I am going out overnight, should I tell my mom I will be gone?
I am my mothers caregiver 24\7. She is very attached to me and usually freaks out if I'm just to the store. That is another subject, I would like to address in the future.
Thanks for clarifying that someone is with Mom when you are gone. I would, when leaving, be honest about where I am going, when I will be home, and that ___________will be there to help out with everything. The distress is part of her attachment and shadowing and there is likely not a lot you can do about it other than to do what we caution folks with pets with attachment problems to do: treat it rather matter-of-factly. Not a lot of talk of it. Brief calm explanation when you leave. Brief hello when you return as tho all this is the most natural and normal thing in the world. Not a lot helps at times. Not everything can be fixed. Life must go on. You understand why you are getting the reaction and what it's all about, and that little can be done about it. So basically leave mom in safe hands and get on with it. Leaving less is perhaps not helping so try to leave a bit more for short periods, so that mom gets the idea you do leave and you do return. What you have in a pet with separation anxiety is a lot similar to what you have in an elder. The pet doesn't really have the cerebral cortex to reason things out in their brains, and the elder has the cerebral cortex but cannot any longer use it to reason things out.
Alva, you are so right . You know exactly what I am talking about and your advice is absolute truth . I have told her in the past she cannot come with me , and in hindsight I see she takes it better than when I just leave . I laugh at the pet reference , because it is true ! You are a wise soul , thank you for helping me see things a bit clearer , it gets hazy in here sometimes :)
Sinceu have people that will be with her she knows, I may just say "Mom going out for a bit, will see u in a little while" They have no conception of time.
Thank you everyone for your opinions, I really appreciate you taking the time to help me. I would just like to make it clear there is always someone with mom, I never leave her alone. My husband and I live here with her , and he stays with her if I cant take her with me. Perhaps I should put that in my profile ? So yes my son will be here and my step sister will be staying overnight with her. She is about 5th,maybe early 6th stage ...she is becoming a bit verbal and unpredictable at times now. Sundowning is definitely a challenge .
What happens when you leave for the store? Is she alone during this time or do you have someone staying with her while you are out?
Does she calm down after you leave?
You say in your profile that you had a helper at one time but she quit after your shoulder surgery.
Make sure that you have dependable help before you go. Maybe you should do a test run before you leave to spend the night out. Have them sit with your mom for a few hours and see how it goes.
There are some facilities that you can place your mom in for a temporary stay. Call a few assisted living facilities in your area to acquire information. Maybe you could expand your time away and take a vacation.
I’m assuming that you will have someone staying with your mom.
I have no idea how I would feel if I were in your shoes. My mom didn’t have Alzheimer’s disease. She had Parkinson’s disease. She had dementia towards the latter part of her life.
All caregivers grow weary. I know that I did. My mom died a couple of years ago at age 95.
I am glad that you are taking a break. Everyone deserves to have a break from caregiving. Enjoy your time away from your mom.
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I would, when leaving, be honest about where I am going, when I will be home, and that ___________will be there to help out with everything.
The distress is part of her attachment and shadowing and there is likely not a lot you can do about it other than to do what we caution folks with pets with attachment problems to do: treat it rather matter-of-factly. Not a lot of talk of it. Brief calm explanation when you leave. Brief hello when you return as tho all this is the most natural and normal thing in the world.
Not a lot helps at times. Not everything can be fixed. Life must go on. You understand why you are getting the reaction and what it's all about, and that little can be done about it. So basically leave mom in safe hands and get on with it. Leaving less is perhaps not helping so try to leave a bit more for short periods, so that mom gets the idea you do leave and you do return. What you have in a pet with separation anxiety is a lot similar to what you have in an elder. The pet doesn't really have the cerebral cortex to reason things out in their brains, and the elder has the cerebral cortex but cannot any longer use it to reason things out.
you are so right . You know exactly what I am talking about and your advice is absolute truth . I have told her in the past she cannot come with me , and in hindsight I see she takes it better than when I just leave . I laugh at the pet reference , because it is true ! You are a wise soul , thank you for helping me see things a bit clearer , it gets hazy in here sometimes :)
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Does she calm down after you leave?
You say in your profile that you had a helper at one time but she quit after your shoulder surgery.
Make sure that you have dependable help before you go. Maybe you should do a test run before you leave to spend the night out. Have them sit with your mom for a few hours and see how it goes.
There are some facilities that you can place your mom in for a temporary stay. Call a few assisted living facilities in your area to acquire information. Maybe you could expand your time away and take a vacation.
What stage is your mom’s Alzheimer’s disease?
Warning Mom ahead of time may work - or increase anxiety. You know her best.
Maybe your replacement comes in, quick chat, you confidently wave goodbye & slide out.
Or is this a covert sneak out?
Would Mom panic? Call you? Demand you return? Or be unable to call you? Leave home in the night to look for you?
PS How do you know how Mom is coping/not coping when you visit the store? Is this reported by her, by someone else, or camera?
PPS Yes you do need time away! Let's problem solve so you can.
I have no idea how I would feel if I were in your shoes. My mom didn’t have Alzheimer’s disease. She had Parkinson’s disease. She had dementia towards the latter part of her life.
All caregivers grow weary. I know that I did. My mom died a couple of years ago at age 95.
I am glad that you are taking a break. Everyone deserves to have a break from caregiving. Enjoy your time away from your mom.