Please advise on how you were able to convince frugal parent it’s time for a housekeeper once a month.

I can see both sides. My husband (soon to turn 94) and I (closing in on 87) live in our own home. We have periodic yard maintenance, and a housecleaning pro who comes in every two weeks. Due to back problems, I am no longer able to do much physically, and cleanliness is important. I am reluctantly considering asking for an increase in cleaning services to weekly--if our cleaner can make time in her full schedule.

Affordability is an issue for us, as it is for many elders. We need to conserve our resources in the event that we need to transition to a facility within the foreseeable future. That may be a concern for OP's parents as well. If they are still cognitively able to perceive that accepting help now may postpone that transition for a longer period of time, that could be a selling point and perhaps worth a try. (We are in agreement that our adult children will not be responsible for taking direct care of us.)

My mother was a cheapskate. She squeezed a nickel so tight, the buffalo took a poop 🙄. As her medical and financial POA, I paid all her bills and told her a bunch of bald faced lies.

"Medicare paid for your new glasses ma, no worries." To the tune of $986 HA!

"The oral surgeon gave you a seniors discount and pulled your 2 molars for $25." $565 later.......

"The traveling dentist was free, the cost is included in your Memory Care rent." $1050 later.......

"Your Social Security and the VA check cover your whole rent in Memory Care." Rent was $7k, SS and VA added up to $2500

And so on. The goal with a dementia sufferer is to keep her calm all the time. If you can withdraw cash with moms ATM card or whatever, hire a housekeeper and pay her that way. Tell mom Medicare pays for it as of 2023 😁

Gotta be sneaky sometimes!

If your talking about a Home Health Aide, I would think she would need a certain amount of hours to take on the job. If your just talking about a person to come in and clean for a day, that should not cost that much. Mom or you, can maintain the house in between cleanings. I said once a month to do a good cleaning. In between would not need that much. I use Swiffer products. The dry mop on my wood floors. The dusters for a quick dust. I have a broom vacuum for quick pick ups.

https://hospicefoundation.org/Volunteer
Info on what Volunteers provide.

You really can't convince someone. You might find a way to do it yourself once monthly or to save enough eating beans a few times a week to get someone in monthly. I know for my own Mom I gifted her a once ever two week cleaning; she was very tidy so it came down to someone to get "under the beds, behind the toilet, and so on. I struggled to do it, but being able to supply this, and money for the computer she so wanted in early days, were two gifts she loved, and well worth my then struggle to provide.

I think encouraging them, when they are focused on fears of "not enough money, to provide cleaner for themselves will just disturb your Mom more.

Both parents are cognitively impaired. They aren’t the ones who should be making decisions for themselves. As you point out, they need more help but neither recognizes that.

They no longer understand what’s best for them, so it’s up to you to figure it out. A retirement place with stepped-up care from memory unit to skilled nursing facility would be my choice.

Good luck in this difficult situation.

Absolutely have the doctor order it if she trusts the doctor.

How cognitively impaired in your Mom? I'm asking because if it isn't much, she's able to make this decision for herself.

With my very elderly Aunt (who was also very independent but resistant to outside help) I told her the help was more for me because I was worrying about what all that work was doing to her; and I also asked her to name the 1 chore she hates doing the most and I could take it off her plate for her. You can do the math for her, and also ask her what is she saving her money for? Hopefully not to pass on to you (whether or not this is true, it may help to clarify this with her). You can tell her even you have cleaning help (this could be a "therapeutic fib").

In the end, you can't project your idea of what her final years should look like onto her. My own Mom is 94 and wears herself out gardening and cleaning but she's done that her whole life and it helps give her days purpose because she can't do much more than that now.

Ask the Hospice Social Worker or the Hospice Nurse to request a Volunteer that can come in and do light housecleaning.
Can they afford a cleaning person 1 time a month?
Does mom still manage all the bills?
If she is not doing all the bills and they can afford a cleaning person can you quietly arrange the cleaning service? You could say it is part of Hospice requirement and that the Volunteer will continue to clean.

ALL Hospice have to have Volunteers it is a Medicare requirement.

I guess the question is can your parents afford a housekeeper? If they can't they may be able to get some homemaker/companion hours paid for by Medicare.

Ask their doctor if he can order some homemaker/companion hours. It won't cost your parents anything if the doctor says they need it.
These are the people who do light housekeeping, run errands, and keep old people company.
Homeaker/companion are non-medical and do not do any hands-on care.