How do power of attorney and health care proxy work if possible together, what different authorities do each of them have?

Dahhhhhhh same thought here ... ... Sounds like your brother has done enough .... or he's not done yet or ....... could you have a "sit down" with .... "whoever" is in charge of you and your sister, mom or son cannot do ...... but why your brother and who else ... is he paid too much as assigned in his duty or paid at all. Supposed to if he's "on the ground" but it's either that ... That is my two cents ... based on 12 years of being who ... probably knows why he's NOT ASKING ANYBODY ... seems like anyway .... weird or just missing a lot of .... well, he just is missing out if he's getting a paycheck for working or he's found a lifelong career calling ... if he needed work or not retired. But, so far he is just ..... well anybody who knows he's doing his best if it's just under a year since probate ... Good luck but if you read what keeps missing ... is him when ONE POA was probably not just well accidentally unaware of what might happen to him? Or knows ... well ... you'll need more time or you already have your evidence ... if he doesn't keep his records and this can be set up however until a good deed too many ...

Re the reverse mortgage - I was going to do that for my mother who was 94, but there is a clause in the mortgage something to the effect that the person signing for the reverse mortgage has to reside in the home, and if they do not live there for 30+ days, then the entire reverse mortgage amount is due (i.e., you have to sell the house) and payable to the lender. THAT stopped me from pursuing that because I wasn't sure at what point I would have to make arrangements for my mother to live in an alf or, if she was hospitalized/rehab for longer periods of time.

dnajaras: Retain an elder law attorney.

Get an elder lawyer now and all should meet with together. If a trust is necessary to save her house do it now. All siblings can split that house. If she doesn‘t have a lot of money GET HER IN MEDICAID. In the future a nursing home will cost a lot. The brother should give up POA, and a lawyer can aid to get proper steps, proof with financial documents, speak with brother in person with family (note if he has burnout or ulterior motives), and get your mother protected. Every state is different, so get in touch also with council on aging, they often offer services to cut costs and get home help. It all can vary with whomever you speak so be vigilent, make calls, check facts and changes in the laws. Good luck for a peaceful and hopefully well organized plan together. We manage to keep my mother with alzheimers at home, it has been rough and cost money, I have changed my life to be her paid primary caregiver in her home, with a caregiving agency support on & off, but this has prolonged her quality of life at 86 and kept her as happy as possible! Your brother should visit a nursing home and know doctors know it shortens their lives, and is lonely, and the end of the line…home is where the heart is.

Your mother may be able to solve this if she is mentally competent. I’d ask what she wants. Then you can find out if she can withdraw POA and reassign it. She could make her wishes known and if they’re reasonable, the role of POA is to act in her best interests.

Sarah3; you can't always decide what's in the patient's best interests while ignoring reality.

There are only certain choices that are going to be on offer here. Having brother remain in the home proving care on his own MIGHT be what mom wants and the OP might think it's best, but the brother isn't willing to provide his services any longer.

So the OP is going to have to make choices based on what the mom's financial resources will allow for

I have my family as an example of how we worked it out. It wasn't perfect nor can everyone do this.

There seems to be a lot of animosity on both sides that I think needs to get worked out.

What type of POA does your brother have for your mother? Is it a DPOA or a “springing” POA. If the POA that your brother has is a “springing” POA then your mother has a say in what she wants done for her care currently. If your brother has DPOA, then the “springing” POA is the one that is currently effective because your mother is not incapacitated. A DPOA only becomes effective when your mother becomes incapacitated.

Do you know if he’s in debt himself? Do you have reason to believe his agenda could be to sell her home? A poa has to do what is in her best interest. If she only has mild cognitive decline and wishes to remain in her home ( which also enhances and helps one’s mental state- drastic changes such as being placed in a facility are correlated with increase in decline). Have you tried to discuss with him why he’s determined to have her move out to a facility? If he’s not making decisions in her best interest although not fast or simple he can be removed as trustee. I would ask him to show you the financials from 1-2 years ago along with the current financials.

Have you had an honest conversation with your brother asking him about burnout? If he admits it, that may be the underlying issue. In that case, since 24-7 care is already in place, he should move out. If you've had an honest chat about Mom's money, he needs to actually SHOW you the financials. If he refuses, I would be suspicious of his motives.

I fail to see how a reverse mortgage is achievable if the homeowner is incacitated, particularly if there is a soon to be admittance into a facility.

Some of these documents carry different responsibilities and accountability based on wording and in different geographic areas. Hence, to get your most accurate answer, confer with an Elder Law Attorney, have the present documents assessed and, go forward with legal direction. This may well support and protect all parties including the patient best. The patient is vulnerable and fragile. Family dynamics are affected by many many different ways and circumstances and, can often get in the way .......

My brother held financial POA and all 3 of us held HC POA.

My brother did all the heavy lifting as he lived closest to mom when she was at home, in IL and ultimately in a NH.

I deferred to him in decision making, since he knew her finances and he was the only one who had even the remotest possiblity of being able to house her.

It would not occur to me to try to decide that it was "best" for my mom to remain in her home with care coming in if I wasn't on the scene to supervise, step in in the case of a call out.

Since mom has been deemed incompetent to make medical decisions, it seems like it's up to the POAs (all of them ( to determine where mom is best housed and cared for.

I think you should talk to your brother about what sort of facility he has in mind and how it will be paid for.

I think I may have said this before. I don't think u understand what your responsibilities are as Medical POA. I think both u and brother need to consult with an attorney to see what they are. This is why, both POAs should be held by the same person.

IMO brother holds the purse strings so he would be the one to admit Mom to a facility knowing her financials. Your responsibility is to speak with Moms doctors and make sure they are abiding by her wishes. If there is a decision to make concerning Moms health, then u make it based on what you know Mom would want. You also speak to the nurses at the facility concerning Moms health needs.

With a person having a GENERAL full POA that usually trumps a MPOA in a lot of states. The general POA is often put in charge of ANYTHING that has a financial component to it.

This has been I think an ongoing problem for you?

The best way to settle things when there are two people with legal powers is to attend an attorney together and sort this out. We as members of a Forum, often from other states and other countries would be of very little help to you in instances where there is disagreement and legal papers in place for your both. Do see an attorney. It's my opinion that your brother, will general POA will prevail. But the only way to know is to check on it. Legal questions require expert advice.

Sounds like after 10 years your brother is burned out and can’t live with Mom anymore .

Knowing why he can’t live with her anymore and what his living plans are if Mom goes in a facility would be helpful to you . Start talking .

How will the facility be paid for?

When was the last time you saw your mom? I mean, stayed a few days and observed her condition?

How does it benefit brother to place mom? Doesn't he then lose his rent free place?

Does he have a facility picked out?

Why doesn't mom change POA to someone else if she doesn't agree with him?

Note I have suggested mediation or a geriatric case manager which the social worker thinks is a great idea. My brother, the POA, is totally against this. I think he is burned out as he is the sibling closest to home. But he sends us nasty texts and emails. I understand burnout but nasty texts, emails, and degrading comments are tough to deal with.