Our relationship has more than it's fair share of problems
the point where even the police have become involved. the
problem is my husband has a form of O.C.D. plus an
overdeveloped "PATHOLOGICAL LIEING" problem. He's
made false police reports just to preempt me. ok, that era
is over. But he is so narcissistic, having been wealthy
w/ servants/maids etc. most of his life, that he refuses
to do any clean up ,even of his own messes. When I
nag him about it, he threatens to abandon me,
(I'm disabled age 64) and therefore leave me to
instant homelessness and death. This constant
threat does not deter me. I'm consulted iwth his
family, the Elder Adult Protective Agency, his
primary doctor, no one ever helps us. He needs
occupational therapy in Home care, but he
refuses, too ashamed to admit his deficiencies.
I'm being exploited, burnt out, and need time
for my own needs. i don't want anyone coming
in here trying to force either of us to stay, leave
or whatever. Govt. agencies can be too controlling.
We have both applied to IHHS but doctors won't
cooperate, or the IHHS agency Medi-cal or Medicare
won't approve even though we have documentation.
I feel that Medi-cal, (Medi-caid) who is refusing us
this deserved and needed care are GUILTY OF
ELDER ABUSE AND NEGLECT " by not giving us
the care and assistance we deserve and are
entitled to as residents of CA and citizens of
this ever so corrupted country we call America
So how do we pressure the Doctors to sign
certification letters, and Get IHHS to cease and
desist in abusing us via sheer neglect?
3 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
About Me
I'm 62 disabled due to multiple injury,
arthritis, spinal, neck,shoulder, hip bursitis
. I'm in a lot of pain every day, but my
husband since day 1 five years ago
refuses to do any household work
, can not perform any duties, refuses
to clean up after himself, due to age
and dementia and mental illness, and
sheer abusive cruelty, psychological
blackmail. So i went away for 2 weeks,
and he incurred a serious home
infestation of roaches, spiders, rats
, mice. and I am burnt out trying to
keep up with his laziness/slovenliness.
i've asked his family and elder
services for help, but they all
l refuse, or can't force him to
do these things. He needs
occ. ther. and I've been doing
that 24/7 5 years/ 365. now i'ts
too much for me. he threatens
to abandon me if I continue
nagging him. he's had a nuerologist
do brain scans/test and YES, he has
brain damage from 4 strokes, 3
recently, lost all memory of protocol,
manners, no conscience, totally
malignant narcissistic personality
disorder...but we are partners in an
on stage comedy act...that's why i
love him. but I'm not able to care for
myself anymore due to his high
demand for a personal janitorial
valet.LOL a social worker is
coming from A.P. Serv. but I'm
afraid they might force us apart,
remove he or I from our home,
due to the obvious abusive nature
of his behavior as a deterent to
my own health.
Both of us are educated, He a J.D.l
me a teacher/writer/investigative
journalist/actor/singer/composer but
semi-retired. Both of us have applied
to IHHS from Medi-Cal / Medicare,
but doctors won't cooperate and IHHS
denies every application , 5 in total that
even my Primary Dr. approved 5 yrs ago.
it's not that i can't do everything, but I'm
in pain, and I've been working for hi 14
hrs. day, with no social life, just total
martyrdom. I need a break, and he's
getting worse. 50% illness/ 50% intentional
infliction of involuntary servitude on me.
******************************
I think it would behoove you to relax with the drama and exaggerated stories and focus a bit.
Hire a housekeeper for instance. Nobody can force "involuntary servitude" on you without your consent.
Nobody's home will get infested with "roaches spiders rats and mice" in a 2 week period of time.
Why did you call APS if you're afraid the social worker will force you two apart?
You have rights in CA to communal property as a married woman, or as a common law wife if your not legally married. You can't be thrown out w/o legal recourse. Besides, what would become of the act?
You have a job as "an on stage comedy act" amongst other things, perhaps you make too much money to qualify for MEDICAID, in LA, where you live 😑
I suggest you use you own resources to pay for whatever care you need, even if that means selling your home and downsizing to a more easily
maintainable condo or the like.
Best of luck to you.
If you are legally married, you are entitled to something of your marital estate, and if he leaves you, divorce him and get what you are entitled to.
That’s one of the advantages of living in the United States of America. We have laws. Your post and all the unnecessary and untrue commentary has so annoyed me that I’ll quit here.
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I see that you have tried many avenues, many agencies, and you feel that they are all unable to help you in any way
I am wondering what you might think we as a Forum from around the country and around the world might suggest that you haven't tried? I can't think of anything, myself. I hope that others will.
You describe yourself as disabled, but you tell us little about what that disability is. I can only suggest you consult a divorce area about separation of finances and a possible physical seperation from this man. I wish you the best best of luck.