Repeating ourselves.

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dressage49 Asked October 2023

Repeating ourselves.

Hello,
Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this: Mom asks a question..I answer and she says “What?” (She’s not hard of hearing it’s a habit from when we were young- we used to all joke about it back then.. )…So I answer her again thinking okay, maybe she didn’t hear me..and then comes the backlash.
“Stop repeating yourself!!” She says in a loud voice…Then she starts getting aggressive… and complaining about me and how she’s tired of me repeating myself (now I’m starting to pay more attention to how I answer her and I just give short answers.)
So now if she says “What?” I just tell her oh it’s not important and either walk away or change the subject which stops her from becoming
aggressive. Anyone else going through this and how did you handle it?? Thanks for reading my post.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Communication & Language Dementia Behaviors

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score 2 · Answer 1

You say this has been her lifelong habit?
I would still have the hearing tested if she's willing. I will say that no matter the outcome, few seniors find hearing aids they can learn to love.

As this is a lifelong habit, only the aggression and anger is new. That could be from some dementia. It could be depression. It could be just the usual getting out of sorts with those we live with and are used to.

I would say that this isn't at all uncommon. If the level of complaints stay here and with this one issue, that's pretty minor, but if you find aggression and acting out is a problem that's for discussion with MD. Again, much depression, common in age as we lose a little of ourselves daily, manifests as anger. Some light anti-depressant may help. Or again, it may just be learning to live with it while you can live together. And knowing when you no longer really "can" live together.

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score 2 · Answer 2

Have you ever told her you are responding to her question of "What"? Every time I said something my father would say Huh? After he refused to buy the hearing aids I took him for (and missed work 3 times) I refused to repeat myself anymore.

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score 4 · Answer 3

It's like having a computer with a slower processing speed, it might take a few seconds for her to "get it". If you are sure she HAS heard and understood consider that the "what?" is just a place holder until she internalizes the information, in that case I'd carry on with the conversation as normal. If she specifically backtracks, asks for clarification or asks the same question again then you will know she didn't really hear and/or understand and/or she has lost the ability to remember (short term memory). That's all part of dementia.

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score 3 · Answer 4

You said its a long habit just answer once like you have been doing. Short and sweet.

Her mind has probably gone on to the next question in her mind when u answer the first one thats why the "what". I got this with my Mom but it was a "what" look. My Mom would get talking and it was anything that flitted thru her mind at the time. None of it made sense. After while I just let her talk. Once I did get "I guess no one is listening to me".😊

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Repeating ourselves.

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