How are you coping with your parent's loneliness?

For a long while, I felt bad about my mother being lonely. 😞

She’d complain about it, but wouldn’t ever take any steps to help herself. 😏

Sometimes, I would invite her to do things-volunteer in my classroom, meet people, etc. 🙂

Eventually, I gave up. She never took responsibility for her own socialization. 😫

Now, Mom is in memory care. She still talks about being “alone”. People are literally steps away from her room. Her answer now is, “I don’t mean “those” kind of people.”😩

I have to let it go. Otherwise, thinking about it makes me feel nutty. 🤪

The real question is ‘how is SHE coping with it?’. At 70, she probably has many years of life left. She needs to be in charge of her own life herself, working out how to find things for herself to do that fit in with the limitations she has to deal with. Acting as though you are the one who is responsible, is not going to do her any good at all, in fact will make things worse.

I’m 76, and I was shocked to read your post. How about you ask her for her plans?

P.S. Budef, if you feel mom is depressed which is causing her to hermit herself, see if you can talk to her doc about getting her on anti depressants. That's what I did with my mother and Wellbutrin helped her tremendously.

I am always mystified when one thinks they are responsible to make another happy as that cannot be done.

My mother is in AL, she uses a walker and joins in on everything, others are in wheelchairs they do as well.

If your mother is not in AL that well may be where she should be, she can make friends and participate in activities.

If all she has is hip problems she is lucky. And like said, there are things that can be done for hips. 70 is not old. I am 74. Mom has to find a way to resolve her lonliness. Medicare will help pay for wheelchairs and scooters. In my county there is Senior bussing and they provide day trips. Church is a great way to meet people and volunteer. Libraries have book clubs and other interesting things. But Mom needs to make the effort. You have a life of your own. Me, I am not an entertainer. I don't play cards or games. I will visit and I will take you shopping. You can't be everything to Mom.

AARP may still have a service of volunteers who call and make conversation with senior citizens. It's nationwide and maybe international. Check their website and find out.

Her age, 70, is nothing! My friend had a hip replacement 2 years ago at age 97. He recovered and at 99 he still plays golf sometimes, though not as much. Has your mom had hip replacement, and if so, did she complete therapy? I cant imagine why anyone would be incapacitated by hip problems at age 70 when there are so many techniques to fix them.

I would speak with your mother.
You are doing a lot of guesswork here. You apparently haven't discussed this at length with her.
I would be interested in hearing what she has to say.
You are looking at things from your own perspective. Hers may be very different.

I came here to say what Margaret said.

I took a 2 week trip to Croatia and Slovenia when I needed a hip replacement and had bone-on-bone pain to contend with. I brought a cane and did my best, and hung onto hubbys arm a lot. We had a blast.

If mom can sit down, she can join a book club or a senior center or any number of groups to stay in touch with others. Even if she has to travel in a wheelchair, elders get out and about ALL the time that way.

If mom is lonely, ask her what she plans to do about it?

Does your Mom partake of social media at all? You can, on Facebook, develop a solid friendship with a few people that keeps you learning and engaged. Might she be able to do that?

Have you or she discussed placement in ALF? For some the social outlet is the high point of all that with lots of activities and visiting.

Good Evening,

How about calling on the Church...you don't have to be out every night of the week joining activities but you just want people to notice if you are missing. The parishioners will come visit.

Loneliness and isolation are not good at any age. You didn't specify your mother's living arrangement. Breaking bread together is the best medicine.

There are "day" even 1/2 day morning programs. When my mother was able I would bring her once a week. There are also facilities that provide transportation--continental breakfast, hot lunch and exercise are usually provided. There is a fee. Your health insurance will cover physical therapy, speech and occupational therapy. There was an RN on duty at the facility my mother attended. I drove her to and from.

Prior to mother's decline, my mother attended daily Mass for as long as I can remember. She became very informed having been widowed at 56 years old. Parents married young so the 4 kids were adults when dad passed--thank the Lord. It was hard for her but she made a life and is now 85 years old.

Mom learned to maneuver the "Senior Citizen" centers...painting class on Tuesday, TaiChi on Wednesday and stuffed peppers on Friday.

I know when you're convalescent it's harder to get around. But, bring people in and not medical personnel but the neighbors, etc. Coffee, quiche and conversation go a long way. Every Sunday the Eucharistic Minister comes to visit mother with Communion, a Church Bulletin, a prayer and update on the latest happenings. Mother still gives her budget.

If mother doesn't belong to one, find a Church and register...you won't be sorry!

Every 5-6 weeks I call 2 of the Church ladies and we have coffee and quiche. We sit and chat for 2-3 hours and have a lot of laughs. I never have anyone refuse me. We are single, divorced, widowed and one with Dementia; we all need one another.

Their life becomes smaller when your loved one's health declines but you have to look at what you have left to work with right in your surrounding area.

Start with something small. The technology isn't enough. An UpWalker Lite gave my mother freedom. She was in bad shape during the Pandemic when the Lewy Body went full blown but has made strides with exercise and socialization.

I hope I was of some help to you. I know it's hard but take baby steps and get mother some fresh air too and a fresh bouquet of flowers at the market. Good walking shoes are a must and if your mother is able to get to the hairdresser's in town, what woman doesn't feel better coming out of the salon!