Sold mom's home because it was vacant and mom has dementia.

We sold our family home. I was incredibly hard to do. I did tell my mom. She was upset. However, I made a memory book of the home. I took pictures and created a hard bound book of memories for her. I found that within a couple of months she did not recognize it at all.

Letting our family home go was much harder for me (and my brother) than it was for her. Within a few weeks she had no memory of it after living there 50 years.

I would do what keeps your mom happy and calm. That is your highest priority now.

A White Lie never Hurt any One .

There is no benefit to telling her any truths at this point if they will upset her.
Not being truthful to people with dementia is fine. In fact many times it's more of a kindness than a lie.

Tell her she still has a house. Tell her whatever makes her happy at this point.

I think my mom would be ok with the house being sold as she’d wanted to sell and move before she got sick. She’d be happy knowing nice people were in it, enjoying it like she had until she was ready to do something different. So many others are not like that though, which is also ok.

I agree with whomever said you probably instinctively knew which path to take with her.

Even though she bought the house long after I was an adult and I never lived in it, cleaning it out was so hard. She was fairly minimalist, so I didn’t face the chaos so many here do, but she was everywhere in the house. Even my dog and my cat and her cat are buried there. I grieved endlessly. People were all cheerful and let’s get ‘er done, and I’d go in dragging my feet up the steps like a 3 year old sent to bed after being told Santa was a filthy lie. I told myself it was hard and sad, it was supposed to be hard and sad because I love her, but hard and sad don’t last if I let the emotions in and processed them.

Best wishes as you go through this difficult time.

I wouldn't say anything. You are not telling her so that you don't cause her distress. You do not have an ulterior motive, you are not trying to cheat her, so do not feel guilty about it.

We may be selling my parents' house in the foreseeable future. My parents seem to be resigned to the house being sold, we've talked about it. I just wish they downsized years ago and did not leave this to us. Let's pile this on to everything else I am dealing with right now.

Cleaning this house out will be a massive task, it's daunting. My parents lived in that house since 1962 so there's lotsa stuff.

Personally, I think that you have made the right decision. As the POA for my stepmother, we sold her house, she asked about it once and totally forgot about ever living there.
She asked, we responded that it would be put up for sale and that we would tell her when we did that, she said "Ok" and never mentioned it again.

I think you should be pleased with yourself for being so kind to your mother by sparing her from any additional stress.

You’re absolutely right to feel that it may have been difficult for her to hear the truth.

Your assessment of her not being able to fully understand what is going on is correct.

I realize that you feel badly about not being able to be completely honest with your mom. That’s natural because it isn’t in your make up to intentionally deceive others.

There are always going to be conflicting emotions as we continue on in our caregiving journey. I know that I felt a range of emotions when I was caregiving for my parents.

Wishing you peace through this challenging time in your life.

One of your responsibilities as a son, PoA, caregiver, care manager is to keep your LO calm. Dementia robs them of their ability to use reason, logic and memory and therefore they become less and less able to bring themselves to a state of acceptance or peace -- us using therapeutic fibs to help them achieve calm is perfectly moral and acceptable. Please have peace in your heart that you are doing the right thing for her benefit.

I think you instinctively make the best decision knowing what you know, or suspect about the amount of trauma Mom would suffer for no good reason. Try to make her a scrapbook of the home and happy memories. I am so sorry.

BIL went to a group home due to his dementia. His POA sold his car to a family member and told BIL it had been sold. BIL kept telling POA to start the car regularly and to take it to the car wash. So everyone went along with BIL and assured him that all his requests about the car had been fulfilled. He never remembered that it had been sold. Say whatever it takes to put them at ease. It’s the kindest thing to do.

Yes, I sold Moms home. It was up for sale before she passed but did not sell until after she passed. Yes, I was raised there and Mom lived there 60 yrs. It needed work when they bought it. Dad went on disability at 52. Mom was his caregiver. So no money to fix it up. Dad died, really no money to fix it up. I was sorry that I did not have the money to fix it up, but it wascan albatross around my neck. Man bought it for the property and tore it down to build his own house.