad in her underpants
6. Put a Chux on her bottom sheet.
7. You can hire a home care person who will know just what to do. 1-2 hours a day for 3-5 days a week.
8. Reward with hugs and compliments.

I know how trying it is to get a resistant elderly person to bathe. I put my mother in the shower every Saturday and believe me, I dread it.

I'll just tell you now that there is no amount of talking, suggesting, threatening or pleading that's going to make your grandmother decide to bathe.

The only solution is to take the bull by the horns and put her into the tub or shower and wash her. The verbal abuse is hard to take, so maybe hiring someone who is not going to be triggered by her verbal rantings is the best option.

At night, put her on a bed pad - either disposable or washable - put her into some depends or other pull-up with a night time pad inside that that should cut down or eliminate the pee ending up all over the bedding.

At the point where you are with your GM, get some help in a few hours a week. We went through this with my father. He did not want to bathe. The smell would make me sick. It was always an argument to try to get him to shower.

We had a marvelous helper who he established a rapport with. She was able to convince him to shower. He did not want her to actually wash him but she helped him get in and out of the shower and he at least did some sort of personal hygiene. Wasn’t the best but it was better than nothing.

Not wanting to bathe seems very common with dementia patients. They don't remember when they last took a bath for one thing. In addition, a shower or bath seems to be unpleasant for them. This is a common problem. Some people have success with someone outside the family coming in and bathing them. We were unable to get my MIL to bathe. She just went dirty. And sometimes smelly. She was not peeing the bed. She is fastidious about being clean, so she probably wasn't as bad as some.

We just placed my MIL in a care facility and they still have trouble with bathing her. She tends to fight them to the point where she is hitting, kicking and digging her nails into their skin. We never physically tried to get her into the shower. She prefers baths and was getting stuck in the tub.

Let her get upset. Let her scream, yell, and rage.

Clean the house anyway.

Let her do the same thing when it's time to wash up. If you have to force her into the shower, do it. You may need to hire some homecare to help with this.

I did homecare for a long time and have had more elder than I can count who would pee or crap all over themselves and refuse to be washed up.

Always try the diversion tactics, coaxing, and the promises of special treats first. They may do the trick. They may not.
Sometimes a little intimidation is required to get done what must get done.
Yell right in her face as loud as you can if you have to. I know this sounds harsh and cruel because it is.
Believe me a person recovers a lot easier from hurt feelings and a few tears then they do from a UTI, skin breakdown, or sores because they are left in their own filth.

Your grandmother is out of it with dementia. Try to think of her like dealing with a child.
Lots children have to be forced to take a bath. Or do their homework. Or eat their vegetables. Same thing with dementia.

What would happen if you said, “oh no! The dog peed the bed again. Well, let’s get you cleaned up and fresh again” while leading her to the shower.

My client with Alzheimer's also resisted taking a shower. What helped was a soft voice, engendering trust, and allowing her to soap her own body - it was an automatic function for her - I soaped her upper back. She was visible uncomfortable with nurses ("strangers") cleaning her body. I also used distraction at times - asked her simple questions while in the shower so she wouldn't be so entrenched and overwhelmed with only her discomfort being in the shower.