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Executor66 Asked November 2023

Probate nightmare as executor in NY, anyone else?

Mom passed 8/1/22 will stated share alike me executor 2 brothers and 1 sister. As executor of mom’s estate I got to pay funeral bill (over $10,000) and taxes, utilities and maintain mom’s house out of my retirement money until receiving fiduciary letter form Probate Court which I received 12/20/22 and opened Estate Account with bank! During this time before letter sister slowly emptied house and our agreement was to let her family go thru estate and get whatever month of Sept, and Oct 1 my family would go thru! Oct 1 house emptied except for items in basement and items in garage! I changed locks and garage door code! Oct 2 Locks changed on me and garage door broken into breaking chain and basement emptied. Police called (civil matter), lawyer called stated we will file paperwork to return property Oct 17. All a shame Dec 20 received letter! Called attorney he stated sell house and move on what's items worth a couple hundred dollars? Court does not want to hear family feuds! Mom’s will stated share? Why have a will? Courts are behind he stated! When I went to attorney’s office to finalize estate he questioned me on $3.54 missing in estate checking (Laughable) (Oh bank said checks where free but they charged me $3.54) I stated you can steal everything in house and Executor Accountable for $3.54? SAD! Lawyer charged over $11,000 to email forms to Probate Court because Estate was over $50,000 yes over $50 thousand you need attorney check your State! Call your Senator, Assembly like I did to Raise Decades old Laws! Get Government (Lawyers) out of my Business! Sister didn't end here stay tuned! Part 2: sister is executor of aunt (mom’s sister)

Fawnby Nov 2023
Many states don’t have long waits for probate. I’ve been told that New York and California are two of the worst! So it might make sense to have a trust in a state such as those, but in other states it isn’t necessary.

Before creating a trust, which costs money up front, find out what probate situation is in your state. (Lawyers love trusts because of the upfront money, according to my BIL and best friend, both lawyers.)

olddude Nov 2023
Since when is breaking and entering a civil matter? I thought stealing was a crime? Do the police know for certain that it was a family member that broke the locks and emptied the basement? Did they even bother investigating? For all you know strangers broke into the house. And since when are family members allowed to steal stuff out of someone else's home?

The police in your area sound incompetent.
igloo572 Nov 2023
Bet the cops viewed that the Sister who the OP stated “broke in” actually had either standing for the distribution of assets of an Estate in probate, so she showed the cops a copy of the will with her name as a heir or Sissy has a drivers license with the house listed as her address. The latter is what I’d be way waAaAy more worried about.

If it’s the latter, this morphs into a much bigger issues as Sissy would be a tenant, not a squatter or trespasser. If Sissy is a tenant then the OP would have to go through however NyS does evictions and pay for the costs to do an eviction and then show at the hearings that it’s justified. If it’s family drama, judge can toss it out. In my area, eviction takes at least 6 months if not more. Really hard to evict a tenant.

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JoAnn29 Nov 2023
I so hope you reimbursed yourself for the funeral expenses. I would think the funeral home could have waited for their money until the Executor was able to get a short certificate for getting to the money. Its not unusual for them to wait for insurance to be paid.

My neighbor did the best thing when they broke up her Moms home before the house sold. The family got together and each person picked an items they wanted. She then put a sticky, with their name, on the item they wanted. I guess if 2 people wanted the same thing, it was discussed. Then each person left with the item with their sticky on it.

So sorry you went thru this. TG my Mom didn't have much. I was cleaning out her home before she passed. I don't think my brothers knew about her cultured pearls Dad bought her years before. My daughter, her oldest and closest grandchild, got them. (I am the oldest and only daughter) That was probably the only thing worth anything that she had.

AlvaDeer Nov 2023
I too am sorry to hear about the drama.
And I will be frank with you that for me it wouldn't be worth it.
I would not serve as executor in such a matter and would resign the position. THEN let the lawyer gobble up the whole estate, which he or she will happily do.
I would not be up for this kind of worry and argument, but that's just me. I would leave it to the other heirs and move on.

Hothouseflower Nov 2023
Sorry to hear about your family drama. The elder care lawyer I am working with in NYC said probate is really behind, it is now years to get through probate in New York. He said it is so bad he no longer does estate work.

Lesson here for everyone, your parents' houses should be put into revocable trusts so that you avoid lengthy probate.

My parents' planning for their old age was an epic fail, but at least they did that.

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