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Tiredniece23 Asked October 2023

My aunt was released from rehab but is refusing a nursing home. What can I do?

My cousin told me my aunt was released from rehab after knee surgery two weeks ago. She said she's "coming along". I seriously doubt that. I'm sure my aunt is still having the same issues she's had before the knee surgery. I'm surprised they released her so early.


I have tried to call my aunt since she's been home to see how she's doing. She doesn't answer. I don't want to call my cousin who lives near my aunt, because she'll get started on me to come and stay with aunt to help her out. My aunt made it clear to me that she is not hiring any more caregivers to help her out, even though she needs all the help she can get. Since my aunt's neighbor moved away, she is now all alone. She's got dementia, and mobility issues. She's not going to clean herself, her house, or feed herself. She wouldn't even let me help her when I was there with her months ago. I want to visit her, but last time I visited, her house was a filthy mess with mattresses soiled in all bedrooms and not to mention other hygienic problems there. I stayed with the neighbor until I had it professionally cleaned. Neighbor is no longer there, so nowhere to sleep.


We can't get aunt to agree to a nursing home. That's where she belongs. Now she hasn't any caregivers there, either. She clearly doesn't need to be alone, but she is. I have stepped away, but still am concerned and just want to get her into a nursing home. I don't think adult protection services will do it, and I no longer hold POA. I don't believe she has one.

Southernwaver Oct 2023
Check out from this situation, it has nothing to do with you. You can’t do anything so just walk away. Why do you keep wanting to insert yourself in an impossible situation? I’m genuinely curious.

LauraL271 Oct 2023
You should listen to these very knowledgeable people here; they have been through the CG mess and they know what they're talking about.

Stop borrowing trouble. Stay OUT of this situation and go on with your life.

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BarbBrooklyn Oct 2023
You can call APS and tell that you believe your aunt is unable to care for herself properly.

You might find out if discharged herself from rehab against Medical advise, which might have triggered the rehab to call APS.

You could all call her local police department to ask for a wellness check.

And finally, you could call her local Area Agency on Aging and ask their advice.

ConnieCaretaker Oct 2023
Court appointed guardian; make an appointment with a Elder Law Attorney in her area (Zoom).

anonymous1732518 Oct 2023
👍🏾 for the aunt

JoAnn29 Oct 2023
Tired, then say your just venting. You could not have asked the cousin what rehab Aunt was in. Is there that many in her area you could not have called around. APS cannot make anyone responsible for anyone else. You are 5 hrs away and just a concerned niece. Ask for a well visit. Then APS will evaluate and will need to make the decision to remove Aunt or find her resources. She is now on their radar. Then you have done what you could. If its found she can be on her own, then you have it in writing that APS has determined she can be on her own. If found she can't, then u tell APS when they call that the State will need to take over Aunts care. That you nor any of ur cousins can take on that care.

Its really nice that you have empathy for her. I could empathize with one of my Aunts, but there was no way I would ever care for her. She drove all her nieces and nephews up a wall.

Please do come back and tell us how you were able to handle this.

MargaretMcKen Oct 2023
Can’t you call APS anonymously? Whatever pressure Social Workers put on you, they can’t make you responsible. Neighbors can call APS when the mail isn’t collected, that certainly doesn’t make them responsible.

JoAnn29 Oct 2023
I am sure we have recommended APS several times. You are just assuming they won't help. You won't know until you call. Explain u live too far away to help and actually your Aunt needs more help than anyone can give her now in her home. She has no children just nieces and nephews that cannot quit jobs to care for her and she won't allow aides to help her. Could they please go in and evaluate her situation. You think there is some Dementia involved. She needs LTC. If APS doesn't work, there's Office of Aging and the health department.

You need to let this go. If anyone could be held responsible for ur Aunt, it would be the family that lives near her and they can't be held responsible either.

Did you call the SW at Rehab and tell her that releasing Aunt would be an unsafe discharge? Have you done anything that we have suggested? If not then I don't know what more we can do or say. We have suggested what has worked for us and others our suggestions have helped.
Tiredniece23 Oct 2023
Ok. I am just venting concerns. Sometimes it's nice to come here and vent. I did not know where she was in rehab to call, as I did not take her there. I get information from family who live close by. Also, according to some of the posts here, if I call APS, then I'm liable to be held responsible for her, which is out of the question.
I just merely wanted to express some concerns and vent. Sorry if I frustrate you. Thanks.
lealonnie1 Oct 2023
Don't borrow trouble. Your aunt is coming along, and that's all you need to know.

AlvaDeer Oct 2023
Geaton and Midkid are ABSOLUTELY correct.

Midkid58 Oct 2023
Geaton is right--

You're either IN or OUT in this kind of situation. One step IN and you may as well sign up for FT CG.

Thsi neighbor was kind to help you out. But sounds like your aunt is going to go back to the dynamic she was used to.

Let APS do their thing. It is maddeningly slow, and they have pretty 'low' standards, in my opinion about who is 'fine' to be left alone and who isn't.

I'd let the cousin handle things. This is not your mother, yet if APS gets wind of your involvement, they may reach out to you.

It's truly sad, but some people are perfectly happy living in filth and disorganization.

You cannot MAKE someone take care of themselves.

Geaton777 Oct 2023
Yes, APS will get guardianship of her, but on their timeline, not yours. You need to stay fully out or decide to be fully in. There's no middle ground here until she is placed in a facility. Make up your mind.

They might have released her early because she either checked herself out or she wasn't cooperating with PT, or not improving.

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