Mom and dad.

POA here is irrelevant. The caregiver is involved in unethical behavior and needs to be reported to her agency and immediately removed from your parents' employ.

I haven't read the other responses here, but I do see you had a discussion with your dad. I'd ask to check his bank and credit card statements and if anything isn't right, then you call the police and alert his bank and credit reporting agencies immediately.

No ethical caregiver should have a personal relationship with a client. Period. Full Stop.

Tough situation for you and your siblings. My mother was convinced my father was going to marry their housekeeper when she died. Instead, the young lady asked my dad to give her away at her own wedding a year later and told me that to her, he was like the grandfather she'd had as a child and left behind when she came to the US. But for a while, I took mom's suspicions to heart and was very uncomfortable when dad included the housekeeper in activities when we were there. Not a good feeling at all.

I agree that a lawyer is needed.

I agree the care giver agency needs to be contacted about this "in-home care givers" unprofessional behavior.

You don't start a relationship with the husband of the wife you were hired to care for.

If the care giver was on the up and up she would have removed herself from moms care because of this relationship instead of behaving like a prostitute and getting paid to take care of mom and dad too.

As it is the daughters need to tell the care giving agency they want her removed from moms care and a new care giver put in her place.

I think the opinion of your Dad's (now ended?) relationship with the caregiver depends on what filter is on one's lens.

In my family, a "very highly recommended" privately hired caregiver took our relative for everything he had (he was an elderly bedbound -- and wealthy -- stroke victim). My cousin was this man's PoA and thought the caregiver was just a lovely person so didn't pay enough attention to what was going on. Predators know exactly what buttons to push on naive people to engage their trust. She literally even took his dog and disappeared.

Even though your Dad's tryst is now hopefully in the past, just the fact that this woman was nearly 20 years younger (red flag, sorry not sorry to anyone who thinks otherwise) and didn't respect a moral/ethical boundary while on the job would cause me to fire her in a nano minute. Many financial abusers of the elderly are very experienced predators but often it can be a crime of opportunity -- and your Dad is ripe for this scenario.

That being said, it's totally understandable that your Dad may be lonely so help him find healthy, safer outlets for this need. But he could also be losing his own sense of judgment due to the beginnings of dementia (which happens little by little). He is 79. It's totally possible.

I wish you success in managing their care, and peace in your heart that you're doing your very best.

I read some of the advice here. The question I'd be asking myself if I were you is, what happens if you report this to the agency without talking with your dad first? Can you be sure it would be an anonymous report? If he finds out you instigated her removal, is he going to be so angry with you that he limits your visitation or even revokes POA? That seems extreme, and you know your dad's personality and I don't. But consider what he might do if you go behind his back and try to get the CG removed or seek legal control of your mom without talking to him first.

This is messy. But I think seeking understanding and cooperation with your dad - even if that's the last thing you feel like doing - is the best first move. Can you discuss with him to find out how strong his feelings are for her and how serious he views this relationship? Can you tell him how you feel in terms of this being a "conflict of interest" without cussing him out? Tell him the CG must go, and you hope he understands why.

I feel for you.

*Ope. Just read the part about your planned discussion with your dad. I hope it went better than you expected.

The OP is her Mother's durable POA. It's her duty to act in her MOTHER'S best interests, since her mom is in need of care.

Yes, dad has cheated before and mom chose to turn a blind eye. But this is not simply a mistress. This is someone charged with administering mom's meds and providing intimate care, I presume.

There is a non-zero chance of the caregiving neglecting or harming mom. There is also a non-zero chance that Dad's judgement is impaired and he's being snowed and fleeced by this woman.

That's what I'm seeing.

Geaton
And then there was my uncle who married his wife’s live in CG two years after his wife passed. He was 83. She was 57.

They were married until he passed at 94. Very happily married. She has not remarried.

She has been a real blessing to my family.

I have no idea when their relationship began but she was a live in for several years before his first wife passed.

I hope that all his/their financial information is not accessible to him or to the caregiver.
Secure anything that has any personal information in/on it.
If you think that your mom is at risk for being harmed by either your dad or any of the caregivers you remove her and place her in Assisted Living. (Memory Care if that would be more appropriate.)

How did you learn of this relationship?
Do you know how far it has progressed?

You can request that this caregiver be replaced by another.
If you are asked you can tell the agency what you have learned if you are 100% sure that this is happening. If there is any doubt at all then just say that "there is a personality conflict".
You can tell your dad that you are asking that this person be replaced and why.

You’ve already received wise advice, I’m just sorry you’re in this position. It would break my heart as well. Hope the talk with dad goes better than expected

There's an update from the OP about 45 minutes ago, buried in a response to someone. They have apparently had a conversation with the dad:

"Thank you for your advise. We did dad. We had a conversation and he promised, he'll take care of it. We are giving him sometime and then check again. He knows what he is doing is wrong but more important, he knows, we'll intervine if we feel my mom is not well taking care of.

lary casey."