My husband suffers from paranoia, refuses to be treated, should I be concerned for my safety?

LL1
you are absolutely correct. This is very sad. And it’s very scary too..

Hopefully he will go to his doctor or hospital and get the help he needs.

You don’t mention dementia, but his behaviour sounds like my mother’s and paranoia was one of her early symptoms.

Get the weapons out, get yourself out and call help. Does he ever leave the property? Or walk around the property unarmed? You don’t want him holed up, armed, shooting at EMS.

Although she is content in her care home and joyfully celebrates visits by others, when my mother recognizes me, she sometimes accuses me of trying to kill her or have her killed. She becomes violent.

He may turn on you, just as she has turned on me.

Interesting why he wouldn't want to talk with a therapist, that could help a lot.

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Debbie, I'm sending you a private message. Access under your Profile.

Well, of course you should be concerned for your safety! You put your question under Anger, Paranoia and Violent Behavior categories, and then proceed to say DH blames you for kicking a door in, people are shooting at him, and he "goes outside with a weapon". What's to stop him from thinking YOU'RE the bad guy, in a fit of paranoia, and turning his weapon on you, God forbid?

Folks with mental health issues or dementia should not have access to ANY weapons at all. I'd get that weapon (and all others) away from him while he's in the shower one day and call 911 for a psych hold on him.

Best of luck to you

You should have been concerned for your safety long ago. Call 911 and get him a 72-hour psych hold. Then can figure out treatment from there.

Why does he have a weapon? Why have you not taken that away?

I agree with JoAnn. I also believe, if there are weapons in the house they should be removed to places of safety out of the home. There may be a call that should be made to EMS with transport to a hospital and medications may be required with placement of some length of time, or permanently. Do not make such a call in the presence of your husband or you are endangering yourself. When EMS arrives tell them that he has been threatening to yourself and others. If they will NOT take him to hospital at that time you should leave the house with them and not return; have a "go bag" at the ready with your own needs (clothing, cash, medications). Then call APS for senior at immediate risk.

Yes, you are in danger. So are others.

You have nothing on your profile that suggested DH has Dementia or Parkinson's. By weapon do you mean gun or a knife? You need to call his doctor and tell him/her you are afraid for your life or someone elses. He then needs to call the authorities and make them aware its a Baker Act situation. That the person is paranoid and may have a weapon. They are not to use force but to do everything they can to get him to ER or a Psychiatric facility. Maybe there is something the doctor can give you that will quiet ur husband down so he can be taken away safely. And, I would not allow him back into ur home.

For now, I would remove everything in your house that could be used a weapon.

Good morning..

it’s light out.
can you get you and son out to go to church, “grocery store”, hospital, anywhere? Police station?

do you think it’s time to do something? Sometimes it’s scary to make a move..

hope you are ok…

Yes, you should be concerned, particularly if this behavior is new or escalating. Grandma1954’s advice is spot on. If you believe he is a danger to others or himself, then he needs help asap. Is this due to dementia, Alzheimer’s, or another know factor?

1. Has your husband been diagnosed with any form of dementia?

2. If at ANY time you do not feel safe LEAVE THE HOUSE.

3. If you are being threatened call 911. Explain to the dispatcher what is happening and that you are afraid for your safety. ALWAYS have your cellphone with you!
(If he has been diagnosed with any form of dementia inform the dispatcher of that. )

4. If there are ANY weapons in the house either lock them up or remove them from the house. (removing is preferable to locking them up) If there are weapons you need to inform the dispatcher if you have to call 911.
*This also includes locking up any kitchen knives and tools that may become a weapon.

5. You need to inform his doctor what is going on.
6. You should inform your doctor what you are going through as this will effect your health as well.

7. You need to see an Elder Care Attorney. You should have POA in place. make sure you have all the paperwork that you need in case you have to make the decision to place him.

8. If you do call 911 and he is transported to the hospital make sure that you inform the staff, the Social Worker that you do not feel safe at home and that he can not be discharged back to your home.

This is scary. You need to leave now. You are not safe.

Even though it was a TV show, this recalled to mind an episode of Hawaii 5 0 where the guy was a hitman.

In one instance he's smiling and enjoying time with his family ( I think it was his niece and or nephew), the next he shoots and kills a woman in a parking garage with no expression on his face.

Mike on Breaking Bad was the same. Again tv shows, but this thread is somewhat similar.

He is a mentally unstable man with a weapon in his hand, yes, you need to be concerned.

If there is a minor child in the home, leave or at worse case, develop an escape plan, have a bag hidden, money stashed, CC's, important documents in the bag, extra set of car keys in the bag.

You can go to a friend's house or a woman's shelter as a bridge.

Keep your cell phone with you at all times and on.

If he threatens you with the gun, call 911 immediately, do not hesitate. It takes less than a minute to fire the gun.

Sending support your way.

Fawnby is right.does he watch you intently? If he sees you packing and bagging things he may get aggravated. Proceed with caution.
Do not engage in telling him what to do. What happens if you do not react to his odd behavior?

if you are feeling your lives are in danger:
GET HELP. GET OUT.

my friend’s daughter gave her hubby divorce papers. He didnt take it well.
I told friend to call 911. 5150. Get him help. Friend said thst would escalate things.
Yup it could’ve been worse; luckily he only took his life.
if she were home, he would’ve taken her too..

When chemicals and toxins build up in the blood, the blood will travel throughout the body, this includes the brain.
when the brain is affected, it gets wonky and foggy, like you see in UTI’s.

your LO has a bad heart. I’m no doctor or health advisor, but I did take care of my elders too as you have. You need to remember when your LO’s had UTI’s. I’m sure you’ve gone through that while caring for them. UTI’s affect the brain..
toxic buildup…
causes weird thinking, etc. my friends mom would be comatose looking…
your hubby is getting more n more aggravated. almost sounds like he is not going down by himself. Mind you, he doesn’t need a gun..

MAIN QUESTIONS:
do you feel safe in your home when he gets this way?

when things escalate, and you don’t know what’s going to trigger him, who is going to take care of your adult son?

your question sounds like you are afraid now, and you need confirmation or an okay to get you and son into a safe environment.

if you go to church or you have someone you can call tomorrow, then do so.

make an excuse for you and son to get out of house.

im sure he is in palliative care or hospice and you have those resources to call them 24/7.

it sounds like you are on edge 24/7.. regarding your safety.

he is not only putting himself in harms way but all of you who live under that same roof.. :(

when you get the courage up…
Do call his doctors or call 911. 5150.

this is not his normal behavior. He has a heart issue. He may need to be hospitalized, but he’s not going down without a fight.

im sorry you are going through this.

ive been told numerous times, it’s my fault, but that’s as far as it’s gone.. it sucks. But your situation sounds almost deadly.

he is barricading his family; you and son. What do your other kids say?

are the concerned about this too?

Yes, you should be scared shipless. He’s not going to get better and he may turn on you. Get the weapons off the property! He needs diagnosis and treatment.

You don’t need anyone’s permission to take measures for your safety. Please call a mental health crisis line and ask for help for him and you. Find a place in the house where you can be safe. Make a plan of escape. Have a go bag ready to take with you if you need to leave in a hurry. Know where you can go - a friend, hotel, a shelter for domestic violence survivors. The go bag should contain some extra cash and clothes, whatever you’ll need for a few days. Important papers. Snacks.

I wish you luck. You are smart to know you’re in danger. Be careful.

This is site for National Domestic Violence hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/

What happens when that anger and paranoia become directed at you one day at some unexpected moment you’re not prepared for? That’s a frightening thought. For whatever reason your husband has lost reasoning skills. You cannot talk or argue those back. Please take steps ton ensure your safety