How to train to pee in diaper, 86 year old Mom?

I own a boutique home healthcare agency in Boca Raton, FL, and for my clients who are incontinent at night, I suggest they look into a Purewick External Catheter. It sucks up urine and keeps the client clean and dry.

You can find more information on their website, www.purewickathome.com. (And for the haters, I do not work for Purewick; I don't get a commission, kickback, or fee for posting this.)

In caring for my mother (96), I've learned that it is ingrained not to urinate in your pants, even in the throes of dementia.

Even when I've told her to pee in her diaper, she will refuse and who can blame her? I probably wouldn't either, to be honest.

The only time that she will urinate in her diaper - which also has a thick nighttime pad in it - I use TENA brand - is when she is sound asleep and her brain/bladder connection doesn't alert her.

My mother has to be escorted to the bathroom every time but when she's awake during the day, sitting in the kitchen it's not so bad. It's just how things are.

So. In order to get some sleep - for both of us - I now have liquid Ativan that I can give her if she gets up more than one time and becomes anxious in the night. A tiny squirt in the cheek (.01 ml) and it's night-night. It's been a life saver. She doesn't need it every night - only those nights when it becomes obvious that her brain is on fire.

Peace.

She may be unable to do this. Some cannot "let it go" in this position.
Running water that she can hear (a problem if she is in bed) or a huge deep breath in letting it slowly out through the mouth and relaxing as she does so may help if anything will.

Much as I hate to say it, you may need to discuss indwelling catheter with doctor or she may retain urine in her bladder and end with serious infection. Of course the catheter poses this danger as well. And in all truth the mere fact of pelvic injury predisposes your Mom to infection. There are few things as painful with slight movements as pelvic fracture, and another fall could be a danger. Have a bedside commode at the ready so you can "bring the bathroom to her" instead of her moving to it. But this is going to take some time, and during this time your mom is in danger of infection. I would check urine with dipstick frequently.

If she CAN make it to the toilet and the problem is an inability to stand again then a height adjustable commode or a toilet seat riser as well as grab bars may be the answer.

At her age, it feels "wrong" to urinate into a brief, most likely. We had the same issue w my father who refused to go in his Depends and would sometimes crawl to the bathroom. Honest to God. I can't tell you how many times I spoke to him about the necessity of peeing in the blasted Depends, he just said it was wrong. Period.

I don't think you can "train" your mom to do something she refuses to do. They get extremely pig headed about the few things left they CAN control at this stage of life, and this may be an example of one.

Plan to take turns getting up with her during the night or use moms funds to hire an overnight caregiver. Once you tell her that plan, she may decide she WANTS to pee in her brief! 🤣😂

Best of luck to you.

Put a big ol pad in there if you haven’t yet and tell mom it’s like having a period. If that doesn’t work, try a pure wick.

You don't mention if she has dementia or is incontinent. It doesn't sound like she is either. However, since she has a pelvic fracture from which she is healing she may need a night time caregiver. If she were in a care facility, it would be a violation of resident's rights to tell her to go to the bathroom in a diaper because it doesn't promote dignity nor is it what she desires. Therefore, she either has to have assistance going to the toilet if it doesn't obstruct the healing process, or she can be encouraged to use a bedpan, or a catheter type wick. A bedside commode may also make the whole process easier.

Do not lift your mother up out of the bed unless you want to become disabled.

We've had the same challenge with our 102 year old mom after her recent hip fracture.

IF your mother isn't deaf or demented, you could just write a note DAILY before bedtime e re.minding her that IF IT'S DARK IN YOUR ROOM THAT MEANS ITS LATE AT NIGHT AND WE ARE SLEEPING!--SO JUST PEE YOUR DIAPER!

ITS OK TO DO SO ! YOU HAVE ON RUBBER PANTS SO IT WONT RUIN THE BED!

WE NEED OUR SLEEP IN ORDER TO HELP YOU DURING THE DAY.

SO IF ITS DARK IN YOUR RIOOM, WE ARENT AWAKE YET. JUST PEE IN
YOUR DIAPER!

ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN FALLING AGAIN TRYING TO USE THE TOILET!

A bedside commode will probably do it.
I cannot agree with encouraging someone who is not incontinent to urinate themselves. It’s one thing to assure them it’s ok so they don’t rush to the toilet and get hurt. But otherwise it is not in their best interest. Other options should be explored.
Wishing you and your mom the best in figuring this out.