What advice do you have for managing a loved one with dementia, who resists a diagnosis and digs in when pushed?

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BELyons Asked October 2023

What advice do you have for managing a loved one with dementia, who resists a diagnosis and digs in when pushed?

It is apparent to me and everyone who knows him that my husband has some form of dementia and he knows it, too, sometimes. I got him to a neurologist once, but when he was confronted with a series of tests for a diagnosis, he freaked and insisted he did not want to do that. If there is one thing I’ve always known about him is that the best way to get him to do something is to tell him not to. He is very willfull. He, also, has a history of depression. He insists he is happy these days, but I fear what will happen if I push. Can doctors do anything meaningful to help him that would make it worth that fight? Any advice on any of this is very much appreciated.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Depression Refusing Care Spouse

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score 0 · Answer 1

If he isn’t on antidepressants, discuss with his doctor. The right meds might make things easier for you.

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score 2 · Answer 2

Thank you all for your advice and input. It was all helpful and I realize how much I have to learn.

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score 5 · Answer 3

OP, you might like to look at the thread running at the moment headed 'My husband refuses to believe he has mild cognitive impairment or dementia. Diagnosed in April. When he gets angry and asks why?'. Some of the strategies might interest you, whether or not they are successful.

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score 4 · Answer 4

You just enjoy every day you have with him, before his dementia gets much worse, as guaranteed it will.
There is no cure for any of the dementias(yes there are 100's)and all doctors can do is prescribe medications for some of the varied symptoms, but NOTHING cures it or stops it's progression.
You can also make sure that you both have your medical and durable POA's in order,(because when your husband gets too far along in his dementia, he no longer will be able to legally appoint anyone)along with your will.
I see no point in pushing the issue and upsetting your husband. He is more than aware that he's having issues and I'm sure it scares him to death.
Just be there and support him along this difficult journey. And make sure that you educate yourself about this horrible disease, so you will be better prepared for what lies ahead. And get involved in a local caregiver support group. There's nothing better than being able to share with others who know exactly what you're going through.
Wishing you well.

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score 3 · Answer 5

Nothing much is done for dementia, really. My mother had vascular dementia for 6 years and the only thing the neurologist suggested was a follow up appointment with her downtown. What for, since she did NOTHING for moms dementia or neuropathy in the hospital ANYWAY?

Her PCP prescribed Ativan to calm her down when she was Sundowning, but no meds specifically for dementia. Also Wellbutrin for depression.

Mom had anosognosia anyway, which is when a person doesn't believe or accept that they have a health condition like dementia they've been diagnosed with.

You'd need a formal diagnosis of one of the dementias if hubby had to go into Memory Care Assisted Living, for instance.

Best of luck to you.

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I agree. I would myself be joining a support group for myself at this point, whether on line or in real life. Because this will progress.

(3)

score 1 · Answer 6

OP, perhaps you could be a bit clearer (with us and also with yourself) about what you actually want that would help? A diagnosis is just words on a bit of paper. It doesn’t really change anything. What do you want to change?

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Well, I guess I want to know if there is a good reason to push him to get the diagnosis. From what I have read and from folks with whom I’ve talked, it does not seem that doctors have much in their bag of tricks that would be helpful. I understand that he may need medication to help with anxiety and mood swings. He currently takes Wellbutrin and sometimes Inderall that his GP prescribes for him. If there is a reason that I should push him to go through a series of tests that he clearly does not want to do, what might it be?

(1)

score 6 · Answer 7

In my experience this is not unusual for a man, don't forget, he was raised to believe that he is the problem solver, the chief muck idy muck.

Time will take care of this, you will just need the patience to deal with him in the meantime.

I have little faith in all the "Neurologist" stuff, they never told me anything of any value in regard to my husband or stepmother. My brother & I paid attention and figured it out ourselves as to how to deal with them.

IMO, it is not worth the fight, so what if it is confirmed that he has dementia??? You already know that and there is nothing they can do for him.

There is no cure, no happy endings.

Sending support your way.

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Good advice.

(0)

What advice do you have for managing a loved one with dementia, who resists a diagnosis and digs in when pushed?

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