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Asam1173 Asked October 2023

Any resources available out there that can help with the elderly that have been taken advantage of by scammers?

I have a father that has several times sent large sums of money to scammers that have claimed to have a romantic interest in him. Recently the same user name convinced him to sell his RV and then to send her all the money. The RV was his home. He is now currently staying at one of my Aunts. I did not find out about the sale of the RV up until another Aunt told me. I did confront my Dad because he had been lying to me or should I say keeping it from me because he did not want me to lecture him, I have in the past warned him many times that he should not be sending money to anyone but needs to take care of himself and himself only. My Aunts and I have agreed he needs help because he is not making sound decisions. Scammers are able to convince him to send money while telling the most dramatic stories that myself or any other person would not believe in a heart beat. My dad was a smart business man with his own company up until just 2 years ago when he decided to divorce my step mom and sell all of his machinery and trucks. Since, the divorce he has sent over 100k to scammers or close to the sum of by calculations between my step mom, aunts, brother and myself.
It breaks my heart the this actually exist in our world and elderly are taking advantage in this way. Any advice, thoughts and knowledge of resources would be so greatly appreciated.

Ohwow323 Oct 2023
Since you are in the process of the conservatorship - continue.
This is what I did:
I set up my name on my daddies' accounts. I moved money from his checking account to his savings account and he did not know this.
I would not let him see the savings account total he only ever saw the checking account.
He had a living trust and I asked him to resign from it so that I could take care of him - he agreed. This made me in charge of everything.
Start keeping a separate account of all his dealings so if you are asked about it you can prove it.
Start paying his bills and have him go paperless. Let him know you are now taking care of the bills and he doesn't need to worry about them.
Give him a limited prepaid credit card so he can buy what he needs and it will be limited to only that amount. yes its like an allowance.
Get him a grandpad - no scammers can call its only allowed to let assigned people call. Limited internet if you want. Has games, news, music, videos, pictures. Does not work on wifi it works on data so he can use it anywhere.
blessings to you

AlvaDeer Oct 2023
You are so right that this is exceptionally heartbreaking, and unfortunately not even uncommon in our times at all.

The problem you have here is one of competency. If your father were diagnosed with dementia so severe that he was no longer competent to make his own decisions you could file to be his guardian and take over his finances. As he is NOT, I assume, thusly incompetent his poor decisions-making falls under that same category as poor decisions make at any age at all. There is no way you can protect him. His SS will come into his account and he will likely send it right away. If the trailer is gone, then likely all else is as well. If Aunt is caring for him I advise her to make a shared living arrangement with him with an attorney. If she doesn't need the money she can at least put THAT amount away for him.
The dreadful thing here is that you need to make as complete a paper trail as you can here, and consider making a police report, as this amount given to others who are scamming will be considered as "gifting" by the Federal Government, and your Dad won't be eligible to receive care when he needs Medicaid.

You might consider a consult with an Elder Law Attorney to see if you have any options. I am so very sorry this is happening. Do also google AARP and look up scamming; many articles there to discuss with your Dad and some advice and numbers for reaching out for you.

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LoopyLoo Oct 2023
These scammers are almost impossible to catch, let alone prosecute. The majority of these damsels in distress are actually young adults on computers in a crowded room on the other side of the world, working alongside other scammers. And most of the scammers are men. They use voice-altering software to sound like women.

BurntCaregiver Oct 2023
There's a wise old saying.

A fool and their money are soon parted. The answer to your question is no. There are no "resources" (and when you say resources I'm assuming you mean money) available that recover sums of money that some senior willingly and foolishly squandered on nonsense.

Since no one actually robbed or stole from your father no one is going to be prosecuted. He willingly gave his money away. Now he will have to live with the consequences of it the same way my father had to.
He squandered everything he had on a younger woman who was a low-class hustler. Then when the time came and he needed LTC, he couldn't go to a nice place because he couldn't afford it.

Pretty much all you can do now is try to petition the court for conservatorship/guardianship of your father and pray that you get it. Other than that there really isn't much you can do in situations like this.

darts1975 Oct 2023
I forgot to add, but once I got her power of attorney I went on and froze her credit and all of her accounts and put fraud alerts on her bank accounts.

AliceLS Oct 2023
AARP has some of the most comprehensive information for elder financial abuse. Befriend his bank / bankers. Be loud that he is a victim and has been taken advantage of. monitor accounts by becoming a beneficiary. Remove tech from him like pc, email, get him a basic cell phone and plan etc.

it is very important to report the crime to local law enforcement and visit ic3.gov and report it there.

good luck

GRAMTAM Oct 2023
I feel your pain. My father also did this but to a man on the phone that was promising him that he was part of a pyramid and he was going to get a new car - a lot of money. He was into it for about 20,000.00 when I found out. I live in another state so many trips up to his home, elder care, fraud department of the local police, tried to help, family members and the bank all talked to him. He was sending the money through the mail so a women from the Postal office also stopped and talked with him. His man on the phone had him convinced he was going to win. His bank helped but the bottom line - it was his money.
At first I talked with him would go up and straighten things out tell him not to do this. I would leave and he would go buy a gift card and give the numbers to the MAN ON THE PHONE. I had to take over or he would have been in debt and no place to live. I set up my name on my Dads account. I moved money from his checking account into another account and he did not like this and the man on the phone would tell him to sue me for doing this.
My Dad went from a retired business man to giving his hard earned money away. Most of this happened during COVID.
My Dad got very confused - I blame the money issues on his reasons to not be taking care of himself and his falling. My Dad is now in a nursing home with help from the state.
I live in Florida and have gone to many senior centers and churches and have talked to them about what happened to my Dad.
It is sad that this happens and I know it has happened to many.

darts1975 Oct 2023
There are obviously cognitive issues here. I started with writing a long detailed letter to my mother's doctor about what we are witnessing. We got referrals to a neurologist that tested that way. Then we got a referral to a neuropsychiatrist, that took over a year to get into. Eventually, we got a diagnosis of vascular dementia. I had already been able to get financial power of attorney because she had broken her back. It wasn't able to be home to pay her bills and someone had to. And that is how I discovered massive amounts of fraud. It took 14 months to clear it up as best I could. Good luck to you.

RedVanAnnie Oct 2023
The Romance fraud is especially effective when used to scam elderly single men because they are often lonely and often not comfortable with new social contacts. Someone appearing to be young, and attractive and vulnerable and needing his help. There are not necessarily cognitive issues involved other than being too easily lured by the promise of female attention.

It is very sad.

If your father ever recognizes the deception, he will probably be deeply embarrassed and remorseful, but some men never accept the reality of the situation.

Taarna Oct 2023
Always report the scamming activity to the police and your loved one's financial institutions. You might want to consider installing child safety controls on the computer to thwart this activity as well.

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