Been caregiver for 14 years and I am burned out. So put 99 year old aunt into respite care in very nice senior living community.

You have made the SAFE decision for her care, and in spite of the opinions of others, they are really not entitled to expect their opinions/advice to be part of the decision making process.

Seems pretty safe on your part to assume that sitting half naked on the floor in a public area means some sort of altered mental state, and at 99, dementia must be considered.

Ask her present facility if they have a recommendation for a professional who does geriatric cognitive/behavioral assessment, and the results can be assuring to you and ultimately helpful to her.

In a very similar situation, my LO was assessed in her MCU by a gentle soft spoken woman, with me in the room, then suggested small doses of soothing and calming medication, and gave the staff suggestions about managing her acting out and escape attempts.

In fairness to your aunt, adjustment at first takes much longer than a few days, no matter how pleasant her new surroundings are.

In our case, it was a few months before she began to warm to her “hotel”, but ultimately it began to feel much more comfortable to her.

As with your aunt, my LO was a constant fall risk, and could not be kept in the home in which she’d been born 89 years before, even with a full time (live-) in aide.

Hard on her, and possibly even harder on you to have to place her. But in a situation “at home” cannot be made safe, the hard decisions sometimes need to be made more with the mind than the heart.

Yes, you have done enough. She needs more help than any one person can give. See if she can be evaluated. If found Dementia is present than Memory care is where she needs to be. If she can't afford it, Long-term care with Medicaid paying.

Yes. Placement is the answer here. If some of these changes are new then a UTI could be involved.

Seek direction from her medical team. This seems to indicate that she needs memory care. Certainly she shouldn't be returning home.

sounds like Aunt needs medical attention. Have tested for UTI. UTI's for the elderly effect them differently then younger adults.