My partner has terminal cancer. We are interested in hospice, but I am too old to do physical care like toileting, turning, bathing, etc.
My partner has no family members willing to be the primary caregiver, either. (His children are working full time in other states and can visit, but cannot remain to take on the primary caregiving role.) What to do?
My husband recently passed away. My sons and I agreed to have him transferred in an inpatient hospice in the time before he died. They took wonderful care of him until he passed. The family was allowed to visit and could even spend the night if desired. The most important thing you can do is to take care of yourself. Let others take care of him and you can be with him. ((((Hugs to you))))
What does your partner say he wants? Has he made any plans at all for taking care of himself in his old age or in this sad case of terminal illness?
The two of you should have a serious talk about what he wants to happen. IMO he needs to be in a facility where you can visit, oversee his care, and go home to a peaceful house after you're through for the day.
Find out how much money is available for care. What assets can he sell to pay for it? Talk with social workers, hospice, all the people available to help. If there are no assets and no money for this, help him to find a place where he'll get free care.
I know many women who are either widowed or divorced. They will not remarry because they aren't willing to or can't perform caregiving chores anymore. They are with "partners" and a number have said that if the guy gets sick, they won't be sticking around. No more for them.
It's up to you what you want to do. I'm sorry for this sad situation and wish you luck.
It has to be in facility care now. As currently in facility hospice is more rare than hen's teeth (it isn't the money maker that regular hospice is where family does all the work and hospice pockets huge sums from Medicare), your partner will have to be in an ALF with hospice, and almost certain, near the end, also with hired 24/7 caregivers. Just one year ago my good friend went home to die. She had hospice but that amounted to two bedbaths weekly, one RN sitting for an hour, and a call from clergy and a Social Worker who had no idea what she was doing. That an the magic medications. We had to find a way with her last funds to hire on two women, each taking a 12 hour shift. That was 20.00 an hour plus ordering in food, so do the math. Very very costly. I wish I had better ideas. When you interview hospice they will let you know the options.
Meanwhile it is to say to you I am very sorry for this coming loss and I wish you comfort and good care. I hope you will update us.
From someone who cared for my late husband who was completely bedridden the last 22 months of his life at home under hospice's care, I can tell you that hospice only provides about 1% of the daily required care while you will be required to do the other 99%. To start with hospice will send a nurse once a week to start to check your partners vitals and such, and aides to bathe him at least twice a week. They will also supply any and all needed equipment, supplies and medications all covered 100% under his Medicare. You will also have access to hospices social worker, chaplain, and volunteers(though they can't do any hands on care). Hospice can put a catheter in your partner so all you would have to do is empty his catheter bag a few times a day, but as far as the pooping goes you will be on your own with that. My husband was a morning pooper, so I hired an aide to come for a few hours everyday in the morning to put him on the bedside commode. She would then hold him up while I cleaned him up and then she would get him back into the hospital bed. That worked really well for me. If you feel that you cannot physically or mentally handle your partners care hospice will help you find proper placement for him, where you can just go and enjoy whatever time you may have left with him. I wish you well in making the best decision for you both.
Talk to the Hospice Nurse, Social Worker. They will help you find a way to safely care for him at home if that is your wish. If it is not safe for you to care for him at home they will discuss that with you. There are CNA's that will help you They will teach you how to use equipment that will make it safe and easy for you, and your partner. A bed with an alternating pressure mattress will make turning him easier and you would not have to do it as often. Bed baths a good option when the CNA is not there to get him to a shower. With the use of equipment toileting is possible but changing him in bed is also an option. BUT if it is something that you find that you can not do then they will help you find another option. There are In Patient Units, he can go for Respite Care for Symptom and or Pain management and there are also facilities that they have agreements with. If your partner is a Veteran the VA may also be an option. A phone call to the Hospice of your choice will answer your questions and relieve some of your worries.
Your partner will need to have care as he declines. Home Hospice, as you seem to realize, is more a support service and to provide supplies. If partner has no assets to pay for an aide he should enter a nursing home on Medicaid. Ask the hospice social worker to help you find him a place he can be cared for if his prognosis is months rather than days. Medicare will pay for a hospice facility if he is in the last few days or weeks of life. Google your city and state and hospice facilities to see what is available in your area.I am so sorry for this time in his life. Take care of yourself and reach out to the services available as soon as possible.
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The two of you should have a serious talk about what he wants to happen. IMO he needs to be in a facility where you can visit, oversee his care, and go home to a peaceful house after you're through for the day.
Find out how much money is available for care. What assets can he sell to pay for it? Talk with social workers, hospice, all the people available to help. If there are no assets and no money for this, help him to find a place where he'll get free care.
I know many women who are either widowed or divorced. They will not remarry because they aren't willing to or can't perform caregiving chores anymore. They are with "partners" and a number have said that if the guy gets sick, they won't be sticking around. No more for them.
It's up to you what you want to do. I'm sorry for this sad situation and wish you luck.
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As currently in facility hospice is more rare than hen's teeth (it isn't the money maker that regular hospice is where family does all the work and hospice pockets huge sums from Medicare), your partner will have to be in an ALF with hospice, and almost certain, near the end, also with hired 24/7 caregivers.
Just one year ago my good friend went home to die. She had hospice but that amounted to two bedbaths weekly, one RN sitting for an hour, and a call from clergy and a Social Worker who had no idea what she was doing. That an the magic medications. We had to find a way with her last funds to hire on two women, each taking a 12 hour shift. That was 20.00 an hour plus ordering in food, so do the math. Very very costly.
I wish I had better ideas. When you interview hospice they will let you know the options.
Meanwhile it is to say to you I am very sorry for this coming loss and I wish you comfort and good care. I hope you will update us.
The care of a Hospice patient is far beyond the scope of one person--and add in to that, being somewhat elderly themselves--
AND, I will add, being placed in Hospice is NOT necessarily 'the end' you expect.
My MIL has been in hospice for going on a year (more or less). we were told she had 2-3 weeks and that was last winter.
So--to plan that you can just slide along with a couple of CNA's and a bath aide is likely to not be near enough. It really takes a village!
Your partner will receive 24/7 care in an ALF and you can be as involved in the daily care as you want to be.
I'm sorry for your situation--it's a hard call, no matter what.
To start with hospice will send a nurse once a week to start to check your partners vitals and such, and aides to bathe him at least twice a week. They will also supply any and all needed equipment, supplies and medications all covered 100% under his Medicare. You will also have access to hospices social worker, chaplain, and volunteers(though they can't do any hands on care).
Hospice can put a catheter in your partner so all you would have to do is empty his catheter bag a few times a day, but as far as the pooping goes you will be on your own with that.
My husband was a morning pooper, so I hired an aide to come for a few hours everyday in the morning to put him on the bedside commode. She would then hold him up while I cleaned him up and then she would get him back into the hospital bed. That worked really well for me.
If you feel that you cannot physically or mentally handle your partners care hospice will help you find proper placement for him, where you can just go and enjoy whatever time you may have left with him.
I wish you well in making the best decision for you both.
If it is not safe for you to care for him at home they will discuss that with you.
There are CNA's that will help you
They will teach you how to use equipment that will make it safe and easy for you, and your partner.
A bed with an alternating pressure mattress will make turning him easier and you would not have to do it as often.
Bed baths a good option when the CNA is not there to get him to a shower.
With the use of equipment toileting is possible but changing him in bed is also an option.
BUT if it is something that you find that you can not do then they will help you find another option. There are In Patient Units, he can go for Respite Care for Symptom and or Pain management and there are also facilities that they have agreements with.
If your partner is a Veteran the VA may also be an option. A phone call to the Hospice of your choice will answer your questions and relieve some of your worries.
((hugs))
Your partner will need to have care as he declines.
Home Hospice, as you seem to realize, is more a support service and to provide supplies. If partner has no assets to pay for an aide he should enter a nursing home on Medicaid. Ask the hospice social worker to help you find him a place he can be cared for if his prognosis is months rather than days. Medicare will pay for a hospice facility if he is in the last few days or weeks of life. Google your city and state and hospice facilities to see what is available in your area.I am so sorry for this time in his life. Take care of yourself and reach out to the services available as soon as possible.